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PHILADELPHIA (AP) – After vowing to put up a tough fight in the general election campaign this fall by saying “if they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun“, presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama apologized to the American people for suggesting that guns might be useful in securing a victory during personal combat against a lesser-armed – yet still life-threatening – mortal enemy.
“First of all,” clarified Obama, “I’m getting old. And I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours. Still, that’s no excuse to praise such a dangerous weapon. Naturally, I only meant such praise metaphorically, and any metaphorical gun I used would have a metaphorical trigger-lock and require a metaphorical background check and mandatory metaphorical 3-day waiting period.”
“In the non-metaphorical sense,” the senator continued. “I would never use a gun against someone armed with a knife. After all, maybe he’s just taking that knife to a pawn shop so that he can sell it for gas money. Or maybe he needs it to do surgery on himself because he can’t afford decent health care. I would never seek to use a firearm against an innocent victim of 7 years of disastrous Bush-McCain policies.”
“What I would do,” concluded Obama, “is agree to negotiations without preconditions so that I can continue to unite America through the hope of change. Unless, of course, the person with the knife were spreading rumors about Michelle’s Whitey-hating, in which case I would absolutely bust a cap in his ass.”
Actually, bringing a gun to a knife fight sounds like exactly the sort of thing a real liberal would do – as long he was absolutely sure that he was the only one with a gun. However, were his opponent equally armed and likely to hurt him, he’d simply declare himself defeated, wet himself, and make nice by offering anything that he was able to offer (or obtain from someone without a gun).
Of course under his own interpretation of the second amendment, we are all free to bring any sporting goods we want to a gunfight.
Yeah, but what kind of gun could Obama handle? “Owwweee! Michelle, that recoil HURTS!!!”
P.S. Anybody else get hate mail from Laurence?
And since he’s from IL, add on a month to 6 week waiting period for that FOID (Firearm Owners ID) application to clear before he can shop for that gun.
#3 – you’re forgetting. St. Obama is exempt from law.
Right. So he can own a gun and carry it to a knife fight, but you can’t.
Just like rosie o’bummer.
LMAO, he always blames his ignorant comments on “lack of sleep.” He also made a racist joke on Jimmy Kimmel about Asians being short. He’s a major jerk.
I haven’t heard anything about him apologizing yet, but I think Harvey is once again ahead of the MSM. I expect a full apology, blamed on lack of sleep in the next forty eight hours, and I predict it will sound a lot like this. Harvey is faking the news, as much as he is probably predicting it.
Hey, I just noticed the little Heston in the background. Nice touch.
gosh i must have been tired too,took a while to realise the spoof as i had never visited this site before, i remember bills big lie with his ducking hunting pic in all the news papers,won,t make that mistake again. rosie and b hussein obama don,t carry a gun anywhere ,their security guards do!!!!!
Pity. I wanted him to bitterly cling to his gun metaphor.
hmmmm…”Lack of sleep”?
I wonder if he’s so tired because he keeps getting those pesky 3 am phone calls. If he thinks not getting enough sleep due to campaigning is hard, he’s in for quite a shock if he ever has to actually run a country.
Imagine a sleep-deprived Obama blaming his failure at unconditional negotiations with Ahmadinijad or Kim Jung Il on “lack of sleep”…or snapping at the Israeli Prime Minster because he “REALLY needed a cigarette”. It’s almost as much of a joke as electing someone who “can’t recall” any details of a land deal she put together or staffers she fired.
I think I have a new campaign slogan – actually I didn’t come up with it – a brilliant ad executive for Wendy’s Hamburgers did 20 years ago.
Hey Obama – WHERE’S THE CHANGE?
innominatus – wish I could take credit for that, but it wasn’t my doing. Thank The People’s Cube (scroll down a bit):
http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1875
At least SOMEBODY has a sense of humor, god damn.
It just shows how human he is.
Surely you do not believe that he really said he would bust a cap. That is a lie folks.
Second of all JFK was a Liberal and therefore he is in Good Company. Even Jesus himself would have been identified as a liberal.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL,
Manny
What a nut. A Gun?
Is this MTV? Gangstas…
Where are the pimps and ho’s?
Has anyone else noticed Obama is speaking into the ear piece? Great touch. Says a lot. Can I steal it?
I love how all the Obama trolls are confused about this being site being satire. If these are the smart computer geeks that work for Obama, imagine how dumb the rest must be.
Sorry about the bad grammar. Unlike trolls, I work for a living, and spent the last twenty five hours awake.
Am I the only one who noticed the classic liberal pattern here?
Talk like a cowboy to your fellow citizens, and allies, threaten them, etc. But the coddle dictators. If Bush said, “if Iran brings a knife, we’ll bring a gun” Obama would p— and moan about how uncivil he was being, but if you are talking about republicans? Kill the sonofabitches.
What is wrong with these people?
Surely he knows some one in Chicago who could lend him a piece.
His land dealing, on trial hustler buddy or his bomb setting, got off on a technicality buddy?
Maybe he’s got a few antique IED’s he never got around to setting off?
You know how it is, sentimental value, you never know when you might need it for a rainy day or a friend might need to borrow it, so you put it on a shelf and it gathers dust for the next 30 years.
Then one day the grandchildren are poking around and, “Hey Grandpa! Look at me! I’m a revolutionary! Yeah! Power to the pe…”.
Manny, I do not think that you can speak for Jesus.
The liberal that Kennedy was and todays bed wetting wimps called liberals are a world apart.
2nd post, The supreme court recently held that the 2nd amendment was still good. I don’t believe that the clown Obama will ever get enough support to overturn it. What if he tried it by executive order or by declaring martial law? I’m mostly interested in comments from other conservatives on this.