At the risk of sounding like a prudish conservative, I’d like to go on record as being against Mannequin-human relationships.
I say this because Sky News (Motto: Look at the pretty clouds) has posted a story where a young man, somewhere in the world was arrested for being caught with a naked mannequin with his pants down.
Yes, the mannequin was naked, thereby eliminating the excuse: “But we were just talking.”
See, these sickos ruin a neighborhood not to mention a perfectly good mannequin. And who knows if it will stop at mannequins. Before you know it, all the little garden gnomes in your neighborhood aren’t acting quite right.
So does this young man have any excuses? I mean, really – if having sex with a dummy is a crime – then we’d have to arrest all the Congressmens’ wives.
But what about this young man? Is there any hope for him in court? If he’s prosecuted, he may have to register as a sex offender. In the interest of public services I would like to help this young man.
RWD’s Top Ten Things To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin–
10. Whoa. Half an hour earlier and you would have found me with the rocking horses.
9. Sure, YOU call it sex with a dummy. I call it ART!!
8. She’s ALIVE I’m telling you. She’s ALIVE! We love each other.
7. (Saying nothing. Sitting perfectly still like another mannequin)
6. What about our civil rights!! Why CAN’T we get married?
5. Officer — she’s legal. She was manufactured in 1987.
4. You mannequin-phobes!!
3. You don’t understand — she was taking advantage of me!!!
2. I wasn’t undressing myself– I was dressing her!
And the number One Thing To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin–
1. Hey, buddy. Can you think of ANOTHER benefit to working at Wal-Mart?
**
I hope that my years of getting caught naked — I mean, my years of experience are of help to this man.
In the interest of public service, we encourage all IMAO readers to post any other potential excuses this young man might use.
I have to go. I think that garden gnome is coming on to me.
First!!!
If your girlfriend smokes after sex…she’s a mannequin, you moron.
Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
And just when I thought people couldn’t get any weirder, you had to come along and post something like this.
I need a brain scrubber to get that concept out of my head. That and the thought of unwashed stripper poles.
Gnomes…
Hmmm.
Could be interesting. If they’re female and don’t act as stupid as the one in the travel commercial.
Mannequins are right out. Womanniquins too.
“Ok. ok. here’s what I think happened…”
On the bright side, mannequins don’t deflate…
Glenn Reynolds was in on this too!
See the evidence!
http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=tissuesofpuppy.jpg&category=Toiletries&date=2003-09-25
Grand statement! Unfortunately, it’s not funny since it’s true. Haha…laughing myself silly – very astute comment!
What are mannequins made of? Plaster? Fiberglass? Wood? Plastic? I am getting ugly images of blisters, splinters, glass fibers and such on one’s bulbous naughty parts. Eeeeuuu!
But… wouldja still have to snuggle afterwards??
and would they get jealous if you looked at other mannequins?
The girls he humps turn into mannequins… call him… Mannequin Finger!
Maybe I dated a few mannequins and didn’t know it. Couldn’t have been me, what with my Irish foreplay, “Right, brace yourself!”
From what I have heard it goes like this:
1) This fella was wanting to get some nice clothing for his girlfriend for Christmas.
2) He is not sure what her clothes size is.
3) She is a bit of a prude and has never undressed for him except when it was dark in the room.
4) He knew how her naked body felt under the covers pressed up against him.
Conclusion:
So the obvious conclusion is that he was trying to find out what size clothes his girlfriend wears without asking her.
or
He’s a perv.
Does the mannequin look like Kim Cattral? Cause then I’m in.
The only problem is avoiding that strick Maxwell creep and saving the department store from the evil New York competition!
My suggestion for an excuse:
I thought I was still in San Francisco.
Response:
-Boy are you lucky you busted me BEFORE the kinky stuff started.
I think his having to register as a sex offender is a bit overboard. Do they make guys who have sex with dogs/goats/horses, etc. do so? IT’S A MANNEQUIN.
On that note Skye, would he be in extra trouble if he was getting it on with a mannequin of a goat? I certainly wouldn’t want to be this guy’s lawyer. Or maybe I would, just for the novelty of it. Do you think they kept the mannequin. Maybe put it on Special display?
With a name like Plentyhorse, maybe he had a hard time convincing REAL LIVE girls to get, uh, intimate with him?
“I think his having to register as a sex offender is a bit overboard. Do they make guys who have sex with dogs/goats/horses, etc. do so? IT’S A MANNEQUIN.”
If you’re publicly doing something like that to anything without pants, yeah, register the dork. I don’t care if he’s getting it on with a traffic cone, it’s in public.
On a scary note, here’s a link to a ‘weekend web’ section on Something Awful… the first section on this link is for people who have special sex mannequins
Click Here