I don’t think ending missile defense will be a winner for Obama. One of things Americans like most is not being nuked.
Frankly I hope there’s a baby hell that racist babies go to.
Reading a weekly magazine for news these days is only a step up from reading cave paintings.
With Obama ending missile defense, we should all learn from Indiana Jones and get lead-lined fridges.
We should counter baby Hitler with a baby that looks like Churchill. Wait, that’s every baby.
So after being told over & over again that Iran is completely harmless, it turns out that they’ll be hitting us with nukes as soon as they stockpile enough Mentos & Diet Coke to fuel their rockets.
I’ve never been a conspiracy theorist… well, ok, yeah, I joined the Round-Earthers back in college, but it was just to get into Brenda Dunwitty’s pants, so that doesn’t really count.
The point is – what other shocking discoveries am I in for this year?
I speculate wildly thus:
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* Michelle Obama was actually BORN a woman.
* As was Frank J.
* Not so, Nancy Pelosi
* The Swedish Chef found religion after the Muppet Show ended.
* Moon landing fake.
* Shamwow real.
* David Hasselhoff – vegetarian
* Harry Reid – not just his name, but also his wife’s nickname for his equipment.
* Barack Obama – Sith apprentice
* Michael Moore is just Rush Limbaugh in a fat suit. Have you EVER seen them together?
What’s YOUR nightmare scenario of a shocking revelation?
Apparently the September 11 Memorial and Museum wants to display a memorial to the 19 hijackers, but obviously some people have a problem with that. Can’t we just compromise and have 19 memorial urinals or something?
Thomas Frank shows us why liberals should never frankly state what they believe because it is bleeping scary. Apparently, what we call liberty is actually horrible because it doesn’t allow a “freedom from want” that only government can provide. If only the South picked up on that argument during the Civil War.
“We’re not enslaving black people; we’re freeing them from want.”
Come to think of it, slavery has a lot of things to it liberals love. Slaves are guaranteed a job, shelter, and food, and all they need to do for it is surrender a few freedoms to someone who believes himself to be an intellectual superior. This leads to the scary thought that though liberals will tell you slavery is wrong, it’s only because they were told as a child repeatedly it was wrong but never fundamentally understood why it’s wrong. It sometimes seems like the only difference between slavery and liberals plan for America is the whip.
Or at least that’s currently a difference.
I know what you’re thinking: “Holy crap! That’s one racist looking baby! Frankly, he has the dead behind the eyes look of sociopath! I just want to shake him and shout, ‘Judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin!'”
One of the biggest fears of new parents is that their baby is racist. It’s the number one reason babies are abandoned in dumpsters. And there are a number of signs:
SIGNS YOUR BABY IS RACIST
* Will only drink white milk.
* Cries when you turn up the gangster rap.
* Doesn’t like Spike Lee movies.
* Has no interest in supporting Barack Obama’s health care reform.
If you identify your baby as a racist, make sure to quiet it anytime it tries to make noise as you don’t want to be influenced by its racist babble. Find some sort of lockable cage to put the baby in and isolate it from all other babies (an attic or basement works best). If the baby cries, just respond with a sharp, “Shut up, racist!”
Remember what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent racist babies… from setting stuff on fire… or something.”
Yes, he was drunk, but the wisdom still stands.
…I don’t talk about my government work. I certainly do have to be more creative in my explanations of things to get Obama on board, though.
Would it be considered a partisan stunt if I jumped twenty Democrats on a motorcycle?
There’s a very good reason conservative argue principle and liberals tend to promote specific policies. When liberals start to argue frankly what they actually believe, holy crap is that scary.
During the 2008 campaign, I always wondered what a community organizer was. Thanks to the ACORN videos, now I know!
Conservatism started in 2009 as a response to there being a black person as president.
What does Carter know about racism? He’s a dumb cracker.
Frankly, I’m tired of white people. I’m around them all the bleeping time. If you don’t know any white people, all they do is stand around and tell racist jokes. It gets old fast.
So is the message of Mad Men that in the early sixties no one had even basic common sense about anything?
Let’s keep harping on the MSM until they give up and finally criticize Obama and then let’s call them racist.
On this day in 1787, in Philadelphia, the greatest document written in the last several centuries was completed.
What began as a rewrite of the Articles of Confederation became the Constitution of the United States.
It’s a document that guarantees our liberties. It lays out the duties and responsibilities of the three branches of our federal government, and it establishes the relationship between the states. And, as amended, it establishes the rights guaranteed to the individuals on which the government may not infringe.
I am of the camp that feels that not enough people have read the Constitution — including many who have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution.
At the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention, delegate Benjamin Franklin (the dude on the $100 bill, for you on the left) was asked, “What have we got—a Republic or a Monarchy?”
To which Franklin replied, “A Republic, if you can keep it.”
Go read the Constitution. Then make it your mission to help us keep a republic.
I ain’t teh funneh. And I’m not looking to drag IMAO into anything. So over at my little blog, I tried to answer that question.
Our 39th president made the news again recently. Former president Jimmy Carter, already famous for having an unemployment rate almost as high as Barack Obama’s, blamed racism for opposition to Obama.
I’ve met Jimmy Carter. Sure, I’ve only met him twice, but that’s probably more than you’ve met him. I remember when he was governor of my state. I remember when he was president of my country — which many of you may not.
For what it’s worth, I do not think Jimmy Carter was lying.
Hold on there, conservatives. Hear me out…
I did not say Carter was right. I said he wasn’t lying. There’s a difference.
For instance, if Tweety Bird sees Sylvester and says “I tawt I taw a puddy tat,” he’d be wrong. Sylvester isn’t a “puddy” … he’s a “tom.” Tweety isn’t lying; he’s simply mistaken.
Tweety says “puddy tat” because that’s what he knows. And it’s the same with Jimmy Carter. He knows racism. His campaign used subtle racist tactics against former governor Carl Sanders in the 1970 gubernatorial race in Georgia.
So, I don’t think Carter is lying. He’s projecting.
Politically, there’s not a lot of difference between Carter and Obama. Because they are so close on the issues, I believe Carter truly supports Obama’s initiatives.
And…
That means that if Carter opposed Obama, it could only be for one reason: racism.
So, he thinks that conservatives oppose Obama because of racism. Like some guy named Frank J. Fleming said, liberals can’t imagine any other reason for opposing Obama.
One other thing: Obama and Carter aren’t completely alike. Obama will stand in front of the United States Congress and lie to America about his health care plan. I really don’t think Carter is a liar, though. He’s simply wrong.
Being wrong doesn’t make someone bad. Tweety Bird, for instance, was mistaken about the type of “tat” that Sylverster was.
Of course, Tweety Bird is a cartoon. Jimmy Carter is merely cartoonish.
*Your favorite conservative columnist made RWN’s list of the 30 Best Conservative Columnists for 2009 v. 3.0.
*Global warming is destroying the ozone layer!
*I leave you with shocking video. Jon Stewart is… making fun of the media? (via Hot Air)
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The Audacity of Hos | ||||
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I’m thinking that today a lot of people these days don’t know how to properly spot racists. “That’s easy!” some will say, “Just look for white people!” Incorrect! Racists come in all shapes and sizes (except for octagon and venti). Here is what to look for:
* Racists eyes are quite shifty, always darting about looking for things to be racist about.
* If asked a question, a racist will look up and to the left when thinking of a response since the left part of the brains is where racists thoughts come from.
* Racists are constantly drinking water as racism makes you easily dehydrated.
* Racists are scared of fire.
* Racists like shiny things and will often have a cache of them in their burrow.
* Racists often have leg cramps as they don’t get a proper amount of potassium.
* Racist will bite if angered.
If bitten by a racist, make sure to clean the wound thoroughly. Then subject yourself to people of other racists to see if you start to become angry — a sure sign you have now been infected with racism! If you show signs of racism, get to your doctor immediately.
Former president Jimmy Carter said Tuesday that he believes that outdated notions of honesty are at the core of much of the opposition to President Obama.
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“I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a con man, that he’s Deception American,” Carter told NBC in an interview.
Continued Carter: “That truthist inclination runs deep in flyover country… It’s an abominable circumstance, and it grieves me and concerns me very deeply.”
The 39th president also predicted that Obama will be able to “triumph over the factist attitude that is the basis for the negative environment that we see so vividly demonstrated in public affairs in recent days.”
Democrat Congressman Hank Johnson of Georgia said that if Joe Wilson’s blantant display of honestism hadn’t been condemned by the House, his destructive attitude would’ve covered the nation like a smallpox-infected blanket.
“I guess we’d probably have folks in Fox News vans riding through the countryside and intimidating people. That’s the logical conclusion if this kind of accuratist attitude is not rebuked.”
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, however, dismissed claims that Obama’s fabricationism was at the heart of the issue.
“I don’t think the president believes that people are upset because of the accuracy of his statments,” said Gibbs. “This country elected a smooth-talking, flim-flamming, hustling, scamming bunco-artist last November. Nobody cared about veracity then, and I don’t see why they should start now.”
