Archive of entries posted on 16th June 2008

Obama Backs Off On “We Bring A Gun” Comment

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Obama – Ready on day one… for a knife fight.

PHILADELPHIA (AP) – After vowing to put up a tough fight in the general election campaign this fall by saying “if they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun“, presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama apologized to the American people for suggesting that guns might be useful in securing a victory during personal combat against a lesser-armed – yet still life-threatening – mortal enemy.
“First of all,” clarified Obama, “I’m getting old. And I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours. Still, that’s no excuse to praise such a dangerous weapon. Naturally, I only meant such praise metaphorically, and any metaphorical gun I used would have a metaphorical trigger-lock and require a metaphorical background check and mandatory metaphorical 3-day waiting period.”
“In the non-metaphorical sense,” the senator continued. “I would never use a gun against someone armed with a knife. After all, maybe he’s just taking that knife to a pawn shop so that he can sell it for gas money. Or maybe he needs it to do surgery on himself because he can’t afford decent health care. I would never seek to use a firearm against an innocent victim of 7 years of disastrous Bush-McCain policies.”
“What I would do,” concluded Obama, “is agree to negotiations without preconditions so that I can continue to unite America through the hope of change. Unless, of course, the person with the knife were spreading rumors about Michelle’s Whitey-hating, in which case I would absolutely bust a cap in his ass.”

Fighting the Smears, IMAO-Style

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As is quite obvious, I don’t really follow the news. I did catch Harvey’s post the other day, though, about how there is information out there that Obama says is not true… to the point that he had to start this Fight the Smears website. Have you ever heard of something like that? I mean, smears about a political candidate? Holy crap! When I heard that, I was like, “We must put an end to this! To the Frank-mobile!” We’re not just talking two or three smears either. If you look at the site, there’s like four or five of them.
I know! People are smearing someone running for office! My world is turned upside down! Why would people do this? Is it because Barack is Hispanic or something?
Now, I may not be Obama’s biggest political supporter, but I am not going to let politics become some big cesspool. So here are some even more smears I’ve found and refuted:
MORE OBAMA SMEARS
LIE: Barack Obama once went on a killing spree through all 57 states.
TRUTH: There aren’t actually 57 states. He misspoke.
LIE: Barack Obama has no penis.
TRUTH: Barack Obama is a hermaphrodite.
LIE: The only thing Barack Obama loves more than America is jihad.
TRUTH: Barack Obama loves many things more than America.
LIE: Michelle Obama hates whitey.
TRUTH: Michelle Obama hates the Jews.
LIE: You have to be retarded to think Barack Obama is a good candidate for president.
TRUTH: You could also just hate America and wish it ill will.
LIE: Barack Obama was originally raised as a Muslim.
TRUTH: Barack Obama converted from Wiccan to Islam in his teens.
LIE: Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein.
TRUTH: It’s actually a swearword unfit for print. Directed at your mom.
LIE: Barack Obama wants to seize your guns.
TRUTH: He has no interest in your guns. After you’re imprisoned for owning firearms, he’ll let the police do as they may with them.
LIE: Barack Obama loves Che Guevara.
TRUTH: That brief fling they had was lust, not love.
LIE: Barack Obama has a long record of being a liberal.
TRUTH: Barack Obama doesn’t have a long record of doing anything. Name one liberal thing he’s done. Name anything he’s done. Come on; I dare you.
LIE: Barack Obama was banned by the state of Illinois from owning a dog because when he previously owned a puppy and got angry at it for barking too much, he raped it.
TRUTH: There was mutual consent.
LIE: Barack Obama’s brain is the size of a walnut.
TRUTH: It’s the size of a walnut shell, to be clear.
LIE: Barack Obama is planning to kill the pope.
TRUTH: Liars! There is no way anyone could have found out about his plan!
LIE: Barack Obama sold out Israel to Iran in exchange for a bag of magic beans.
TRUTH: The beans aren’t really magic.
LIE: Barack Obama knows to bring a gun to a knife fight.
TRUTH: If a fight breaks out, the only thing you’ll find on him his urine-soaked pants.
LIE: Barack Obama couldn’t find his ass with two hands and a flashlight.
TRUTH: He’s found it before and he’ll find it again.
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