Or, at least, within ten places of it.
Why doesn’t everyone put out there own blog rankings, starting wtih IMAO as number one.
Frankly, I only like my own blog.
UPDATE: I guess the header should be “we” since Hawkins tends to use posts from all the co-bloggers, but I like keeping all the glory.
Archive of entries posted on 3rd October 2005
The worst things about Rosh Hashana
- Unless you’re first, who knows what the heck has been dipped in that honey.
- I keep trying to read the Torah from left to right.
- I can never spell it right, nor can I spell it wrong consistently.
- Why did I hit the ATM before Tashlikh?
- Ever have the A/C go out at synagogue on Rosh Hashana? Kinda makes that “no work” think suck all that much more.
- “God’s sovereignty” may bless you for the year, but it won’t get you out of a speeding ticket.
- Ever search for a good shevarim, teruah, and tekiah gedolah on Napster? Bet you can’t.
- Same prank every year: invisible ink in the Book Of Life.
- Some years, the only thing that ever gets blown is the shofar.
And the number one worst thing about Rosh Hashana… - Writing 5765 on all my Zionist Conspiracy checks to LFG Lizardoid Commander Charles Johnson.
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 39 – The Best Laid Plans
BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 38)
“I don’t trust you, Rico.”
“And I don’t trust you, Gredler, but I just want a little revenge, a little money, and then we won’t ever see each other again. Anyway, I have some important information for you: Corloni aren’t waiting; they’re coming for you tomorrow.”
“Are you certain of this?”
“Yes. We were just assaulted by the Corloni girl scout troop, but are okay. Corloni should be right now moving enough people that you should be able to detect it.”
“So, Rico, what do you recommend?”
“Move your speech to tomorrow morning; you have enough pull to do it. Just say something came up so you can’t stay the extra day.”
“Why would I do that?”
“So we can choose the battlefield. It’s better in the city so we can hide more Randatti who I assume have already come as backup. Just send my associate Dip all the information you have on the convention center and I’ll have the battle plan back for you soon. I know exactly how they’ll come at you and how to fight back in kind. You’ll have plenty of time to review my plan before the fight begins.”
“I am seeing less and less reason to be here at all.”
“Running is going to make the Randatti look weak, and they aren’t going to like that. You do what I tell you, and we will hit the Corloni hard and you’ll get a lot of the credit. As for yourself, have an escape plan, but know that I’m going to be standing between you and them… and you know how dangerous I am.”
There was some silence. “All right, Rico. I’ll send you the information you need and announce the change of time of my speech. Let’s see if you can deliver.”
“I never fail.” The day I fail is the day I die.
He hung up and I confirmed that Dip was getting the information on the convention center. “By the way,” Dip told me, “I’ve noticed some glitches in defenses at the capital city. As you mentioned to Gredler, I suspect this has to do with movement of the syndicates’ people – both Corloni and Randatti. This change in city defenses could mean a better chance of direct extraction.”
“Keep an eye on it… and let me review the battle plans before you send them to Gredler.” I looked to Diane. She appeared angry about something (well, she had plenty to be angry about, but so far seemed to take most of it in stride).
“If you kept the attack at the villa, it would be away from civilians,” she told me.
“My plans revolve around the convention center; civilians are your concern, not mine.”
“And how am I a supposed to get everyone out of the city before you turn it into a war zone tomorrow morning?”
“You’re smart; you’ll figure it out.” She just scowled. I was wondering if I had to worry about a mutiny. “Do you know why you’re helping me right now, Diane?”
“Please tell me, Rico,” she answered with annoyance.
“Because deep down you know your one world police force is no match for what’s coming, and at least sticking with me you feel you might have some control over the events. What I wonder is if you have it in your pretty little head that you might somehow stop this slaughter entirely. If you can’t give up that fantasy by tomorrow morning, you’re not going to be able to save any lives…” It was time for my well-rehearsed threatening face. “Not even your own.”
She just kept scowling, but turned her attention to driving the car. Soon I could see where she was taking me: right into downtown near where the sentient diversity conference was being held. The area was pretty at night with all the lights. I decided to enjoy the view, as it was the last night it would be there.
NEXT
Ramadan Recipes
Just a heads up for all you Muslim readers of IMAO out there: barring the utter destruction of the moon, Ramadan will begin Tuesday evening, which means fasting begins before Wednesday dawn.
For those of you looking for some Ramadan fasting recipes, here’s a few that Spacemonkey and I whipped up in the IMAO Test Kitchen before SarahK threatened to shoot us if we didn’t clean up our mess:
OLD-FASHIONED NOTHING PANCAKES
0 cups of buttermilk
0 cups of flour
0 eggs
0 strawberries
NOTHING SHAKES
0 scoops ice cream
0 cups of whole milk
0 tablespoons chocolate sauce
(substitute skim milk for regular milk for those on a diet)
TOASTLESS TOAST
0 slices of bread
0 teaspoons sugar
0 teaspoons cinnamon
0 pats of butter
Oh, and don’t try any funny business during Yom Kippur. We’re not falling for that one again.
Maybe She Won’t Murder Us Conservatives in Our Sleep
The Anchoress (the only one polled at Right Wing News on the Supreme Court picks to get it right) has Harriet Miers in her own words about the Constitution.
Anyway, Cheney is going to be on Rush’s show soon to try and explain this one.
UPDATE: More good news.
BTW, am I like the only conservative who hasn’t freaked out about this nomination?
UPDATE 2: Just heard on Rush that she’s an evangelical Christian and is a strict interpretationalist with both the Bible and the Constitution. Finally, something for liberals to freak out about.
Who Wants to Guess?
Know Thy Enemy Supreme Court Nominee: Harriet Miers
Well, so far no one seems to like Bush’s new pick for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers. I even went to DU trying to hope they picked up on something conservative she said to shake their tiny fists about in impotent rage, but all they were able to come up with was “cronyism.” Well, since Miers was not a judge and doesn’t have a record to go by, I had my crack research staff look up what they could that might indicate the kind of judge Harriet Miers will be. Most of it is quite disheartening, though.
FUN FACTS ABOUT HARRIET MIERS
Continue reading ‘Know Thy Enemy Supreme Court Nominee: Harriet Miers’ »
Florida Laws Create a Tougher Job Market
AP Staff Writer Frank Miller
Already hurting from losses of tourism in the wake of terrorism threats and hurricanes, Florida has hurt its job market even further by making the occupation of criminality much tougher. By a new law that just came into effect on October 1st, citizens are now able to meet force with force and also can presume that anyone breaking into his or her house is meaning to do harm. Originally, if someone threw a punch at a Floridian, the attacked was obligated by law to run away like a little pansy. Now, with the new law in affect, someone who is punched can strike back with his or her full mastery of kung fu. If an attacker draws a knife, a Floridian can now draw a gun in response (rock beats scissors).
Also before the law, if someone broke into a house, the homeowner had to determine the criminal was meaning to do harm and not just robbing before being legally able to even point a gun at the criminal. Now, for any intruder into a home, it’s duck season. Doesn’t even matter if he’s waving his hands in the air yelling, “Don’t shoot!”
“With these laws, breaking into homes is no longer an option because of the safety risk,” said a local criminal before I shot him to death for appearing threatening.
The already devastated criminal population of Florida may face yet another hurdle, though: another pro-gun law that forces employers to allow their employees to keep guns in their cars.
“Things just keep getting harder for us,” said another career criminal whom I also shot before I got his name, “Robbing people in their work parking lot has always been safe for us, but now that could go away too.”
Local Floridian Frank J. was more enthusiastic about the law. “Not being able to keep a gun in my car sucks,” he said, “I used to have an office right near a gun range, and I would have been able to stop there after work if I only was allowed by my employer to keep guns in my car. Yeah, I know the libertarian angle that businesses should be able to pass any rules they want about their own property, but I’m a Republican, not a Libertarian, and I want my gun!” Frank J. then shook his fist to emphasize his anger at not having his gun.
“Shooting criminals is fun! Yay!” added SarahK, also a Florida resident, before yelling angrily at Frank J. for something he apparently did wrong but was unaware of.
Just For the Record
I just want to say something for the official IMAO record. What is it I want to say?
Well, I’ll tell you. I want to say I think Judge John Roberts will NOT be confirmed as chief justice of the supreme court.
I mean, you know, again. Once is plenty.
Did anybody cry this go-around?
Update: Bush nominated a female woman lady never-has been-a-judge to replace the female woman lady, used-to-be-a-judge, that’s retiring.
For the Record: I like chicks (namely my wife), but I don’t think she’ll be confirmed as Cheif Justice, unless she can defeat John Roberts in hand-to-hand combat as prescribed by the constitution. Given the differences in their ages and Roberts’ obvious armspan advantage, I don’t see it happening.