Barack hired himself some nerds (“A crack team of cybernauts“) to help him squelch internet rumors. Their job is to “respond immediately to any inaccurate information about him”.
I’d hate to see these guys go back to coding web pages in exchange for Red Bull & Doritos, so here are some rumors for them to squelch:
 |
Obama sometimes posts at IMAO as “Aquaman”.
Obama is NOT a Muslim – he is a member of the Thuggee cult, a worshipper of Kali (Hindu goddess of death and destruction), and a devoted follower of Mola Ram. He once tried to rip the beating heart out of an American archaeologist. Obama recently left the cult and denounced Mola Ram – some say for purely political reasons.
A WHOIS search shows that Obama owns www.hotnaughtygrannies.com
Obama has six fingers on his right hand and is being stalked by a Spaniard.
Barack IS the spoon.
Nostradamus predicted “the dark man of hope and change will rule the New World for 1000 days before the Mad Persian burns his land with the fire of the sun. Serious negotiations to follow.”
Obama never tips white cab drivers.
Closet cigarette smoker. Inhales frequently.
Thinks about sex to prolong his ability to play baseball.
Last Father’s Day, told his daughters that the tie they gave him was “ugly and stupid. Just like you two!”.
Owns all six seasons of “Sex and the City” on DVD. Dressed as “Samantha” for the movie premier.
Led the crusade to get Firefly canceled.
What have YOU heard about the Obamanator?
Man, I can’t believe this idiot is actually running for president. We really have fallen when one of the candidates has about as much qualification as my dog.
Frank, you dedication to fighting unemployment is to be commended. I am also impressed that you knew what the Thuggee Cult was. I never realized that brother Obama was a fellow member. It explains why he is so passionately against the missile defense system, and wants to let foreign dictators get nuclear weapons. After the world is destroyed Kali shall reign supreme for all eternity.
Sorry Harvey,
Didn’t mean to call you Frank. Since you two are the same person anyways, no harm done.
Obama is actually Karl Rove in blackface.
It’s all an evil Republican conspiracy against Hillary.
Obama really, really likes waffles.
Even though he owns a Prius, he’s scared to death to drive the thing in traffic and instead gets around in a Mack truck.
Barack Obama has said he will no longer allow buckets in his house since that embarassing incident last week when one got stuck on his head. (seriously, I think FrankJ hit a grand slam with that one)
Owns a T-Shirt that says, “Nuke The Moon”.
Lost $50,000 betting on the Patriots against the Giants.
Lost another $50,000 betting on Big Brown to win the Belmont Stakes.
Has never passed level 1 of PacMan.
BHO has three testicles, but they are no bigger than raisins.
His head is filled with creamy nougat.
He did eight pushups once, to impress his baby mama. She knocked out sixty, much to his chagrin.
His feet smell like a peat bog in the Scottish highlands.
So wait, he hired people, and IS PAYING THEM MONEY to sit around and say “no he didn’t” every time someone says he did something bad?
please please please keep this nutbag as far away from my money as possible.
The only dance he knows is that Cossack “squatting down” one. He’s good at that.
Anyone who criticizes Borack Obamadinijad, suggests that he’s not qualified to be president, or questions anything he ever said or did is a racist.
He actually has a membership at Rush 24/7
Wants higher gas prices… oh wait, that one’s true…
The real reason for the friction between Obama and the Clintons is the fact that his family jewels are so tiny, they easily slipped out of Hillary’s Testical Lock Box. She’s pissed that she’s been defied, Bill is just jealous.
No! He really had Firefly canceled?!!! I’m gonna write a Chain letter about that and Email it to everyone.
Of all the low down dirty things to do… I can’t beilive that guy.
Obama imported dirt from the New Orleans levies for the foundation of his mansion.
While in school Obama wrote an AI for computer class. He named it GLADOSS.
Obama doesn’t see a problem with land wars in Asia.
Val Kilmer once broke into Obama’s house to give him the secrets of cold fusion.
Obama’s science advisor, Dr. Wiley, wants to build nine robots to supervise various parts of the environment.
Obama can guide a missile by satilite.
Obama used bioweapons when he liberated Okinawa from the martians during the war of the worlds.
Obama was created by Doctor Mindbender from the DNA of the worlds greatest socialists, plus Sgt. Slaughter. Slaugter’s DNA makes him want to wear spandex.
AlaskaNick, I have proof from the Illuminati tha Obama also had a hand in getting Futurama cancelled, too…
When Obama was in law school, he was bitten by a radioactive spider. Although this did not did give him any super-powers it did cause permanent and severe brain damage.
Has taken money from the Bucket Lobby (“Big Bucket”)
Middle name is really George.
During lovemaking, Michelle calls him Whitey.
Is secretly a Mormon.
The real reason for the Birth Certificate subterfuge? It’s not that he’s trying to hide his name or nationality from Republicans; he’s trying to keep the lefties from finding out he’s actually a jooo.
He was the one who sold cocaine to John Belushi, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman’s wife (Andy Dick was just trying to cover for him), and Len Bias.
I’m John McCain and I see that my orders that this Blog cease and desist have gone un-heeded! That’s ok because once I’m POTUS I will send in my jack booted thugs to arrest and detain every one of you pricks (starting with that homo Jimmy) who has ever posted on this site! I am sick and tired of reading negative posts about my good friend Barack Obama whom I have crossed the isle on many occasions on behalf of the American people to get things done. We may be of different parties but we agree on many issues including; Global Warming is a real threat, Big Oil is EVIL, Obscene Profits by large Corporations are Evil (except Beer Distributors), We Shall Not Drill any more Oil Wells in the US, Open Borders are Good, and Big Government has all the answers…
Tell you what, that candidate, John McCant can kiss my big candy caboose!! He’s crossed the aisle so many times he’s worn holes in the Senate floor carpet! Hell, they play Larry Craig’s favorite tapping music for him every time he gets up out of his chair! Just for once, I wish he’d stay on this side of the aisle and pay attention to Republican issues. Real Republicans think ‘global warming’ is an Al Gore fart, oil is great for pumping, profits are wonderful (as is wealth), borders should be closed and the government should be small like… Barack Obama’s family woodpecker.
Enjoys whistling Wayne Newton tunes.
Was the tall alien in Close Encounters.
Keeps telling Soros not to “touch him there”.
Wants to create a “white” tax.
Wants Dennis Kucinich to be his V.P.
Thinks mother nature is racist whenever it snows.
Idolizes the policies of Vladimir Lenin.
Wants to paint the white house black.
THAT DOES IT!!!
I was considering voting for him just to show McLameass how I feel about his “conservatism” but now Ill just not vote at all.
Sheeesh, Firefly? what a dick!
Obama and Jay Leno got their chin implants from the same plastic surgeon!
Marvin – I consider it a compliment to be confused with Frank, and it’s a common mistake. Meanwhile, here’s how to tell the difference between us:
http://www.imao.us/archives/003045.html
Likes to wear brightly colored pants suits.
Has a spouse who is a serial adulterer.
Had Vince Foster shot.
Tried to deny legal representation to Richard Nixon during his impeachment ordeal.
Well known for being a former (first) lady.
Whoops, wrong candidate
Global Warming? All the result of a late night trip he made to a Taco Bell drive-thru after getting high, circa 1979.
Obama was once a member of PLO, or was it the PTO?
Obama is in favor of higher gas prices.
Obama secretly funds the creation of new boy bands.
Obama would be a vegan, if he could just give up his never ending craving for baby flesh.
Obama has secretly accepted money from both the Illuminati and the Zionest Council of Elders. They paid him for his service in ridding the air waves of such shows as Arrested Development, Fire Fly, Futurama, and anything with the words star or trek in in the title.
Obama is planning on canceling Battle Star Galactica next, and he plans to do so before the next show.
Obama repeatedly tried to vote for William Hung on American Idol.
Seriously considered “She Bangs” as campaign theme song.
Instead of “A crack team of cybernauts”, hired cybernauts on crack.
Can’t recall any of the nasty things his closest friends have said or done because of frequent blackouts caused by his compulsive consumption of white russians (and booze too).