(A Filthy Lie)
Have you ever travelled to a foreign country and tried to ask where the bathroom was, only to discover that – in the native monkey-jabber – the words you used actually meant something entirely different? Like you just asked the guy if you could lick his elbow, and then he punches you right in the face and you have to get nine stitches?
I can’t be the only one that’s happened to.
Anyway, I know that if you go travelling, you’ll want to keep in touch with the blog world, so you’ll be tempted to mention to a native that you’re going to check Instapundit. However, I must warn you that doing so may be fraught with danger. So in an effort to prevent future international incidents, I thought I’d check on what “Instapundit” meant in various foreign languages. Before you open your mouth in some filthy, non-American cesspool of a country, check the list:
Arabic – Those camels are sexually desirable.
Chinese – I enjoy shoving rice up my nose.
Korean – Your hair is quite poofy.
Zulu – I offer three plump goats for your daughter.
Eskimo – My club is too small to kill that baby seal.
Klingon – I have dishonored your family by mating with your mother, who is quite ugly.
Hebrew – Is that shake made with kosher puppies?
Democrat – My taxes are too low. Please raise them with great haste.
Irish – Let’s drink and fight!
Kurdish – I miss Saddam.
Portuguese – Ricky Martin! Mmmm… FOXY!
Esperanto – I think we should resort to cannibalism.
Icelandic – With hindsight, I regret licking this flagpole.
Swedish – Are those real?
Thai – Enter my car and I will give you candy.
Italian – Your sister’s back hair is quite fetching.
Ukranian – $40 million is too much for such a small nuclear device. You must do better, or I will take my business to Belarus.
Scottish – Is that a bagpipe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Canadian – Instapundit, eh?
I also tried it in French, but – like every other word I tried – it kept coming back as “we surrender”. I think the Google Translator might be broken.
If I missed any important languages, feel free to leave your translations in the commments.
Correction: To a Democrat, everything equals higher taxes.
And you spelt “comments” with three m’s.
A longer version should make the Podcast, Harvey; this was the funniest post on IMAO in a while.
German – Please invade my country.
Quebecois – I surrender, eh.
“Esperanto – I think we should resort to cannibalism.”
An important phrase in any language; I say it to waiters in every city I visit.
Anyway, haven’t talked to you guys in a long time and just wanted to say hello. Hope all is well with you Harvey, and with Frank, Sara, and everyone else as well.
S
Hehe, couldn’t stop laughing. 🙂
Berkeley/San Francisco – I am the president of the “I Love George Bush” fan club.
Iran – Have you seen my Israeli Mossad membership card?
Harlem – Yo mamma’s a crack ho!
Masai – Yes, I would like to wrestle naked with the lion and prove that I am a real man.
Congo – Your relatives were very tasty.
New Orleans – I am from Canada and I only carry cash.
Scotland – Do you wear a dress because you are gay?
As I posted at my site:
“In Cantonese, Instapundit literally translated is ‘your mother is a hairless goat’, which is why Glenn Reynolds is hated by the Chinese.”
Mayan – I would be happy to run a string of thorns through my genitals to make a blood sacrifice.
Latin – I came, I saw, I launched a denial-of-service attack.
l33t – You pwned me – I am such a noob.
Cuban – Castro gave me a defective rice cooker.
Not to defend Instapundit, but I suspect dang near any word means “Let’s drink and fight!” in Irish.
BASTITCH!! I just had a gum graft! THiS FREAKIN” HURTS!!
AARRGGGHH!!!!
Orion
Swiss – Where can I buy some Rubber Lederhosen?
Australian – Let’s have a Koala Smoothie!
“Comments” doesn’t have 3 m’s?
Fine, I’ll do it your way, just to be polite 🙂
India – Hello and thanks for calling AOL
Portuguese – Your sister’s big butt makes my dog cry
In New York, it translates to: “all liberal women look like Hillary Clinton and Helen Thomas.”
Pakistani – “How much is that nuclear device in the window?”
Choctaw – “Put everything on black.”
Welsh – “Send vowels!”
Floridian: Pat Buchanan
Polish, Lithuanian, Latvian, and Estonian: I think that it’s a shame that there’s no more Soviet Union.
Michael Moore-ish: Mmmmmm, bacon… bacon bought with the blood of American soldiers sent to die in an illegal war…
Minnesotan- Republican, yah, you betcha!!*
*not heard very often
TEEEEEJ
in england-
“pardon me whle i jump the queue.”
“yes, i think that bush is a sentient human”
“so, the queen eh? nice arse?”
“fancy founding an empire?”