A Review of Cindy Sheehan’s New Book

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)


Before I dive into the review, a note about Amazon.com. When I first posted the PGH assignment at Alliance HQ on November 24th, I noticed several 1-star reviews of Sheehan’s book.
When I returned today, I noticed that all the 1-star reviews prior to November 29th had been removed. ALL of them. Even though 5-star reviews from as far back at Nov 17th are still there.
Anyway, here’s a link to the list of reviews, lowest first. Currently there are 5 1-star reviews dated Nov 29 (you have to click the “next” link to get to where the 5th one is listed). If you guys could keep an eye on that and let me know if they start disappearing, I’d appreciate it.
UPDATE: When I started writing this post, there were 6 1-star reviews dated Nov 30. Now there are 5.
Just freakin’ CREEPY…


Look, I really tried to read Cindy’s book before posting this review, but I was too busy buying pants for British soldiers. Nevertheless, I managed to compile a few reviews from other noteworthy Americans, on the assumption that you’ll be able to trust their judgment when it comes to choosing your reading material.
What could possibly go wrong?


Martin Sheen – “I love this book! In fact, I even sleep with it. Not in… you know… the Biblical sense… ok, maybe once. But I swear it was consensual!”
Michael Moore – “Great book. I ate a copy with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”
Joan Baez – “Best. Book. Ever. I mean, if it weren’t for this book, I wouldn’t have my picture posted at Amazon.com?


Oh… THAT’S what.
Fine. Let’s just cut to the chase. If Cindy’s book were a dog, it’d be this one:
uglydog.jpg
Meanwhile, I’ll quote you one last Amazon review:

After reading this book everyone should be able to realize how painful it is for a mother to live without her son, how oainful it for a wife to live without husband who is killed in war.

Of course, I’m sure some people don’t need a book to realize that…
Not One More Mother’s Child, indeed.

“Hey Ethel, When Did We Switch to Chocolate Water?”

We’ve the replaced the fine water normally served in this area with dark rich sparkling sewer contamination. Let’s watch!

Imagine the water you drink, cook with and bathe in is contaminated with raw sewage. Those of you living in the Dogwood Dell subdivision in Baldwin County’s Marlow- Fish Riverarea [in Alabama] don’t have to imagine it.

The cause?

It is a water supply that was contaminated when a sewer line, installed in mid-July for a camper in the area, was apparently improperly installed by the privately-owned Baldwin County Sewer Service.

WHAT!?! Mid July? That’s over three full months of drinking, pisscrapwater!
Top fictional quotes from locals.
“Hey waiter, I didn’t want my water chunky style!”
“This sweet tea tastes like an entirely different letter of the alphabet!”
“This driinking water.isfullofcrap.” -Laurence Simon
Final thought.
How will any them ever kiss each other again?

O Bloggers, Where Art Thou?

Except for Laurence Simon who arguably has no life, all the other IMAO bloggers are MIA (thats Missing or InActive in this context).
Where are they?
My thoughts:
Harvey, after eating a delicious hot bowlfull of ABC’s and 123’s soup in his jacuzzi, got his entire body stuck in his ginormous beard. Don’t worry Harv, somebody will be along to shave you!
RightWingDuck is being detained at Taco Bell where he allegedly ‘dropped the chalupa’ in the middle of the dining room. TBBP (Taco Bell Border Patrol) officials are holding him until they setltle on who will do the dna testing on the ‘beans’.
Cadet happy sadly, is dead. He photoshopped the wrong guy/gal to look funny-sweet-shoes/tramptacular this time. He paid the ultimate price for his art. Good ridda-um…I mean goodbye dear friend.
Sarahk is somewhere in a bridal boutique trying to find the perfect wedding… something or other. (I’m a guy, it’s ALL something or other)
Frank J is waiting in the car for Sarahk at the bridal boutique, unconscious from lack of food and water OR worse, he’s INSIDE the boutique with sarahk, contemplating chewing off the arm of the hand she’s holding.
What are YOUR thoughts on the whereabouts of the missing IMAO bloggers?
Update: Frank J is allegedly at work.

Announcements

First off, I’m really really busy (must write this quick so I can get back to work). Too bad, because there’s a lot happening in the news that would make great fodder. Anyway, as many of you know, I’m getting married next week followed soon by a two-week honeymoon. Until then, I’m dealing with a project at work where everything keeps changing except the deadline. So, until Janurary, I’ll chime in when I can, but the blog will be mainly in the hands of the fit and capable co-bloggers (one of whom should hopefully be able to liveblog the wedding). Next year, I hope to come back gangbusters with more of what you love and some brand new things. Also, the constantly retooled podcast should become a weekly thing once again.
As always, be honorable, ronin.

… but where’s his blender?

Jerry Garcia’s appliances will be auctioned off to benefit The Sophia Foundation.
Sorry, Glenn, but no blenders appear to be up for auction. However, I hear that Rodney Dangerfield’s estate might have a puppy-sized food processor hitting the market soon.