(A Filthy Lie)
Have you ever travelled to a foreign country and tried to ask where the bathroom was, only to discover that – in the native monkey-jabber – the words you used actually meant something entirely different? Like you just asked the guy if you could lick his elbow, and then he punches you right in the face and you have to get nine stitches?
I can’t be the only one that’s happened to.
Anyway, I know that if you go travelling, you’ll want to keep in touch with the blog world, so you’ll be tempted to mention to a native that you’re going to check Instapundit. However, I must warn you that doing so may be fraught with danger. So in an effort to prevent future international incidents, I thought I’d check on what “Instapundit” meant in various foreign languages. Before you open your mouth in some filthy, non-American cesspool of a country, check the list:
Arabic – Those camels are sexually desirable.
Chinese – I enjoy shoving rice up my nose.
Korean – Your hair is quite poofy.
Zulu – I offer three plump goats for your daughter.
Eskimo – My club is too small to kill that baby seal.
Klingon – I have dishonored your family by mating with your mother, who is quite ugly.
Hebrew – Is that shake made with kosher puppies?
Democrat – My taxes are too low. Please raise them with great haste.
Irish – Let’s drink and fight!
Kurdish – I miss Saddam.
Portuguese – Ricky Martin! Mmmm… FOXY!
Esperanto – I think we should resort to cannibalism.
Icelandic – With hindsight, I regret licking this flagpole.
Swedish – Are those real?
Thai – Enter my car and I will give you candy.
Italian – Your sister’s back hair is quite fetching.
Ukranian – $40 million is too much for such a small nuclear device. You must do better, or I will take my business to Belarus.
Scottish – Is that a bagpipe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Canadian – Instapundit, eh?
I also tried it in French, but – like every other word I tried – it kept coming back as “we surrender”. I think the Google Translator might be broken.
If I missed any important languages, feel free to leave your translations in the commments.