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“Chi-something, you there?”
“I am here, Doug.” Came a voice from his cell’s toilet. “It’s Chimezie.”
“Chimezie.” Doug tried to repeat.
“Close enough.”
“I was talking with some woman through here earlier… but she didn’t seem to speak English. She was crying. I don’t think she understood me.”
“I’m sure you helped her just by talking to her,” Chimezie said. “They seem to have mainly taken immigrants — people who will not be noticed to be missing. I came here from Africa.”
“I thought that place was all dead.”
“Not all of it.” Chimezie paused for a moment. “Things are very bad there, but the Transcendents — the Demons — had no interest in it. Still, I came here looking to be part of the civilized world. All I found was evil, though.” He was silent again. “I should never have left my home.”
“No. Someone has got to stop this, and it might as well be us. I got good news on that. I…” Doug thought a moment how best to express things. “Um… I like saw into another realm when Ronove tried to destroy my soul. I could see it wasn’t working, and I saw him and he’s like nothing… at least wherever I was I was the more powerful one. And I saw the barrier linked to the cube. Even he was intimidated by it. If we could somehow trap them behind it, we’d be free of them for good.”
“How would we do that?”
Doug thought for a while. “I guess I don’t know. Still, it seems like progress.”
“Yes it does. It is what I pray for. Most here are losing faith, though. Ronove’s experiments are hard on many. He seems to be trying to study how things in this world can affect the soul such as trauma or physically affecting the brain.” His voice trailed off for a moment. “We all live through it, though.”
Doug got the message. None of this should go on even a day longer. “I don’t know what to do, Chimezie. I saw outside, and I don’t even know how my friends will get here. I guess we really have to work on our own plan… except I’m not really good at that sort of thing.”
“We must have faith in God. All things are possible through Him.”
Doug wondered how long Chimezie had been here asking God to help him, but didn’t want to burst the guy’s bubble. “I want to believe in stuff like that, but I remember how as a kid I believed in Santa Claus, but I still never got any presents.”
“God is real, Doug.”
“Then He better do something about all this soon. There’s a lot of crap in this world, and if He really has the power, then He should take care of it.”
“We must take action,” Chimezie said. “And when we have faith, God will help us.”
Stuck in a small dark cell, Doug wasn’t really sure of any action he could take. He knew there was something he could do — he saw it — but he had no idea how. And he had no idea how to figure out how to do it either.
“Do you want me to tell you about Jesus, Doug?”
“Not really.” He really didn’t want to clutter his head with any other hard to grasp concepts. “He fought evil, right?”
“Yes, and He cast out demons.”
“Okay, you can go ahead and tell me about him… but first get away from the toilet for a sec and stop listening.”
“Why?”
“I have to pee.”
NEXT
Archive of entries posted on 30th June 2008
A Story, Bit by Bit
Top Ten Controversial Supreme Court Decisions
There have been a number of controversial Supreme Court decisions this year other than Heller. Here they are in properly numbered order.
TOP TEN CONTROVERSIAL SUPREME COURT DECISIONS
10. The 1st Amendment does not protect your right to talk like a pirate.
9. Godfather III is actually a pretty good movie if you take it on its own merits and don’t compare it to the previous two.
8. It’s completely Constitutional for a Justice to hit whomever he wants with his gavel, so watch your mouth.
7. If a cyborg cop punches into your chest and rips out your heart, it’s not an illegal search and seizure as long as he shows it to you while it’s still beating.
6. There’s nothing in the Constitution that would imply a restriction on setting hobos on fire.
5. Though we know it when we see it, that doesn’t mean that when we know it we’re done seeing it.
4. Execution by pit of doom is permissible because, while it may be cruel, it’s certainly not all that unusual.
3. You have to pay us more. It says that somewhere in the 14th.
2. It violates the 1st Amendment to compel people to rephrase answers in the form of a question.
And the number one controversial Supreme Court decision this year…
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Controversial Supreme Court Decisions’ »
WEsistance Challenge: Operation Helpful Idiot
I’ve been contacted by the WEtards, and they’ve asked for an address to ship the shirt to.
No mention of WEleadership, so I assume that’s now off the table. I’ll accept this as my failure for not making sure I had 50 names submitted in time.
Anyway, here’s the long-promised Stage 2, which I call
OPERATION HELPFUL IDIOT
The Premise: WE doesn’t just want numbers, they want participants. So I’m encouraging the people who signed up as WEtards (“I’s of the WEsistance”) to go to the WE contact page and leave a “helpful” suggestion for solving the climate crisis.
Suggested format:
1) Brief, enthusiastic gushing about the greatness of WE
2) Your brilliant idea for putting a stop to global warming, preferrably to be forced on America by the US government. This idea should be dumb and impractical, but not theoretically impossible (a suggestion like “Superman should eat the sun like an apple until its smaller size offsets global warming” is obviously fake. The goal here is more “fake but accurate”). Try to keep it under 200 words so that people will be more likely to pass it around to their friends in an e-mail.
3) Sign off with some cliche lefty slogan and your hippie alias.
Oh, and don’t be afraid to leave in a few typos and misspellings, just for flavor.
Sample letter:
Dear WE,
I’m so proud to be part of an organization that actually CARES about the EARTH and the FUTURE of our CHILDRN!
I think you’re doing a great job, but WE (I LOVE THAT NAME!) can do more. I’ve heard that cow burping cause’s a lot of greenhouse gas. I think farmers should be forced to put muzzles on all their cows. Like surgical masks, except they should be treated with a chemical that absorbs all that CO2. If you’re putting together a list for Congress, please include mine. Thx.
VOTE NADER ’08!
Summer Sunshine Rainbow Rabinowitz
Now, you don’t HAVE to be a member of WE to participate in Operation Helpful Idiot, but if you ARE signed up, it puts pressure on them to take you seriously, and there’s nothing more pathetically funny than a conflicted liberal.
After you leave your suggestion with WE, send a copy of it to me at wesistance@gmail.com. If I find your “helpful suggestion” to be brief, subtle, and at least moderately amusing, I’ll post it at IMAO so that others may enjoy it also.
