Over at Mountaineer Musings, SarahK says that her sister was a little… unclear… on Catholic wedding traditions:
she was very confused. she said that at first, she thought maybe it was a Catholic thing, having the groom’s name on his own goblet and his mother’s name on the bride’s goblet. she’s not known many Catholics so she thought it might be one of their traditions.
Having attended several Catholic weddings myself, I have to say that Sizzle – and probably SarahK, too – are BOTH in for a few surprises.
Since weddings are stressful enough, here’s a list of little-known (although actually quite common) Catholic wedding rituals:
- Sacramental tequila shots (remember – Lick, Slam, Suck)
- Doritoes Xtreme Nacho Communion wafers
- Bride & groom both drag heavy, wooden crosses up the aisle. More Passion of the Christ means more Passion of the Couple.
- Bride slips the priest a $20 to skip the “if anyone here objects to this marriage” bit.
- Groom slips the priest a $100 to put it back in.
- Bride & groom gargle with holy water so that if they give their vows with a false heart, their tongues shall burst into flame.
- Bride & groom are encouraged to have a Best Fireman, and Extinguisher of Honor, respectively – just in case.
- Bibles in pews replaced by “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader“, since these Catholic ceremonies tend to drag on a bit.
- After the words “man and wife” are pronounced, attendees charge the choir area for moshing and crowd-surfing.
- Please note that – since Catholic churches are considered “holy ground” – the beheading of fellow immortals is strictly prohibited during the ceremony.
That should pretty much cover it. Let me know if I missed anything.
I love the Uncle John’s Bathroom reader!
I forgot about that last bulletpoint, though…
i’ll have to let little Sizzle know she was closer than she thought!
How about free christening of their first child at the end of the ceremony?
Or, obligatory love song written and sung by the groom’s 2nd cousin to commemorate the blessed day, though nobody can understand a word he says because he thinks it’s cool to sing like Bob Dylan.
Although it’s not strictly a Catholic thing, SarahK was also a little surprised that she would be expected to dance. I hope Frank has a camera to capture her expression when he tells her about the garter belt “tradition”.
My Wife and I are both ‘Roman’ Catholic, and our wedding was “old school” Catholic! Highlights:
– 90 minute ‘High’ Mass … in Latin! No crap … Latin!
– Lighting lots of friggn’ tall candles (Note-Fire hazard if Maid of Honor dress is flamible)
– Ave Maria song by solist (damn good)
– Wife & I stood or kneeled through the whole damn thing!!! (I though only gay guys got sore knees during weddings)
– Alot of bell-ringing, AND …
– When the Bishop said, “Till Death do you part…”, he means it so if you cheat on her down the road, watch your back FrankJ.
A Dorito sounds a heck of a lot better than the usual “stick to the roof of your mouth” wafers!!
Is the second dance at the reception traditionally “Boot Scoot Boogy” or is that just Baptists?
And here I thought I’d be able to come out as the only one after a Catholic wedding.
Don’t forget the traditional Hymn version of “Groovy Kind of Love” on the organ… no… not the Groom’s organ, the musical one
Don’t forget when they hike the bouquet of flowers and all the single women try to prove they’re cool to guys by blocking a field goal attempt
You didn’t put enough emphasis on how long Catholic weddings are. One of my best friends had a Catholic traditional wedding including the full mass. The sermon lasted over an hour, during which time the matron of honor, one of the bridesmaids, and one groomsman FAINTED from standing w/ locked knees too long or something. The priest just kept going, my friend was sobbing, and her dad was positively apoplectic!
The moral of this story – do NOT lock your knees at a Catholic wedding, however tempting it may seem.
As to the immortal holy ground limitation, I wish the movies or the series advocated a few things. Like, McCloud fights another immortal in a Scientology temple, no problem, but when he tries to fight at the Reagan Library, no go.
Does Reagan have a library?
Belloq
I would hope so… after all, Clinton has a massage parlor… err… library
Anybody remember in the t.v. show, that Viking who posed as a Catholic Priest? The only times he was alone he was on “holy ground” and whenever he was out of the church the townspeople would interfere, wouldn’t let anyone hurt their priest! Damn sly Vikings.