Fun in the Car

A couple drove 100 miles in South Africa with a spitting cobra in the car. That’s nothing. Ever try driving with a cat in the car? I did that from Florida to Idaho. The thing kept jumping on me on making a weird monkey squeak like it wanted something, and I was like, “You have two options: You either sit down and shut up or I pull over and let you free into the wild — and frankly, Nermal, you ain’t gonna make it out there.”

Of course, there was a dog in there too. And every once in a while the cat would take a break from pestering me to remember it hated the dog. She’d hiss and swat at the dog, and the dog would stare back in confusion like, “I don’t know what hiss means! Does that mean you want to play with me or that you’re angry at me! I don’t know what that means! Something explain a hiss to me!” And I’m like, “You two either fight to the death or shut up! I’m sick of you!” I’m guessing a cobra probably would have just curled up and left me alone most of trip.

31 Comments

  1. You guys are talking about driving to the store with kids? My folks used to drive from Colorado to California (and back) for vacation with two small kids in the backseat. “Mother! She crossed the line into my space! Make her stop!” (My mean evil older sister kept moving the line, too).

    Now *they* deserve honorary knighthood!

  2. When I was teaching I had to take three kids to Florida for a week in June to a student conference. One of the kids, a boy in junior high, informed me early in the trip that he didn’t brush his teeth, use deodorant, or bathe daily during the summer. We fixed that quick, fast, and in a hurry.

  3. When a cat hisses it is simply saying to you one of two things. 1)I think you look like a homosexual and if you get any closer I’m going to protect my backside with these scratchy things that I keep real sharp or 2) I think you look like a retard and I’m hissing to show my contempt for you as a lower life creature. Either is a cats way of telling you to get bent!

  4. freemonsandlewould: cats work great to rid the area of coyotes. instructions:1- drive stake into ground 100 to 200 yards away from your back porch , 2- tie one end of a 24 inch wire to the stake , 3 Atach cat to other end of wire , 4 wait on porch for oportunity to send high speed lead at coyote! If the coyote gets the cat (or if you are a bad shot) get the local paper, people are always giving coyote bait away for free.

  5. 7 dogs and a steamer trunk full of firearms, ammo and gun powder (I didn’t trust the movers) in a 2 door, 130,000+ mile Chevy Blazer, Seattle to Michigan to Tennessee with a chain-smoker riding shotgun. Good times!

  6. I’d just like to say that I have really enjoyed driving automobiles, even with animals in them. I don’t expect to be allowed to do that much longer, and I’m really going to miss it.

    The house and land were nice, too, but there was just something great about a car. You know, we really had it good before this happened. I liked it.

  7. You know, they give Nobel Peace prizes for lame ass reasons. Jimmy Carter? Are you kidding me? Give a Nobel to that guy who had to take the 3 Jr Highers to Florida in June dude, no contest.

  8. ToyLady,

    I’m sure one good, quick, forceful mashing of the Clutch Pedal would remedy that situation really quickly. Either by teaching little Heathcliff to stay the hell away from the pedals, or snapping it’s neck like a chicken bone.

    Either way, it probably won’t do that again.

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