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“We’re going to steal arms from the military.”
Bryce Worthington said it as if it was some genius idea, but Doug didn’t quite see the appeal. He looked to Lulu Lui, but she seemed okay with the concept. Then again, she was wearing a military officer’s uniform for some reason. He turned back to Bryce. “Isn’t that treason?”
Bryce scoffed. “Come on; everyone does it. It’s like the jaywalking of treason. You ever jaywalked, Doug?”
“Yeah, but I got yelled at.”
“Well… if that’s the worse that happens, then I think we’ll have come out pretty well.”
“Would an officer wear this much eye shadow?” Lulu checked out her face and uniform in a mirror. She wore it quite well, but pigtails wasn’t the most authoritative of hair styles. “Eh, what do I care what other officers do; I’m my own person.”
“Where did you get that uniform?” Doug asked. Bryce was in a new suit, but Doug knew there was no point in asking him about it.
“I decided to join the military, and they thought I was so cute they went ahead and made me a Major.”
“So why does your nametag say ‘Chen’?”
“When they made me a Major, they decided to give me a name more officiery.”
Doug looked around the room. It had a very nice view of the city. “And whose apartment is this?”
“Doug, what’s with all the questions?” Bryce took on an angry tone. “You’re unemployed, so it’s not like you have anything better to do than help us rob this military base. Didn’t you just get replaced at your factory job by a monkey again?”
“Isn’t that like the fourth time you’ve been replaced by a highly trained monkey?” Lulu asked Doug.
“Third,” Bryce corrected. “The monkey that replaced him in his packing job was only marginally trained.”
“I hate monkeys!” Doug shouted. “I’m always getting replaced by monkeys or robots! They keep taking the jobs of honest humans like me and it’s not right!”
“I wonder what would happen if they made a robot monkey.” Lulu said.
“Then he’d totally be screwed,” Bryce said.
The thought horrified Doug. “That would be the worst thing ever!”
“Well, Doug my boy, it’s time to show the world you can do what monkeys and robots can’t.” Bryce tossed Doug some clothes. “Namely commit treason.”
Doug looked at the black uniform. “Isn’t this like the uniform for one of Asmod’s Protectors?” They were the government’s elite soldiers and very scary.
“Just put it on,” Bryce said. “No more time for questions.”
Doug really didn’t want to become an enemy of the state, but peer pressure was hard to resist. He headed off to the bedroom for a bit of privacy, but then he noticed something odd. “Why is there a half-naked woman tied up in here?”
“I don’t know,” Lulu answered, “but one thing is for sure: Her name isn’t Chen.”
She wasn’t moving. “Is she alive?”
Bryce looked slightly worried. “None of us have the medical experience to make a pronouncement on that matter.”
“Bryce was supposed to drug her drink,” Lulu explained, “but he screwed that up so I had to bash her over the head with a chair. It was a very sturdy chair.”
Bryce shrugged. “We’re kinda new to this espionage thing, so it’s well chalk this up as a learning experience.”
Doug figured they were already in pretty deep, so he might as well go along and put on the uniform. “Was this the woman you were dating, Bryce?”
“One of them.”
Doug shook his head. “You’re really horrible to women. You gotta work on that.”
“At least I get some,” Bryce answered. “The point is we needed her credentials for this mission and I’m not really going to weep much over the fate of one of Asmod’s stooges. You ready?”
Doug’s new uniform smelled funny. “I guess.”
Bryce handed him the helmet with skull-like facemask that went with the Protector uniform. “Put this on, and as long as you don’t say anything you might actually look slightly intimidating.”
He put the helmet and almost scared himself when he looked in the mirror. “We’re going to get like executed for this, aren’t we?”
“No, the government’s hasn’t been in much of an execution kick lately,” Bryce said. “More like reeducation… or for you, I guess just a plain education.”
“They’ll make us admit two plus two equals five,” Lulu said, “which won’t be too bad except for how it will screw up the multiplication tables.”
“I don’t want to learn math.” A thought struck Doug and he became quite concerned beyond just potentially being hunted by a government armed with arithmetic. “Will Charlene be a part of this?”
“Of course,” Lulu said. “It wouldn’t be team Hellbender without stick in the mud Charlene.”
“Okay. Good.” He was trying to get himself mentally prepared for this step into the abyss, but then another thought struck him. “Does she know she is going to be a part of this?”
Bryce laughed. “Of course not.”
There was an explosion nearby and then sirens started going off throughout the city. “That’s our cue.” Bryce ushered them to exit the apartment.
Doug could hear gunfire. “What’s going on?”
“Got inside info that Serpine’s forces are attacking today,” Bryce explained while they headed to the stairway. “That’s what we had to schedule around.”
“Who?”
Bryce led them towards the roof. “Transcendent who rules the areas north of us. Vowed to destroy this city recently and has been amassing forces to do just that.”
Doug shrugged. “I really don’t follow politics. So we’re being invading?”
“Since they’re going to leave after they raze this place,” Lulu said, “I don’t think it’s technically an invasion.”
Bryce stopped and turned towards Lulu. “Actually, I think as long as they just come in mass, it’s an invasion. I don’t think the term requires them to stay.”
“So are we being invaded?” Doug asked again.
Lulu shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe.”
Bryce led them to the roof, and Doug could see fighting in the air between jet planes and flying creatures. “They got dragons!”
Bryce sighed. “Superstitious talk like that is what give us Last a bad name. There are no such things as dragons, Doug. Are they breathing fire?”
“No… they’re firing missiles I think.”
“Not a dragon, then. Probably something much more ordinary like some sort of giant, flying, cyborg reptile.”
There was a crack of thunder and the sky turned purple. The clouds swirled until they formed the face of a woman that looked down upon them all with scorn. “Followers of Asmod, this city is doomed. Asmod has been an obstacle to our progress for too long, and now this city shall burn until nothing is left. You can see your defense is already falling to my superior forces, and soon my ally Loch will be here… and I think you know that means you should be gone. If any of you survive, you should rethink your loyalties.” The face faded away, and the sky was clear again.
“I’d so hit that.” Bryce turned away from the sky and walked towards a nearby military VTOL transport parked on the roof.
“Is Loch really coming?” Doug was more than a little frightened having heard all the stories of Loch, a being of immense power who used his infinite knowledge to inflict pain. If even a fraction of the stories about Loch were true, Doug was ready to flee immediately.
“Yes, and he’s going to eat our souls! Woooo!” Lulu laughed and got in the passenger seat.
Bryce got in the driver’s side. “The Trans have their silly rules of engagement which means Loch can’t do anything until Asmod’s forces are bested through traditional methods… something that should leave us enough time to steal from the military base in the midst of the chaos. We can’t start a new life without some capital.”
Doug didn’t share Bryce confidence, but he was now quite convinced they needed to get Charlene before they fled so she didn’t get left to the mercies of Loch. He got in the back of the vehicle and sat down while doing his best not to freak out at the continued sound of fighting nearby.
Bryce took the vehicle into the air. “Now, we have to fool them that Tri-Lu is an officer, I’m a government official, and you’re an elite soldier… but we only have to fool them for a couple of minutes if we’re quick.”
Lulu smiled and giggled. “I think is going to be neat. I’m glad we’re finally doing this criminal thing because my secretary job was really getting on my nerves.”
“I thought you were a stripper,” Doug said.
“I am… but it’s not my job.”
“One more thing,” Bryce said. “If I do this…” he made a motion with his arm. “Our cover is blown and we shoot our way out. Anyway just keep calm, and this should go off without a hitch.”
“And most of all, have fun,” Lulu added.
Doug didn’t quite see the shoot everyone signal and though of asking Bryce to repeat it, but then he realized he didn’t have a gun anyway.
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