A Review of Cindy Sheehan’s New Book

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)


Before I dive into the review, a note about Amazon.com. When I first posted the PGH assignment at Alliance HQ on November 24th, I noticed several 1-star reviews of Sheehan’s book.
When I returned today, I noticed that all the 1-star reviews prior to November 29th had been removed. ALL of them. Even though 5-star reviews from as far back at Nov 17th are still there.
Anyway, here’s a link to the list of reviews, lowest first. Currently there are 5 1-star reviews dated Nov 29 (you have to click the “next” link to get to where the 5th one is listed). If you guys could keep an eye on that and let me know if they start disappearing, I’d appreciate it.
UPDATE: When I started writing this post, there were 6 1-star reviews dated Nov 30. Now there are 5.
Just freakin’ CREEPY…


Look, I really tried to read Cindy’s book before posting this review, but I was too busy buying pants for British soldiers. Nevertheless, I managed to compile a few reviews from other noteworthy Americans, on the assumption that you’ll be able to trust their judgment when it comes to choosing your reading material.
What could possibly go wrong?


Martin Sheen – “I love this book! In fact, I even sleep with it. Not in… you know… the Biblical sense… ok, maybe once. But I swear it was consensual!”
Michael Moore – “Great book. I ate a copy with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”
Joan Baez – “Best. Book. Ever. I mean, if it weren’t for this book, I wouldn’t have my picture posted at Amazon.com?


Oh… THAT’S what.
Fine. Let’s just cut to the chase. If Cindy’s book were a dog, it’d be this one:
uglydog.jpg
Meanwhile, I’ll quote you one last Amazon review:

After reading this book everyone should be able to realize how painful it is for a mother to live without her son, how oainful it for a wife to live without husband who is killed in war.

Of course, I’m sure some people don’t need a book to realize that…
Not One More Mother’s Child, indeed.

“Hey Ethel, When Did We Switch to Chocolate Water?”

We’ve the replaced the fine water normally served in this area with dark rich sparkling sewer contamination. Let’s watch!

Imagine the water you drink, cook with and bathe in is contaminated with raw sewage. Those of you living in the Dogwood Dell subdivision in Baldwin County’s Marlow- Fish Riverarea [in Alabama] don’t have to imagine it.

The cause?

It is a water supply that was contaminated when a sewer line, installed in mid-July for a camper in the area, was apparently improperly installed by the privately-owned Baldwin County Sewer Service.

WHAT!?! Mid July? That’s over three full months of drinking, pisscrapwater!
Top fictional quotes from locals.
“Hey waiter, I didn’t want my water chunky style!”
“This sweet tea tastes like an entirely different letter of the alphabet!”
“This driinking water.isfullofcrap.” -Laurence Simon
Final thought.
How will any them ever kiss each other again?

O Bloggers, Where Art Thou?

Except for Laurence Simon who arguably has no life, all the other IMAO bloggers are MIA (thats Missing or InActive in this context).
Where are they?
My thoughts:
Harvey, after eating a delicious hot bowlfull of ABC’s and 123’s soup in his jacuzzi, got his entire body stuck in his ginormous beard. Don’t worry Harv, somebody will be along to shave you!
RightWingDuck is being detained at Taco Bell where he allegedly ‘dropped the chalupa’ in the middle of the dining room. TBBP (Taco Bell Border Patrol) officials are holding him until they setltle on who will do the dna testing on the ‘beans’.
Cadet happy sadly, is dead. He photoshopped the wrong guy/gal to look funny-sweet-shoes/tramptacular this time. He paid the ultimate price for his art. Good ridda-um…I mean goodbye dear friend.
Sarahk is somewhere in a bridal boutique trying to find the perfect wedding… something or other. (I’m a guy, it’s ALL something or other)
Frank J is waiting in the car for Sarahk at the bridal boutique, unconscious from lack of food and water OR worse, he’s INSIDE the boutique with sarahk, contemplating chewing off the arm of the hand she’s holding.
What are YOUR thoughts on the whereabouts of the missing IMAO bloggers?
Update: Frank J is allegedly at work.

Announcements

First off, I’m really really busy (must write this quick so I can get back to work). Too bad, because there’s a lot happening in the news that would make great fodder. Anyway, as many of you know, I’m getting married next week followed soon by a two-week honeymoon. Until then, I’m dealing with a project at work where everything keeps changing except the deadline. So, until Janurary, I’ll chime in when I can, but the blog will be mainly in the hands of the fit and capable co-bloggers (one of whom should hopefully be able to liveblog the wedding). Next year, I hope to come back gangbusters with more of what you love and some brand new things. Also, the constantly retooled podcast should become a weekly thing once again.
As always, be honorable, ronin.

… but where’s his blender?

Jerry Garcia’s appliances will be auctioned off to benefit The Sophia Foundation.
Sorry, Glenn, but no blenders appear to be up for auction. However, I hear that Rodney Dangerfield’s estate might have a puppy-sized food processor hitting the market soon.

Carnival Of Comedy Reminder

Submissions are due tomorrow night! The (not so) Daily Me will be hosting. ‘Daily Me’, sounds like a some sort of blog name or something.
Schedule:
Dec 1 – The (not so) Daily Me
Dec 8 – Blonde Sagacity
Dec 15 – Right Wing Testimonial
Dec 22 – Cadet Happy

Spacemonkey Totally Digs It!

IMAudiO listeners willl know why I think that this google map utility is really handy.
Update: It’s a utility for seeing where that hole you are wanting to dig straight through the Earth would exit (on the other side).

holethruearth.JPG

You dig?

Doesn’t She Have a Blog Now?

John Hawkins has a new interview with Michelle Malkin.

Pandas

I have no desire to know the spawning habits of celebrities or pandas
But I hate pandas more. I really hate pandas.
The cloning of a dog meriting Time’s top invention of the year is bogus.
Let me know when scientists can clone a panda so headlines like this are a thing of the past.
“Hey, a baby panda just passed its first medical tests!”
“Who cares… we have a whole factory full of panda embryos growing.”
“Oh. Okay. Wanna go get a pandaburger?”
“Nah. I’m in the mood for panda fajitas.”

Because I hate headlines about pandas as much as I hate the pandas themselves.

Saddam’s Defense

Former Attorney General Ramsey Clark has now joined Saddam’s defense team. Apparently, he only defends people who are responsible for a minimum of one thousand deaths. But what could be the possible defense for Saddam Hussein? Here are a few of my ideas:
DEFENSES FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN

Continue reading ‘Saddam’s Defense’ »

shooting is fun!!

Frank J. and i went shooting this weekend. i have a recap (with pictures of our targets) up over at mountaineer musings. so please, follow my shameless self-linkage and see how i did one-handed! (and how Frank shamed me with the Colt Anaconda.)

Another Endorsement

You know what we live for at IMAO?
Take a guess!
No – Besides money.
No- besides watching Michael Moore walk onstage with half a chicken clinging to his beard.
No – besides having Howard Dean say anything – which usually gives us weeks of material!
That’s RIGHT. We want glory – and praise.
Which leads us to our next topic –
THE WEBLOG AWARDS.
They should be starting up soon so start getting ready to click on those voting buttons.
For today, let me share this quote with you by LaShawn Barber…
LaShawn listens to the podcast? Can’t you just imagine her laughing so hard she falls off her stack of bibles?
Best Podcast — IMAO: Funny stuff! Frank J. and his group of podcast buddies — fiancée SarahK, fellow PM blogger Laurence Simon, spacemonkey, Right Wing Duck, and Harvey — put together a very funny, very non-PC show that’s too short and too infrequent for me, the mark of great entertainment. If you’re not into podcasting, let the IMAO podcast be your first foray into the latest online adventure.
Not only is that a great endorsement -(Thanks LaShawn) we also got to learn how to spell ‘foray’.
It goes to show you – that if a good, big hearted, Christian like LaShawn listens to the show – then it must be good and good for you.
So get that voting finger ready – no, not that finger – the clicking finger – and vote for us when the time comes.
P.S. On that podcast thing – we are keeping it because it’s fun and fun to do. However, we’ll have to wait a few weeks for the next one since FrankJ and SarahK think it’s more “important” to organize a wedding than to edit sound into my bit called “Fun Ways to Use the Word Poopie”

No Good Deed…

I’ve written another short story in my attempt at (somewhat) serious writing. It’s entitled “No Good Deed…” and is a lot more lighthearted than Superego (and a ton shorter than that was in toto). So, there’s a lot of humor in it, but I hope it also makes a good action tale (it’s a western… of sorts).
It’s at Baen’s Bar (of Bane.com) in the “Baen’s Universe Slush” section under “No Good Deed…” (putting it there makes it a submission for the new e-zine they’re making). Comments go in the “Baen’s Universe Slush Comments” section where a “No Good Deed…” topic has already been setup.
I’m most worried about the middle section bogging it down too much and would like lots of opinions. There best put in the comments section, because that shows people are reading the story and bring it to the attention of the editors.
There, maybe that will have gotten the writing bug out of me for a little bit.

Carnival Of Comedy #30 Comedy Pearls

Did everybody go check out the the Carnival of Comedy over at Immature With No Conscience on Thursday (Thanksgiving)?
No? Then get over there!
Of course you didn’t. None of my cobloggers linked it. What a buncha slackers.

Know Thy Enemy: Cats

Well, it’s time for The Carnival of the Cats, but what do you really know about that furry little beast that you leave in your home unsupervised for nine to twelve hours a day while you slave away at a keyboard earning barely enough money to pay for their food, vet bills, and toys they ignore while still having to clean up after them?
That doesn’t sound like domesticated household pet or friendly companion. It sounds more like a cruel, domineering master who has enslaved you in its claws. So, I had my crack research team find all they can about cats–
FUN FACTS ABOUT CATS

Continue reading ‘Know Thy Enemy: Cats’ »