WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Barack Obama on Sunday said as president he would strengthen government oversight of energy traders he blames in large part for the skyrocketing price of oil.
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“Some people blame low oil supplies or high oil demand for the recent spike in gasoline prices,” said the presidential hopeful, “but these are just outdated economic theories. The real cause is speculative trading in the oil futures market. Trading by unscrupulous, unpatriotic profit-mongers. My administration will put a stop to this by making it illegal to sell oil futures for more than was paid for them. Without the market distortion caused by the so-called ‘profit-motive’, our energy market – under the prudent and level-headed guidance of the federal government – will once again become both free and fair.”
Obama said that he intended to implement his “No New Profits” pledge within his administration’s first 100 days, promising to expand his economy-saving plan to other markets as his tenure progressed. “Although I’ve long stood against the ‘excessive’ profits made by oil companies,” said Obama, “the fact is that ALL profits are inherently excessive. That’s why I vow to extend this program to other markets as well. Food, precious metals, stocks, bonds – all will eventually be both bought and sold ‘at cost’. With all price fluctuations banned by the force of law, America will finally have a stable, sustainable, plannable future, unmarred by the evils of fear or uncertainty.”
The Democratic contender, however, reassured his audience that this new stability would not interfere with the creation and implementation of new government programs. “Some of my critics contend that without profits, we would be unable to collect the new taxes necessary to implement important new government programs like Universal Health Care, but we will find a way to make the wealthy pay their fair share. They’ll just have to sell off their mansions and limousines.”
“At cost, of course,” he concluded.
Who is John Galt?
Actually it is the new 5 year plan – not 100 days.
I just ordered a “Who is John Galt” t-shirt…and at $25, I’m sure it wasn’t “at cost”.
When The Obamination starts banning books under the “fairness doctrine” I’m sure it’ll be one of the first to go.
Sadly too close to the truth to be funny!
OK, I’m going to get offensive here, so I apologize in advance & remember- it’s merely a joke from a typical white person
Obama- “Read my lips: No New Profits for American enterprise of any sort under my new plan to balance the budget, reduce fuel costs across the board, create more streamlined government programs for the disenfranchised classes & immigrants, and universal health care for all. No, really; read my lips- there was room enough to have it tattooed on there.”
Sadly, I have a union indoctrinated brother who almost has a coronary whenever he hears the word profits, and would vote for him if this were true. I always tell him wages should also be value neutral -he never gets wise!
Alan – You mocked a political candidate’s physical features! Dirty racist! I’ll bet you voted for that chimp-eared Texan in the last election, didn’t you?
Alan – I thought Obama was only half black.
wow…did I just actually post that?
No Margin, no motive. Might as well stay home. Or invest overseas.
I’m hardly an objectivist, but I suspect it will become very popular if the Obamanation gets his ham-handed mits on the presidency. Ann Rand’s most paranoid fantasy come true, with her predicted results.
You know, most people who think this way are nuts. Absolutely certifiable. On medication, medical supervision, and just plain crazy. However, we are assured that Barack Obama is sane. So, in order to give him the “gravitas” he so lacks and to avoid confusion or people thinking the contrary, maybe we should call him Barack “Who’s sane” Obama.
I wish this were even dimly funny. I”m sorry to say its far too accurate to be funny (though I am not speaking derisively, just bitterly). Did anyone see the poll where ONLY a slim majority (52-53%, if memory serves) were against nationalizing the industry? That, to me, is the scary part. If it were the ravings of one spoiled socialist, we would be in no danger. But the epicenter of this country has shifted so far, and jealousy/hatred of wealth or ability has so embittered this country, that many people actually believe it is evil for some people to make more than others, or that there exists such a thing as natural merit. Ironically, I am looking to get a job overseas teaching, so I am not myself at the top of the food chain, but I respect those who ARE. I fear this country’s traditional love of a “mobile/flexible inequality”, or that is to say meritocracy, is fast changing. I miss the 80’s. Sorry, this was way more maudlin and dramatic than I intended, its just very sobering. Truly sad, considering I am not quite 25 and can see the shift as being palpable. Whats ironic is that based on my tax bracket and present socio-economic status, I would have a lot “gain” (heavy sarcasm quotes) by his social programs……until such time as I began to succeed on my own merits, at which point I would be the next to be cannibalized for the “greater good” (a phrase I despise, for it always implies coercion and doesn’t really exist). Godspeed to the Hank Reardens of the world……with men like Obama and women like Maxine Waters in power, they will need all our strength. End of rant.
Loki – speaking from experience, I can give you this condolence. Considering what the public schools are cranking out these days, all you have to do to succeed wildly at your job is show up when you’re scheduled, arrive on time, and don’t leave early.
Considering how few people actually DO the jobs they were hired for, simply being reliable puts you ahead of 95% of other people.