Alabama Improper asks the age-old question:

And just what the hell does IMAO stand for anyway? Anyone?

Being sworn to secrecy on pain of death as part of my allegience to Frank J. (praise be his name), I nevertheless take this opportunity to point out that – just as Joe Wilson’s connection to Valerie Plame required no illegal leaks beyond picking up a copy of “Who’s Who” – anyone with access to Wikipedia can discover the meaning of this highly secretive acronym.
I’ll just quote it in the extended entry…

Continue reading ‘Wikipedia Knows Too Much – Must Be Killed’ »

Youths in France have been rotting for almost two weeks. Rotting day and night. The rotting has gotten so bad that cars have been burned.
I think they’ve been secretly rotting in France for a lot longer than 2 weeks though. What else would explain the stench?
They’re not unwashed, they’re undead!

Over at Mountaineer Musings, SarahK says that her sister was a little… unclear… on Catholic wedding traditions:

she was very confused. she said that at first, she thought maybe it was a Catholic thing, having the groom’s name on his own goblet and his mother’s name on the bride’s goblet. she’s not known many Catholics so she thought it might be one of their traditions.

Having attended several Catholic weddings myself, I have to say that Sizzle – and probably SarahK, too – are BOTH in for a few surprises.
Since weddings are stressful enough, here’s a list of little-known (although actually quite common) Catholic wedding rituals:

• Sacramental tequila shots (remember – Lick, Slam, Suck)
• Doritoes Xtreme Nacho Communion wafers
• Bride & groom both drag heavy, wooden crosses up the aisle. More Passion of the Christ means more Passion of the Couple.
• Bride slips the priest a $20 to skip the “if anyone here objects to this marriage” bit.
• Groom slips the priest a $100 to put it back in.
• Bride & groom gargle with holy water so that if they give their vows with a false heart, their tongues shall burst into flame.
• Bride & groom are encouraged to have a Best Fireman, and Extinguisher of Honor, respectively – just in case.
• Bibles in pews replaced by “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader“, since these Catholic ceremonies tend to drag on a bit.
• After the words “man and wife” are pronounced, attendees charge the choir area for moshing and crowd-surfing.
• Please note that – since Catholic churches are considered “holy ground” – the beheading of fellow immortals is strictly prohibited during the ceremony.

That should pretty much cover it. Let me know if I missed anything.

The French riots continue today, and, as much as we’d like to help our frenemies, we’re busy. Still, it’s alarming that the riots are starting to spill out of France into Belgium. At his rate, by the end of the month all of Europe will be caught in riots.
So, how do we keep the riots from reaching America?
Luckily, there is an ocean between us and Europe (if you don’t believe me, try and find a map of the world using Google). Still, we should now make sure that any boat reaching our shores or plane landing on our… uh… land does not contain rioters. We should have people with like guns and badges in charge of this. Shiny badges. It is time to take this seriously before our own citizenry get infected with riotousness.
And, as always, if any government official wants to give me a badge, I promise to abuse my power to the betterment of the American people.

Kevin Smith, AKA “Silent Bob” from the increasingly dull “View Askew” movies, has worked hard to make himself into the archetypal Hollywood hypocrite. One look at Smith’s blog and you’ll see what I mean. The guy is a machine-like movie merchandising whore for the 21st Century that loves it when he makes money but parrots Howard Dean’s assertions about the evil Republican rich fat cats who never worked a day in their lives. Smith is the guy that actively sells used clothing and furniture from the sets of his crappy movies on his website to enrich his own life but thinks YOU are a jerk for being a money-grubbing Republican?
However, Smith has nothing on anti-liberal Hollywood filmmaker Vincent Gallo. Gallo, a true independent filmmaker and a guy that has much more in common with Republicans than Hollywood leftists, is selling his own sperm for $1 million on his website.
Kevin Smith has got to be kicking himself right now, sitting in his mansion saying: “Why didn’t I think of that?” and crying in his bag of money…
UPDATE: If you have not already discovered the very funny blog of frequent commenter “Dr. E. Scientist, phD” I suggest you do so. The evil genius schtick has been done a million times before, but this guy is doing it right!

In case you didn’t know (I didn’t) tomorrow is Election Day for some extra-off-year elections. It’s hard to get worked up on an odd number year; no national posts are up for a vote, not even the usually pre-determined elections for Representatives. Instead, there are a few mayor and governor elections. One of which I care a little about because is in the state I lived the longest: New Jersey. The New Jersey governor race is always on an extra-off-year because, if you’ve watched The Sopranos, you know the kind of people who live in Jersey like to avoid attention.
I still remember the slogans for one of those elections: “Florio Free in ’93!” And we were. We had Christine Todd Whitman who was a Republican superstar for a while; she even gave the response to one of President Clinton’s State of the Union speeches. I don’t know what she’s doing now; I think she’s in drug rehab somewhere.
Ah, memories.

What with this? (found via The Corner)
Do all conservative humor blogs look the same to him? That’s racist!

I think I might be an introvert. Ever since I was a kid, it has always been a big annoyance of mine that I’d be deep in thought and someone would interrupt me asking, “Are you all right?” Apparently I must have this look of distress when I’m thinking, no matter what the subject is.
SarahK caught on to that quickly. She may be an introvert, too. I’d ask her, but she hates it when I talk to her.