Democrats have lost their way, lost their minds, and lost their balls, so it logically proceeds that they want to lose the war. What I don’t understand is why do we have to put up with these losers? Yes, they were elected, but they were obviously elected by other losers and everyone whose opinion counts hates losers. As my dad used to say to me every time before the start of my little league games, “If you lose, I’ll beat you until Child Welfare Services takes you away. I don’t tolerate losers because America is for winners.” His words are as true today as they were then, but it seems we now have a country more tolerant of losers. And who tolerates the losers? Other losers. Thus only one solution exists: Deport the losers.
Rounding up losers and deporting them would technically be an easy feat since losers never put up much resistance (it’s why they’re losers). The problem is that, because of an erroneous interpretation of the Founding Fathers’ intent, randomly deporting American citizens is considered unconstitutional. This would be easy to fix by making a new amendment to the Constitution that simply states “America is for winners.” Then the Supreme Court would be forced to conclude that, since America is for winners, losers shouldn’t be in America and must be deported.
This would be an easy amendment to pass since losers tend to think they’re winners (even though it it obvious to actual winners that they are losers). When the amendment is passed, an Unwinner Activities Council would have to be formed to root out losers infiltrated into American society. The Council would be composed of winners like war heroes and football players (winning football players – and not from that gay European football). When losers are identified, they would be put into those big metal cargo crates and shipped to whatever country we hate the most so the losers can help that country lose wars. And, other countries would be forced to accept our losers because we’re winners. You don’t want to mess with winners.
When America is returned to being exclusively to winners, we can finally win all those wars and other stuff since there will no longer be anyone around saying, “Hey. Know what? We should lose.” That’s loser talk, and it won’t be heard in America anymore unless that person wants to be deported. Then, full of only winners, America will be so great that all the world shall tremble at our might.
Because we’re winners.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam” and “Winners Would Buy This Book”.
But, my Mommy said everybody’s a winner!
Nope, that’s just another way of sayin’ you’re a loser.
FIRST!!!!
My only worry here with your verbage is how do you exclude the CHEATERS? There are quite a uncouth jerks that win by cheating; for example, selling off their yellow properties just after they find out that their roll is going to put them on Park Place with hotels…and those people deserve to have tables thrown at them on the occasion…anyway, can we deport them too?
Let’s quit talking about this one and implement it now! One caveat, however–one has to actually BE a winner not a loser that wants to “some day” become a winner–because we all know that that day never comes for these people and in the interim they have time to work their evil doer ways! Also, Hollywood types who make gazillions of dollars “acting” like winners should be shipped out as the losers that they really are! Also, ANYONE who listens to or has EVER listened to RAP music GOES!
If you’re not first, you’re last!
What about “winners” who really really suck as human beings and Americans? I’m thinking of the GE “ship it to India” school of management and their various hellspawn who work 100 hour weeks, make intense money, and do absolutely nothing else. Maybe we should qualify it as also being good and well rounded, and I mean that in the 1900-1960 way of actually having an interest in music/etc. and sponsoring civic and technological works and not the tree-huggy way that crudely poses as socialite responsiblity today. Yeah, I took that post far too seriously, but dayam… These people have money but when it comes to life, they resemble the lounge singer/night at the Rocksbury crowd more than anyone.
Then President Bush will have to deported immediately. Any idiot who can give a State of the Union and suggest that Americans should be taxed for having employer health insurance is a total loser. Way to go Bush. Do whatever your multinational corporate overlords ask of you. Way to screw over the middle class. It looks like none of us are winners Frank. Are we supposed say Hooray! We finally get to be taxed for our health insurance! Hooray! Thank God for Bush! I’m a frackin winner! No, we are losers because we are allowing a lying crook to screw all of us over in favor of massive multinational corporations. Bush = more taxes, more illegal immigrants, bigger government — whatever it takes to the give the huge corporations what they want. Big companies wanted tax breaks for offshoring jobs. They got it! Want to get rid of employee health insurance? Got it! Bush doesn’t give a crap about any of us. He just cares about huge giant companies. So your speel about a winners amendment is just a bunch of crap. The only winners in this political climate are the crooks running our country who get rich while us losers all get screwed. The war on terror is a terrific misdirection for them to stuff their pockets. Yes, we do face a legitimate madman islamist problem – but they are also using it to ram through policies that benefit huge companies that the public normally never would have tolerated. The crooks are the ones who should be stuffed in the big metal crates and shipped away. Or, even better – if we had the technology – we could send the crooks hurling through space trapped inside one of those glass jails from the first Superman film.
Sacarcasm = gone!
Let’s quit talking about this one and implement it now! One caveat, however–one has to actually BE a winner not a loser that wants to “some day” become a winner–because we all know that that day never comes for these people and in the interim they have time to work their evil-doer ways! Also, Hollywood types who make gazillions of dollars “acting” like winners should be shipped out as the losers that they really are! Also, ANYONE who listens to or has EVER listened to RAP music GOES!
If a loser does not want to be deported, simply purchase and play Big Rigs Over the Road Racing. BROTRRs are all winners!
This could be done without an amendment. California is for losers. Therefore, send all losers to CA. You’re not deporting them; you’re just keeping them in a safe place.
Democrats have lost their way, lost their minds, and lost their balls
No question. Unfortunately, so have most Republican office-holders, including California’s governor.
Nice Frank!
I showed this article to one of my friends and his girlfriend and this is their reply.
evan, i’m gonna get all my friends that hate bush to come give you a visit. so then you can get your ass kicked by “losers”
and his girlfriend’s reply:
…this guy is a nazi. congrats, evan, for putting this up. you made me bang my hand against my head in pure frustration.
Putting corporate crooks in a two-dimensional floating space prison is a waste of time, SUPERDUD. You’d only wind up setting them free with a feel-good, bleeding-heart act like hurling a nuke into space that was meant for Paris (a double-boner).
Anyone that watches American Idol goes…along with all past and future entries and judges!
Barney Frank…goes…nuff said!
President Bush suggests taxing a percentage of your contribution to an employer’s health care benefits while offering tax breaks to those who decide to buy their own health insurance and set up personal medical savings accounts. He is encouraging citizens to buy private insurance, thus free market supply and demand will eventually bring soaring health care prices under control – and provide accountability to the medical insurance demigod. Once Americans start purchasing health insurance privately, companies will spring up and compete to sell you the best coverage for the best price…like car insurance or mortgages!! If car insurance were a government-run entity the prices would be detrimental to anyone owning a car.
However, some of us will have to learn that a business does not exist solely to provide Americans with benefits and will have to find a way to pay for insurance now. It wont be easy, and it won’t be quick (two ‘killers’ in our soft citizenry – we want it quick and easy) but we are part of a raging economy and come from hardy stock. Perhaps we buy a smaller home or drive the car for five more years – those are the types of sacrifices our parents had to make. My grandparents NEVER had ANY health insurance. They paid their way proudly. Amazing how we have been lulled by some components of our government to rely upon them for our health care and our well-being after retirement. I have a dear friend, a priest, who grew up in communist Poland and he remembers standing in line for hours for bread, milk and flour. Thanks to socialized medicine, his mother nearly died waiting days for treatment for an illness – a wait that needlessly, senselessly took the life of her unborn son…that is the direction in which we are all heading unless we re-learn personal responsibility and kick government out of our personal lives.
We need to get back to the Americans we were: self-sufficient and proud. The government is for maintaining police departments and county parks, not doling out nickle and dimes to an aged population that put all of their eggs into one corrupt government basket nor deciding who gets (or doesn’t get) a liver or vaccination.
That is my opinion.
Oh, by the way, I am rounding up those cargo crates. Let me know where to bring ‘um.
Boudica
France. Send them all to France.
Sarcasm Man just wants Dick Chaney as President.
Boudica,
Health insurance paid for by employers is not socialized medicine — it is an employee perk. Bush’s plan to add a BRAND NEW TAX on people who are receiving health insurance from their employers (there would also be an equivalent new tax on the employers paying for the health insurance) has nothing to do with socialized health care. It has everything to do with Bush lending a helping hand to the insurance giants. Individuals do not have the bargaining power of large companies so when they are forced to get insurance on their own they will only be able to afford REALLY CRAPPY insurance. The insurance companies will love this — they hate having to bargain with big companies that employ lots of people. Many companies will probably be forced to drop health insurance as a perk since the Decider plans to start taxing them for offering it. So for most Americans it will mean either 1) a brand new extra tax or 2) a switch to worse health insurance that they now must pay for. It won’t employers either because they will either have to spend more money or dump insurance benefits and dumping health insurance will mean workers get no plans or worse health plans and they will be forced with a sicker workforce.
I hear you about our grandparents living through tough times but this isn’t about having to tough things out — this is about Bush screwing over workers so health insurance company executives can have more money. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to keep the car an extra five years just so I can have crappier health insurance and a guy like Ken Lay can finally afford that yacht he wanted. John Edwards best summed up Bush’s health care ideas in the 2004 campaign: “Pray you don’t get sick.”
You need to spend less time with the Social Justice League of America and more time at the Daily Planet, SUPERDUD – Ken Lay’s dead. More than a few of his fellow corporate crooks are doing lengthy stints in three-dimensional prisons here on Earth.
You better pray your mom doesn’t put a Kryptonite lock on that basement door…
I’m going to just live my life and not concern myself with silly conspiracy therories that I can’t control! Grow up and get a life!
Now I’m intrigued Mr Nukular Submarine, how many and which silly conspiracy theories do you control?
Conspiracy Theories sounds like loser talk.
Frank’s been sitting underneath an upended metal garbage can again, while taking fast balls from a pitching machine.