I’m sure there will be online petitions shrieking for the charter of the Nobel Peace Prize to be changed to allow it to be retracted after these sweet nothings by 1994’s co-winner Shimon Peres:
Vice Premier Shimon Peres said Monday in an interview to Reuters that “the president of Iran should remember that Iran can also be wiped off the map,” Army Radio reported.
According to Peres, “Teheran is making a mockery of the international community’s efforts to solve the crisis surrounding Iran’s nuclear program.”
“Iran presents a danger to the entire world, not just to us,” Peres added.
Well, as long as we’re wiping countries off of the map willy-nilly, here’s a few suggestions:
- Nigerian: I’m tired of all this Spam. Someone told me it’s Nigerian Spam. Fine. Wipe Nigerian off of the map, no more Spam.
- Dollywood: Dolly Parton’s a great singer, sure, but the thought of her running a theme park creeps me out. Especially when you consider that she’s pushing sixty. After she’s dead, will they turn her into a robot, or will they freeze her like Walt Disney? Now I’m even more creeped out.
- Samoa: The CIA World Factbook lists American Samoa and Samoa. I can’t keep them straight. Savaii? Upolu? Pago Pago? Get rid of one. Now.
- Eurasia: We’re at war with them, you know. (Or is it Eastasia? So hard to keep track of.)
- The Compass Rose: Okay, so it’s not technically a country, but anyone with half a brain can find North these days. Just hold the map with all the letters facing right-side up. Or, if it doesn’t have words, hold North America on the top and South America on the bottom. See? (And if it’s an old-fangly map, get rid of that big nasty 100 mile long sea serpent!)
- The Grand Duchy of Fenwick: Despite not having a nuclear energy program of their own, they have somehow managed to procure a Doomsday Device. Oh well. Sure, they’re not Muslims, but we’d better not take any chances.
- Oman: That whole “Straits of Hormuz” crap causes so many problems. How the heck are we supposed to get all that oil out through that tiny strip of water? And how the heck are we supposed to get all our aircraft carriers, submarines, destroyers, cruisers, and other naval vessels in through that tiny strip of water when the oil’s not coming out? I say blast away that Musandam bit into rubble and bloody hummus.
- Aztlán: I’m tired of all these protestors saying that they’re from Occupied Aztlán, laying claim to Texas and Arizona and Southern California (How about just Berkeley?). If we don’t wipe this place off of the map once and for all, we’ll end up like the Jews having to deal with these delusional people claiming to be from some imaginary country called “Palestine.” (If you think exploding Arabs are bad, just think of all of the exploding Mexicans. Who would we get clean them up?)
- 93Q Country: They’re actually a local radio station here in Houston, but they’re got the most obnoxious country music ads. I swear, you hear one of their promo spots, and you have to cough out the NASCAR exhaust. I say wipe them from the map.
What country would you like to see wiped from the map?
Can we wipe a few “stans” off the face of the map? There are soooo many stans, kyrgizstan, Kazahkstan, Uzbekistan, and Turkmenistan just to name a few. How are we supposed to keep track. Either have an original name for your country, or you don’t deserve a country.
Hugo Chavez is making noise about going nuclear, wouldn’t mind seeing a mushroom cloud over Caracas.
First to say First and to wipe France off the map
The Grand Duchy of Fenwick: Despite not having a nuclear energy program of their own, they have somehow managed to procure a Doomsday Device. Oh well. Sure, they’re not Muslims, but we’d better not take any chances.
Absolutely Classic.
oh, and France should definitely be wiped off the map. Canada too…they are way too quiet. I don’t trust them.
Ah, a special BLU-82 for Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, and the numbnut from Bolivia who are all under the impression that communism works – notwithstanding the 90+ years of empircal evidence to the contrary.
Syria has to go. And let’s deal with Chechnya too. We’d even have Russian support on that one.
For France, it’s Clearstream.
93Q Country. I live in Houston and this is a terrible station. Oh yeah, stop being a wuss by listening to country music. Geeze.
Frank – Do you realize you can multitask with the Grand Duchy of Fenwick? Remember that they have Lunar territory as well.
NUKE THE MOON!
Gee, I’m surprised no silly libbies have requested the nuking of America, Israel, or Halliburton yet.
NUKE FRANCE!
“Eurasia: We’re at war with them, you know. (Or is it Eastasia? So hard to keep track of.)”
We have always been at war with Eastasia/Eurasia. Or was that Oceania?
Nuke Kositopia and all the Krazy Kossack Kids.
Have an Evil day.
Not to be too picky, but it is actually The Duchy of Grand Fenwick. Soon to be The Glass Parking Lot of Grand Fenwick.
How about Canada? To me they are just so gay . . .
So easy:
Berkeley!
How about that stupid monkey zoo-Beverly Hills(of monkey poo)
Isn’t Oman a sin?