(A Filthy Lie)
You may have noticed that – from time to time – John Hawkins of Right Wing News will re-post an entry from IMAO in its entirety.
Which is fine with us.
It’s not that we condone plagiarism (we’re NOT the New York Times), but it’s because of the sweet kickbacks he gives us. Usually scotch & hookers.
Except for Frank, who gets paid with sacks of monkey skulls, which he uses to decorate the altar of his Zatoichi shrine.
However, I recently got an e-mail from John, saying that he’d maxed out his tab at Leroy’s House O’ Ho’s, and asked if we’d take an interview with Glenn Reynolds as payment, instead. John’s a good guy, so I said “yes”. I’m just hoping Frank will be too busy working on his In My World book to notice the absence of simian craniums in the mail this week.
Anyway, here’s the interview:

JOHN: I see that you’ve recently taken a stand in favor of professorial nudity. Is that how you normally dress for work yourself?
GLENN: HEAVENS no! Exposing hairy man-boobs is ALWAYS a bad idea, which explains the pathetic sales of Michael Moore’s documentary “Bowling for Fat Guys in Speedos”. However, I will confess that – in the pursuit of pedagogical goals – I have been known to don a costume on occasion.
JOHN: So you’re saying that you dressed as a Catholic priest?
GLENN: I said “pedagogical“! Try using a dictionary for something besides propping up the short leg of the sofa.
JOHN: Actually, that’s what I use “An Army of Davids” for. Anyway, I want to hear more about these costumes of yours.
GLENN: Well, it all started when I was re-evaluating a data study from the Center for Applied Psychological Hermeneutics, which discovered that between 56% and 58% of over 16,000 freshman students at three state universities were…
JOHN: …probably as bored as I am. Can we get to the costumes?
GLENN: You have the attention span of a caffeinated ferret.
JOHN: Still bored, here.
GLENN: Fine. There was this costume:

that I wore for a class called “Civil Suit Alchemy – Turning Pain Into Gold”. Students were told to find grounds to sue Superman.
JOHN: Impossible! He’s the ultimate Boy Scout! He won’t even fly across the street against a red light!
GLENN: True, but with a good expert witness, you can convince a jury that his X-ray vision gave your client cancer.
JOHN: You have no conscience.
GLENN: Lawyer.
JOHN: Touché. So what else have you worn?
GLENN: Same class, next day:

JOHN: So you want to sue elves for making defective Christmas toys?
GLENN: Ya know, a lot of first-year law students make that same mistake. But when you sue, you should always go for the target with the deepest pockets. Thus the title of the lecture: “When In Doubt, Sue Santa”.
JOHN: How do you sleep at night?
GLENN: On a mattress stuffed with contingency fees.
JOHN: Any other costumes?
GLENN: Well, I often wear this one when I discuss Marbury v. Madison during my lecture on the Federal separation of powers:

JOHN: What do penguins have to do with…
GLENN: WHOOPS! How’d THAT one get in there!… Hey! Look at the time. I gotta go!
JOHN: Well, thanks for taking the time to share the cobwebby inner darkness of your soul with us, Glenn.
Join me next week when the Travelocity gnome explains why he’d rather fly a lawn chair into a set of stadium lights than ride with a Kennedy.