(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Sooner or later, a bunch of smelly hippies will come to your town and try protesting the War, and – also sooner or later – you’ll get sick of their mindless sloganeering and decide to take to the streets yourself to protest their protest.
No such thing as too much free speech, ya know.
But you shouldn’t go empty-handed. Bring a ClueBat.
This item is useful for “beating sense” into someone whose knowledge of “what’s what” ain’t quite up to where it ought to be. A versatile device, it comes in several sizes, so be sure to choose the right tool for the right job.
Small
For RINO’s like John McCain or Colin Powell, and also as a preventative measure for small children who just don’t know any better because they attended a public school.
Large
For politicians who just don’t know when to stop talking, like John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, or anyone in the UN Building (except the Stachemeister, of course).
Extra Pointy
For those with exceptionally thick skulls – Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, most hippies.
STFU ALREADY!
For extreme cases – Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, Jane Fonda.
And don’t forget to read the instruction manual before use:
“Fat end first, dumbass!”
Yes, with these handy tips, you’ll soon be doing your part as an American citizen to create a more informed electorate.
Or at the very least, you’ll have a good time.
“C’mere hippy! I want to explain my foreign policy…”
