Like my headline? These events aren’t made up they’re just too far in front of the news cycle.
Which is to say they aren’t true, but only because they haven’t happened YET.
Any other unlikely headlines you can think of that the Left would believe just because they want it to be true SOOOOOOO bad?
America Defeated
Constitution and Bill of Rights shredded! Jimmy Carter installed as Lifetime Communist Dictator!
Congress Enacts New Bills; No Limit to Abortion Rights! All Sexual Deviancies now Legal!
New Enviornmental Bill; All Humans to Report to Incineration Booths!
Study Reports Unqustionably that SUV’s are Causing Global Warming; Earth to Incinerate in 10 Years!
Isreal Destroyed by Nuclear Attack!
Mexico to become 51st State!
Any Mention of God Banned from United States!
No More Boarders! U.S., Europe Now Ruled By One World Government!
ISLAM Now Official World Religion!
Democrats Win Control of Congress.
First order of business is to change law to allow Bill Clinton to run for an unlimited number of terms.
George W. Bush and Karl Rove “Outed”! Nancy Pelosi to be Hillarys’ running mate! U.S.Marines to be disarmed and feminized! Spacemonkey convicted by World Court of Inciting Free Speech!
Jimmy Carter installed as lifetime dictator…good Lord…I shudder at the thought…21% prime interest rates…19% inflation…getting our asses kicked by any and all small time dictators worldwide…gas lines…malaise…fireside chats with button down sweaters…ewwwww!!!
Liberal Males Don’t Have Tiny Genitalia, Studies Show
Full Birth, Post-Partem Abortions Now Completely “Safe & Legal”, Decrees SCOTUS (circa 2009)
President Clinton to Urge Congress to Declare Christians, Neo-Cons Subhuman “They’re really only 3/5’s human anyway,” she stated, “and therefore have no rights under our Constitution.” (circa late 2009)
Supreme Court declares 7-2
ALL CHILDREN DECLARED WARDS OF STATE
Parents allowed visitation on birthdays.
Worldwide Minimum Wage Raised To $9/hr.
Worldwide Maximum Wage Set At $9/hr.
President Signs Bill Banning All Firearms
Common Law Citizen Bill Passes: All Persons in USA longer than 60 Days Get Automatic Citizenship
Al Gore Sworn Inaugral Today
Diebold Proven to Have Been Hacked for GOP; All Previous Elections to Be Given to the Democratic Candidate
John Kerry’s Christmas Mission to Cambodia Proven to Have Happened
Sen. Boxer Has Three-Digit IQ
President Clinton and First Husband Clinton along with Vice President Jennifer Smeal and her “Domestic Partner” have moved into the White House. “Things are going to be different starting right now” said the new sitting President. This statement was followed by a hideous laugh not heard since…well…never heard before….
Here’s a couple for us:
Presidential Hopeful Sen. Hillary Clinton’s IQ Test Results Come Back Negative; No One In Shock
Extra! Lonely Former President Bill Clinton Plays With Himself- And Loses
Things that won’t happen.
Michael Moore Takes Shower
Al Gore gets laid
Tookie Williams brought back from dead and given clemency
New ABC poll suggests all unborn fetuses support women’s right to choose
50 Million Republicans Summarily Shot!
The final chapter of the Bush administration and Republicanism in general came to close today when the entire Republican Party was summarily executed for war crimes this week. It was a great day for humanity today when the great bulk of loyal Republicans literally lay their heads on the ground for the last time in solemn shame. Before taking his turn, Newt Gingrich noted that things in the world could be expected to suddenly improve now that we and our misguided policies have been forever erased from the face of the earth. It must be noted that the great majority of the Republican masses were shot with their own weapons. Pat Robertson spoke of the great epiphany that sudden overcame all of Republicanism. “After resisting the obvious for so long it finally dawned on us that the Republican party was indeed the repository for all the worlds ills”. Nancy Peloci joined a number of pacifists and anti-death penalty activists in agreement that they must set aside principles just this once for the opportunity get rid of them all for good. Bono and Neil Young sang in the new era of social justice celebrating the great redistribution of wealth among the poor of the world. A full UN war crimes trial was avoided as international observers raced to get final justice over with before those idiotic Republicans got a notion they might want to live. Secretary General Kofi Anon noted that since all the sins of humanity did indeed lay with the Americans in general and Republicans in particular, that an actual trial was a superfluous and dangerous idea. Environmentalists throughout the world declared it the greatest day in the history of mankind. “Humanity is now saved now that we are forever free of its Republican pollutants”.
OK guys,
I like my satire with growling nasty pointy teeth.
White Males to be Ethnicly Cleansed in Name of Tolerance
God comes out of the closet….
Bill of Rights Declared Unconstitutional
Hiss was innocent, KGB files reveal
Pyramid power works! Lenin arises from tomb
Plate tectonics show Texas sinking, California now stable
Swedish economy flourishing
SecState Chomsky, Iranian Pres. Ahmadi-nejad sign nuclear cooperation treaty
President Edwards officiates as Nixon purged from rolls at Duke Law School
“Wk”, “J*b”, “Sp”, others recommended new unwords – Crimethink Commission
Simian Coalition sweeps Spanish elections
Bush treed by killer rabbit – complete video at 11
Army of Davids laid low by Googliath
New VD vaccines also lower inhibitions
Wiccans consecrate remodeled Pentagon as “The Lady’s Pentacle”
Marijuana-coca hybrid spreads like kudzu
PM Galloway delivers rope for hanging last Israeli
Zimbabweans outlawed internal combustion circa 4000 B.C.E. – Archaeologists
Gonzales gets ICJ permission to star in commercial as Juan Valdez before execution
Freedom Fighters kill last heterosexual Marine
god’s suicide note found in Vatican Library
Mary Jo Kopechne found alive in J. Edgar Hoover’s basement
More universities offering degrees in glue-sniffing
New York State returned to bioengineered Mohicans
Search continues for differently-abled nippo-magyar lesbian for Security Council seat
Caribou fans celebrate ANWR annexation of Siberia, most of Alberta and Nevada
Till the last chad drops: historians begin 100,000th recount in Brouard County
Haughty Neil Young declines Alabama invitation: “I know you need me around. Anyhow, no.”
Al-Tikriti leads in Danish polls
New Chinese ICBM powered by moonbeams
KC grizzly maulings up 80%
Ted Nugent chokes to death on venison
GenSec Clinton signs gunpowder ban