Scientists have declared mammals the winners of evolution and reptiles the losers. Though there is some bias there (most scientists are mammals), it seems like a fair ruling. I always knew we would win. When mammals first came on the scene, everyone was like, “Look at those stupid rats. They’ll be crushed by mighty dinosaurs.” But I was like, “Hey, I wouldn’t underestimate them.” And then the mammals murdered all the dinosaurs and took over. It’s not really clear how, but the fossil record suggests space lasers.
So, can reptiles ever make a comeback? I doubt it. They’re old and stupid and no one ever really liked them. Who I’m worried about is that dark horse team: the amphibians. No one ever thought much of them with how they live on land but have to lay eggs in water — that really limits their habitat — but maybe they’ll surprise us one day. If you see frogs around — like too many frogs — get worried. And if you see a hellbender, head for the hills (amphibians don’t like hills because they’re too far from water).
Roaches will take over starting at the white house…oh wait they already have
Since mammals’ most defining characteristics are mammary glands and hair, do bald men still qualify?
If the bald men also have man-boobs, then yes.
Can we help the dinosaurs never discovered rocket launchers? Hell, we’re trying to bring ’em back just to mount monkeys and rocket launchers on ’em. Ungrateful lizard bastards.
I’m in!
Don’t write off the reptiles just yet. For example Burmese pythons have just about completely taken over the swamps of Florida. Cane toads are about to overrun Australia and Washington DC has more then it’s fair share of snakes in the grass.
Amphibians huh? Makes me wonder if Aquaman is their Manchurian Candidate?
my money is on duckbilled platypus’s or is it platypi? anyways, their bastards!
Amphibians? I’m more worried about the Cehphalopod’s…. They spend a suspicious amount of time underwater, they must be up to something!
Meanwhile, no one’s paying any attention to the arachnids. Ever see “Eight Legged Freaks”?
What about bactiera. They were here before us and will be here after us. The swine flu seems to be the latest inseveral attack. SARS, Messles, Rubella, The Spanish inqusition, The black plague, All brougt on by the Bactiera.
I suspect Hannibal Lecter is a Highly-evolved Amphibian. He gets to eat what bugs him.>>> When the Lizard People of Planet X come out of hibernation due to Global Warming, we’ll see who the winners are. They’ve already perfected cloning of dinosaurs, and have the missile launchers on the mother ship.
Wow, a history of the past few billion years in a mere two paragraphs. Awesome.
Plus, a HUGE congratulations by being personally called out by name on DailyKos! My chest swells with pride on your behalf.
#12 That is just insane crazy talk. Everyone knows global warming is a hoax. Only a crazy person would even bring it up.
John
Frank J was called out by name? I need a link, so that I can update my “Frank J…Beowulf was my bitch” epic poem.
Indeed, the amphibians are not to be overlooked – for if one looks closely, one can see Pelosi’s gill slits.
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Or maybe it’s just flab that’s immune to botox. Best not to take chances, though.
Rocks. Watch out for rocks. They’ve been quiet as the grave for years. Too strange.
Boy, when the democrats tear out of their human suits to reveal that they’re really giant lizards, I know one blogger that’s going to feel just a little bit silly.
penguins are the true threat! BEWARE OF PENGUINS
Clowns! Nobody has ever explained clowns to me! I don’t know where they came from and all I know is that they are bad! Very very bad! Clowns need to be watched closely! I don’t like them!
Frogs are not a threat. In fact, they are exploding all over the place. I bring you: Sploddy Toads!
The first species to reach Alpha Centauri wins.
I for one welcome our reptilian overlords. After all, aren’t they the ones we were going to retro-fit with artillery and put into service for the DCAS?