A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 40 – Shut Eye

BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 39)


The downtown still had many sentient diversity events going on, most of which were displays of the heavily abridged, whitewashed cultures of different alien species. I was sort of curious what was put out to represent humans, but the ways of sentients always seemed less interesting to me than that of lower creatures. Every time I learned about a new animal there was something surprising and interesting to find out about how it adapted to and survived in its environment. With sentients, the stories were all just variations of the same theme. It’s like with each planet, there is tons of variety… until an intelligent species emerges. Then nature is stuck in a rut, and the species goes through about the same technological and social developments as all the other sentients. Yes, there could be some interesting parts to their development, but these displays left out all the wars and the genocide. Instead, they focused on the cultural quirks they figured other sentients would find cutesy.
“Isn’t this great!” exclaimed a female something or other as she turned to look from the displays to talk to me for some reason. “So many different beings from so many different planets, but here we all come together for a united purpose. It really gives me hope we can set aside are differences to stop the criminal regimes out there. I hear the Galactic Senator is going to speak on that very topic. Did you hear how he moved his speech to tomorrow morning?”
“Yep.”
“The good people out there may feel overwhelmed sometimes,” Diane said with a slight smile to the alien, “but, with all species, I have faith there are more good than evil in each population. We will come together and fight back those who do nothing but spread misery.”
“And you also believe your savior is going to eventually come back and send most everyone to hell, right, Diane?” I chuckled.
Diane frowned at me. The alien looked confused, probably thinking her translator messed up. “Though we all bleed different colors,” I told the alien with faked gravitas, “we all splatter about the same. That’s knowledge I take strength from.”
She looked confused again, but Diane just grabbed me and pulled me along. “I would think someone with no feelings would not take pleasure out of cruelty,” she told me.
“I guess I’m full of surprises. Now, it’s getting late, and, as you may know, there are important festivities tomorrow. Thus, I need some place to sleep.”
“Don’t want to massacre when you’re sleepy?” Diane asked disdainfully.
“Preferably not.”
Diane led me to a hotel not too far from the convention center. Luckily, they had a vacancy, and I got a room for one night for the “Smiths.”
“Rico, so what are the sleeping plans?” I could see a little worry on her face.
“You can sleep on the floor,” I said as I found our room and entered it.
She set down her bag of weapons. “Usually, the gentleman offers the lady the bed.”
“I’m fully aware of the customs to follow if I want to pretend to be a gentleman,” I said as I undressed, “Right now, I need some good sleep. Your time is probably better spent figuring how to best evacuate civilians from the area. I prefer them not in the way, but I don’t have time to worry about that right now.”
“To be clear, am I a hostage?” Diane inquired with annoyance.
I set a little camera device on a table and pointed it at Diane. “Dip, watch Diane for me. Wake me up if she tries anything so I can kill her.”
“Rico, we need to talk,” Diane told me firmly.
I tossed a blanket to her. “No, we don’t. Lot’s of bad people are going to die tomorrow. If you help me, we can keep it just to the bad people. Consider it God’s wrath.”
“Except it’s not God’s wrath,” she shot back, “It’s Rico’s tantrum.”
“I don’t have time for a silly lecture now,” I said as I lay on the bed and pulled out a computer. Dip had the battle plans for me to scan before I sent them on to Gredler, “You are interesting at times, Diane, but, in the end, I have nothing but contempt for your ideals. You have your idiot religion that tries to preach both love and hellfire, and you don’t even follow it. Would Jesus have smacked up those Muslims like you did?”
“I’ve always had trouble matching some things I have to do in my job with my moral beliefs,” Diane said quite seriously, “I’ve even thought of quitting over it. But, the job has to be done, and it would be cowardice to run from it to ease my own mind. I certainly don’t need you lecturing me on right and wrong.”
I laughed. “We all have our justification for our actions to let us sleep at night… except for me, of course. I always sleep like a baby no matter what I do.” I finalized the plans and sent them to Gredler.
“Rico, you think you have no choice to but to travel down the path you have laid out, but nothing binds you to it,” she pleaded with me, “I know there is something more to this you aren’t telling me, but nothing justifies this slaughter. Nothing means you have to throw your life away in this action. Together we can…”
I picked up my gun and pointed it at her. “Yes, there is something I am not telling you… because it’s my business. You were also right when you said before that I don’t seem to be the type to bluff. With that in mind, I really need to get some sleep now. As I get ready in the morning, I can have a pointless philosophical discussion with you. But, if you bother me again before the sun rises, I will kill you.”
She stared back at me, and I kept my finger tense over the trigger.
Come on, say something, Diane. Let’s simplify things now.
She lay down on the floor and turned away from me. I still held the gun on her. I had this feeling I was going to have to eventually kill her anyway, and I might as well save the headache and do it now.
I lay down on the bed. Something to decide in the morning.
NEXT

More Ducky Announcements

First Update: RWD would like to introduce the latest addition to the Duck family.
Presenting….

RWDuckling.
Baby duck was born 8 pounds six ounces on September 30th. Momma is doing fine, daddy is getting used to a little less sleep each night. He sleeps most of the day and wakes up demanding to be fed. It’s like having our own little union worker.
Second Update:
Sadly, the hospital bills drained the RWD new computer fund. So, no brilliant satirical funny until I can replace El Broko Computer-o (That’s Spanglish for Fist in the Screen). I’m holding a mini-fundraister. If you miss your daily dose of Ducky funny, please paypal your contribution to the Ducky Computer Fund at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom. I don’t want a fancy one – just one that can get me online and writing again.
Otherwise, I’ll be lurking in the background screaming my jokes at the computer screen.
Ha ha. That was a good one right there. Too bad you couldn’t hear it.
hahaha. That was another good one. Hee. I crack me up.
Thanks all.

A Story, Bite-by-Bite
SuperEggo: Part 40 – The End

BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 39)


“I can’t get through on my cellphone. The tall buildings are giving me no bars! The bystanders are going to be killed!”
Rico replied, “That’s too bad”, sucks to be an innocent bystander today. “Aren’t you going to stop? Gimme that phone!”
Diane was about to miss a red light
“Huh? No, leggo. Stop? Rico, I can’t stop, not while there’s innoc-”
Diane then missed the red light.
They were struck by a large truck carrying mega large waffles. One of the enormous waffles, carried by inertia, flew out through the top of the truck, flipped twice in air and landed square on Diane’s car.
Diane and Rico were crushed and killed instantly, flat as pancakes.


Epilogue
Rico’s ship and Dip were converted into an enormous toaster, that could fly.
Diane went to heaven.
Rico, not so much. He was toast.
The End?

Continue reading ‘A Story, Bite-by-Bite
SuperEggo: Part 40 – The End’ »

Mmm… Ham…

They say a prosecutor could indict a ham sandwich if he wanted to, but indict it twice? Maybe a turkey sandwich, but not a ham sandwich.
Now that there is a second indictment of Tom Delay (with a real charge – money laundering!) we can only assume he’s guilty. It’s time for Delay to prepare for a shootout with police – his only chance to gain back some respect from fellow Republicans.
BTW, if a ham sandwich was suspected to be lunch for someone who was money laundering, would that be enough to indict it for conspiracy to launder money? It’s not that there’s a ham sandwich I want indicted; I’m just curious.

Why Not Miers?

It seems like everyone is apoplectic about Bush’s new Supreme Court nomination, but I didn’t spend three hours in line to early vote in 2004 and then stay up all night live-blogging the election returns just to turn on Bush now. I think we should all give Bush the benefit of the doubt (again) and each say something nice about Harriet Miers. I’ll start:
* She seems to have excellent posture.
* “Harriet” sounds like “Harrier Jet,” and Harrier jets are cool.
* If her pick is cronyism, then it further proves that Bush has a wide variety of cronies in the areas of gender and race.
Now, everyone else write something else nice about Harriet Miers in the comments.

The Tower of Babel at Your Fingertips

This is fun.
Anyway, here is the Babelized answer to a common question I get.
“IMAO represents my arrogant Vista in second.”
UPDATE: The program is a little buggy, so I don’t know when it will be ready, but I’m Babelizing the surpise ending to Superego. Hopefully I’ll have some indecipherable spoilers for you.
UPDATE 2: Okay, it’s done.
WARNING: HUGE, INDECIPHERABLE SPOILERS FOR SUPEREGO

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If You Plan to Mug People and Break into Homes, then Maybe You Should Choose Another Vacation Spot than Florida

So, now that Florida’s new gun law has come into effect, the Brady Bunch have launched a scare campaign against tourists (yes, the NYTimes had the most balanced article on the subject of those I surveyed). Basically, pamphlets are being handed out in airports that warn people not to get in arguments with locals because they may be shot (could be true if you go to a Cuban area and start arguing how great Castro is… but that was the case before the new law).
What’s funny to me is that the Brady Bunch are also putting ads warning people about Florida in major newspapers for Detroit, Chicago, Boston and London. Riddle me this: If you live in Detroit, Chicago, Boston, or London (where gun ownership is completely banned – except, of course, for the many criminals there), are you more likely to be shot locally or on a vacation to Florida?
I hope people aren’t dumb enough to fall for this, but, if they are, people are going to stay home and get shot in their crime-ridden cities… and it will all be the fault of the Brady Campaign.
(Actually, looking into it, the only one I can’t confirm has a higher murder rate than Florida is London where statistics are hard to come by — Detroit seems to be worst of the lot by far with over 41 murders per 100,000 compared to 5.6 murders for the national average which Florida is in line with)

You Can’t Take the Skies from Me

I wanted to have a discussion of the movie Serenity. There will be major spoilers, so don’t click “More” unless you’ve seen the movie already. BTW, the first week’s box office draw was a little disappointing, but Firefly awareness must be up considering that the DVD set of the series is ranked number 2 in DVD sales right now.
Anyhoo, onto the discussion…

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