LAS VEGAS (AP) – Senior Clark County District Court Judge Charles Thompson said if Kucinich is excluded from MSNBC’s planned Democratic debate, he’ll issue an injunction stopping it.
“The purpose of a debate,” said Thompson, “is to provide a broad and diverse array of viewpoints to the American people so that they will be well-informed enough to make the gravest of decisions – choosing America’s next president. Although it’s good that Obama, Clinton, and Edwards were scheduled to appear – representing African-Americans, Female-Americans, and Sissy-Americans, respectively – there are many minority groups that will have no one addressing their specific needs. This is disgraceful and cannot be allowed.”
Under the terms of Thompson’s ruling, MSNBC was given a list of “critical” American social minorities, and ordered to choose someone to represent that minority on stage during the debate. MSNBC’s completed list appears as follows:
* Loony-Americans – Dennis Kucinich
* Treasonous-Americans – Jane Fonda
* Seditious-Americans – Michael Moore
* Bimbo-Americans – Sheryl Crow
* Weepy-Americans – Terrell Owens
* Truther-Americans – Rosie O’Donnell
* Sleazy-Americans – Howard Stern
* Blowhard-Americans – Al Gore
* Racebaiter-Americans – Jesse Jackson
* Sensible-Americans – [Note from MSNBC Executive Producers] None available in Democratic Party
Judge Thompson agreed with MSNBC’s observation, and – after muttering “what the hell was I thinking?”, crossed the final requirement off the list.
Hillary Clinton immediately filed an appeal against the ruling, explaining that she could technically represent all of the above categories. Judge Thompson threatened Clinton with contempt of court and threatened to make Clinton represent Cuckolded-Americans, causing her to immediately withdraw her request.
Noticably absent is the smallest hyphenated minority. The Individualist-American a/k/a Democrat Kryptonite
Hillary Clinton immediately filed an appeal against the ruling, explaining that she could technically represent all of the above categories.
Bimbo-Americans? I think not. When I hear the word “bimbo”, I think of somebody who is at least pleasant. I also think of somebody who doesn’t have the voice from hell. For various reasons, I hadn’t actually heard the Hildebeest’s voice until last week. I’d ask where she got it, except that I know. I grew up (not far from the Hildebeest) listening to women with that voice.
How about Liar-Americans then Romney can compete too.
Brilliantly funny, Harvey.
These days, if I hear any of the idiots in your list on radio or TV, I yell, “Shut the *uck Up!” and change the station before I puke.
Automaton-Americans – John Kerry
Drooly-Americans – Kieth Olberman
Quitty-Americans – Harry Reid
Faux-mericans – The NYT editorial staff
Junior-Americans – Canada
Fred Phelps — American democrats with serious anger management issues.
The list could be long…
Zell Miller qualifies for “Sensible-American”.
*Racist-Americans – Every rethuglican on this blog.
How cute… spent your welfare check on a computer huh?
I think that debate would be held much later because Al Sharpton would sue stating: “I am the true face of Race Baiting America! I’ve got the riots on my resume to prove it!”
AlanABQ,
Kerry would probably be offended by your use of the prejudiced “Automaton”. I believe the politically correct phrase is “Animatronic American”
Sanjayrupta – I’d completely forgotten about Zell. I stand corrected.
#9 – Good effort, but not funny as written. The format for this piece requires a single name after a given category, with the assumption that the readers will be able to figure out why that person was singled out to represent that particular minority.
“Racist-Americans – Harvey”
would’ve been better.
Please study IMAO’s “Why Me Laugh” category for more tips on humor writing, and try again on another post.
Racist-Americans – Every rethuglican on this blog.
Every single one, or altogether? You gotta be specific these days, as the theme of this post implies.
Remember, anon; Celebrate Diversity! Some of us are merely anti-semitic Neo-Con Joos, while others are Hillbilly misogynist dykes. To simply lump us all as “Racist-Americans” is really insensitive of you.
As it was said by Nigel Powers, “There are only two things I can’t stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures… and the Dutch.”
Stuck in Michael Moores big ass crack while he is looking for her- Michael Moore’s wife.