So there’s this study showing that conservatives are more honest than liberals, and I’m pretty sure it’s true because it confirms my prejudices. And I remember there are also studies showing that liberals donate less money than conservatives and are generally less happy. So liberals are basically a bunch of dishonest, selfish, unhappy people with dumb monkey faces. Sometimes I wonder if we should reclassify liberals as some sort of subhuman, evil creatures like vampires. And, much like vampires, they freak out if they see crosses. Also, they die if you put a stake through their heart.
So, am I recommending there should be liberal hunters who hunt down and slay liberals? Perhaps, but you’ll have to consult with a lawyer on the legality on that. Of course, there’s a good chance the lawyer is a liberal and that you should stake him too.
If there shall be Liberal Hunters then I say send me! I’m guessing there will be a bounty and I live in the land of 10,000 liberals and I can easily spot them so I’m guessing I can become rich rich rich and after all it’s all about me me me.
Dishonest, unhappy, selfish, dumb monkey faces, and subhuman. They also like the French. Is it possible that liberals are really just bald monkeys?
I live in Chicago. There is NO WAY. My arm would fall off after a couple hours of heart poking.
Umm…
Some liberals die if you EAT a steak in front of them…
I’m just sayin’
What do you mean “reclassify” them? They are subhuman, evil creatures.
Hazel the Liberal Slayer, at your service! I’ll start small for now, but the heavy staking will begin when I go back to college in August. The only problem is that they eat tons of garlic, so we’ll all have to hang meat around instead, which decays a lot quicker.
Very interesting. I think we should implement this immediately. I will volunteer my services as one of the Liberal Hunters.
You crackers saying these “liberals” are even more dishonest than we “progressives”? Damn, you racist crackers are dumb!
As I believe in conservative capitalism, I bid for the job at cost (weapon maintenance & ammo) plus 9%. Body disposal not included. I just shoot them. Touching them (with PPE or not) is extra.
I’m only 20 miles from the boarder of the People’s Republic of California, which means the hunting is plentiful. I’ve got a good idea to begin wiping out as many as possible…I just need the aid of a lumberjack. I’ll go to Santa Cruz, and begin cutting down the redwoods to make stakes…this will draw them from far and wide to protest, drawing them right into the trap. Even at the cost of $1 per liberal, I’d be a billionaire in no time at all! If someone wants to get in on the action, all they have to do is go down to the beach and start clubbing seals or hunting whales.
#3 – I live in CA (am from Chicago) so I think I may have you beat. Our towns and beaches are teeming with liberals and hippies. We cannot escape it! I think my husband will like Frank’s idea. Maybe he can hunt/kill and I can provide snacks when he’s tired or something.
#10 – hahaha – I just read yours! Must have missed it the first time. I agree, all very good traps!!
Hello, I’d like to apply for the position.
#’s 10 & 11, take along a giant turkey roaster and cook the hippies in oil and then sell the cuts to the hippies themselves. Tell ’em it’s organic chicken. They’ll drive up in their Priuses just to buy it in a park with roadside stands. Hire a rock band and put up psychedelic signs. They’ll eat themselves while being entertained and you make lots of money. Everybody wins. (PS, I have a crossbow you can use – produces nice silent kills.)
It beats your Random Thought about killing Hobos.
Hobos at least serve a useful social purpose acting as moral lessons; ‘See what happens if you don’t study?’, ‘That man’s crazy because he wouldn’t stop touching himself’, etc. So far I’ve never seen ANY use for liberals.
Here’s a thought: We all die eventually. If you could magically take just one other person with you when you go, who would it be? If I die of natural causes I’ll have time to ponder my choices. If I die by violence I’ll take the SOB who attacked me (magically or not). It’s a Nordic thing.
#15 – Hobos also buy alcohol for underage college students. Not me, mind you, but I’ve heard a couple stories around campus. Granted, that’s not real useful to society in general, but it helps someone.
Gee, liberals are less honest than conservatives. I wonder if that could be explained by the fact that most of them, at least the true liberals, don’t believe in a higher authority. They eschew the 10 commandments as suggestions and consider religion to be the “opiate of the masses”.
Eventually however they will grow up, get drunk and fall off their high horses. Or they will continue to send us all to hell in a hand basket.
Yeah but . . .
What if the conservatives were lying on the poll? That would really mess things up. I mean libs are dumb enough to answer the questions truthfully. Conservatives are smart enough not to.
I dunno . . .
Don’t worry Skeptic, nothing will get messed up, because the liberals with poor reading skills will be the first to go…
Wow Eros (#10 above).
Way to prove that conservatives have no clue about population sizes, and/or can’t do math.
Liberals are lying hypocritical trash.
Nuff said