The Council to Restore Understanding and Tolerance Concerning Hawks (CRUTCH) issued a statement today condemning the actions of an 11 year old boy who viciously beat a Hawk who was allegedly trying to eat the boy’s puppy.
“We are concerned about the actions of this young boy and the history of hatred of hawks and violence towards those hawks” , commented Tsai Khosis, the CRUTCH regional director.
“Hawks are peaceful creatures with no history of scooping up field mice and making off with them. When you compare actual histories, you’d be more accurate to try to catch Bunny Foo Foos who not only scoop up field mice, but bop them on the head.”
The young man claims, “I don’t care what CRUTCH says, my puppy was in danger and I had to take action. I can’t look away and wait for somebody to come and rescue my puppy.”
The young man has come under scrutiny as investigators look at the boy-on-hawk violence to determine if this is a potential hate crime. IMAO will be on this story and will share any updates as they become available.
Remember…
“Hawks Don’t Kill Puppies.
Puppies Kill…”
Wait… that doesn’t work. Never mind…
In an unrelated story, Glenn Reynolds, noted Hawk apologist, denied reports that he provided funding for blenders smuggled into the US, stating that “all birds have the right to the peaceful use of kitchen technology for delicious desserts and smoothies.”
this post is a funny a rubber CRUTCH…
always preview before posting:
“…AS funny AS a rubber CRUTCH…”
dang liberal arts education!
As a member of the human-raptor community, I protest this cruel and callous treatment of an important member of our diverse biosphere. Dachshunds, as well as humans, must realize that they are only one part of biodiversity, and not the most important part.
As an ex-GI, I admire hawks. However, I am wondering if this was an Islamohawk, whose goal was to erase another teutonic hound to further the islaminc takeover of germany. The newspaper did not reveal that the hawk took off the dog’s nose. Asked by reporters how his dog smelled, the boy replied “Horrible”.
OMG! The dog’s name was Dhimmi!
“Tsai Khosis”.
Doesn’t he work for the AP as well?
That’s it! This was Glenn Reynold’s hawk! Glenn is now so shy about snatching puppies for blending, that he’s trained an army of hawks to snatch puppies for him!
(Hey, this line of thought works for Michael Mooreon, except I forgot to blame Bush and say that the hawk was trained by the CIA to only snatch the puppies of poor socialist minorities!)
Puppies are dangerous, man! They’ll eat your toes off if you’re not careful!
The hawk was just trying to rescue the boy, and look what thanks he got!
When my puppy was little I spotted a red-tailed hawk eying him from atop the neighbor’s soccer goal. I asked him what his intentions were…he just flew off like I wasn’t speaking to him. …so I punched my neighbor in his monkey-face for having a soccer goal…that attracts stuck-up hawks.
OMG! An employee of frank’s is advocating the slaughter of puppies for sustenance! THis latest threat will not go unanswered!
BACON®!
That wasn’t a real hawk, that was a duck in disguise. The Master Quacker has organized the nations ducks into killing machines……
Oh, the humanity!!!!
(You are truly a master mind Mr. Duck. If only you’d use your genius for good. How anyone could organize ducks into a cogent organization is wasted blogging. You should be writing policy at the EU. If anybody could organized that bunch of orangutans it’s you.)
I have a feeling the field mice are behind this whole conspiracy.
Should have let the hawk have him if you can punt it, it’s not a dog.
First, a few words about the dachshund.
Dachshund is German for “badger dog”. A badger will take on a bear; a dachshund will take on a badger. Nuff said.
Now here in New York, there’s a love affair going on with a hawk perched on a 5th Av. hi-rise. People tolerate the shit and half-eaten rats dropped on them, but if this thing ever swooped down on some yenta’s dachshund, hoo boy, there’d be hell to pay!
The dachshund is a noble breed, and deserves better than cowardly avian attacks and threats of punting…
I don’t mean to seem picky-but…the story kept refering to Dimmy being a “toy” dachshund.
POODLES are “toys”-small Doxies are “minis”.
I grew up with the little monsters so I know.
Btw-One of our dogs was “Moshe Dyan ben Dachs”-a zionist doxie.
I’m sure James BaKKKer would be apalled.