At the risk of sounding like a prudish conservative, I’d like to go on record as being against Mannequin-human relationships.
I say this because Sky News (Motto: Look at the pretty clouds) has posted a story where a young man, somewhere in the world was arrested for being caught with a naked mannequin with his pants down.
Yes, the mannequin was naked, thereby eliminating the excuse: “But we were just talking.”
See, these sickos ruin a neighborhood not to mention a perfectly good mannequin. And who knows if it will stop at mannequins. Before you know it, all the little garden gnomes in your neighborhood aren’t acting quite right.
So does this young man have any excuses? I mean, really – if having sex with a dummy is a crime – then we’d have to arrest all the Congressmens’ wives.
But what about this young man? Is there any hope for him in court? If he’s prosecuted, he may have to register as a sex offender. In the interest of public services I would like to help this young man.
RWD’s Top Ten Things To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin–
10. Whoa. Half an hour earlier and you would have found me with the rocking horses.
9. Sure, YOU call it sex with a dummy. I call it ART!!
8. She’s ALIVE I’m telling you. She’s ALIVE! We love each other.
7. (Saying nothing. Sitting perfectly still like another mannequin)
6. What about our civil rights!! Why CAN’T we get married?
5. Officer — she’s legal. She was manufactured in 1987.
4. You mannequin-phobes!!
3. You don’t understand — she was taking advantage of me!!!
2. I wasn’t undressing myself– I was dressing her!
And the number One Thing To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin–
1. Hey, buddy. Can you think of ANOTHER benefit to working at Wal-Mart?
**
I hope that my years of getting caught naked — I mean, my years of experience are of help to this man.
In the interest of public service, we encourage all IMAO readers to post any other potential excuses this young man might use.
I have to go. I think that garden gnome is coming on to me.
Archive of entries posted on 21st November 2005
Just do it
Carnival Of Comedy Opportunity!
I have some Carnival of Carnival hosting opportunities* for some lucky bloggers out there!
I know what you are thinking. “I can’t host a carnival! I don’t know any freaks other than the ones at the office and I can’t let those losers know I blog from my cubicle!” Well fear not, you fearful fearface. There’s no freak recruitment involved in producing the Carnival of Comedy. The entrants however… well nevermind.
So with that obstacle aside, I’m opening up the schedule to people who fit the following profile
- Do you have a blog?
- Do you want to host the Carnival of Comedy?
If you answered yes to both of these questions. email me 
. Subject: Carnival of Comedy Host for Date: (enter date you want to host)
Open Dates:
Nov 24 – Immature With No Conscience This Thursday!
Dec 1 – The (not so) Daily Me Next Thursday!
Dec 8 – Blonde Sagacity You get the picture.
Dec 15 – Right Wing Testimonial You still have the picture.
Dec 22 – Cadet Happy Makes funny pictures (photoshops too)
Dec 29 – The END OF YEAR – Wooooooo
Host the Carnival of Comedy or the terrorists win!
Update: 5 bloggers have seized 4 of the opportunities. Carpe Comedy
And All This Time You Thought Frank J. Made Up That Puppy-Blending Thing
Glenn Reynolds comes right out in the open and says which blender he likes best.
Sure, he doesn’t mention the puppy part, but I think we can connect the dots.
[Hat tip to Sarah of That’s Not Very Nice! for the heads up]
Fun OSM Trivia
Al-Zarqawi
Has Al-Zarqawi bought the farm?
Or is he merely leasing the farm, maybe with some sort of an option to purchase?
Perhaps he has only borrowed the farm so he can test drive the sheep, chickens etc.
But, I hope he’s permanently become Farmer Al. So he can take himself a long nap in the dirt.
Fun OSM Trivia
Is it true that the main purpose of OSM is to blackmail politicians and journalists to pay “protection” money in exchange for not having blog-coordinated slander campaigns against them?
Fun Facts About Louisiana: The Director’s Cut
The version on the IMAO podcast (#18 – October 31) was cut here & there for time & quality reasons.
My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision appears in the extended entry…
Continue reading ‘Fun Facts About Louisiana: The Director’s Cut’ »