My silly sister the costume designer was recently working with Peter Petrelli from Heroes on Ultradome, where they battle characters against each other and somehow get around copyrights and stuff. Anyway, you can go check it out, as they have three episodes up: Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones vs Han Solo, and Hulk vs Wolverine.

I would like to see Superman vs Aquaman. You’d think it would be an easy fight as Superman would just make sure to stay clear of the water where Aquaman’s powers are greatest, but, ha!, Aquaman has a bat made of kryptonite and precedes to pummel Superman to death with it. Easy win. Batman would be harder, though… unless Aquaman brought a gun. Of course, Batman would knock it out of his hand with a batarang… and which point Aquaman would pull out his backup gun and shoot Batman with it. Another easy win. Don’t mess with Aquaman.

So Iran is continuing to make nuclear weapons and test rockets, and we’re… well, I don’t know what we’re doing to stop them. They recently launched a rocket into space with a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms inside. Who knows what that’s about? I sure don’t. There was probably just some kid in Iran with a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms and he was all proud of his pets but Ahmadinejad, being evil and stuff, was like, “I’m going to launch your pets into space! Muh ha ha ha!” And the kid was crying and stuff because once your pets are up in space, they’re like gone. And Ahmadinejad probably did his happy little dance he does whenever he sees the tears of a child.

It’s kind of a jig.

Anyway, the point isn’t that the rocket had a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms inside; it’s that it could be launched with other things inside. Like a puppy. Or a kitten. Or maybe a mouse, two turtles, and a can of beetles.

Or a nuclear payload.

Yeah, this is just another step towards Iran being a nuclear power and nuking stuff with their power. Obama should probably stop them, but that would require functional man parts. So I have another idea that maybe he’d be amenable to: Pamphlets. Let’s at least educate Iran on responsible nuke ownership. We can also give these to North Korea.

So here are some of the pamphlets we can make:

* The Key to Nuclear Weapons: Responsibility

* 5 Things You Should Consider Before Launching a Nuke

* Mutually Assured Destruction and You

* Signs Your Country Is Suicidal and What to Do About It

* 10 Reasons Not to Nuke the Jews

That just a few ideas. I think this will appeal to Obama as a solution because educating someone else makes him feel superior and he likes that. Plus, it’s not violent so all his douche friends in Europe will like it. So just give the word, Obama, and IMAO will get working on them.

And before you ask, yes, all the pamphlets we make will be rigged to explode.

The US Patent Office can’t accept faxes that are upside down. The used to when Einstein worked there because he knew how to rotate a document 180 degrees, but now he’s gone and apparently no one knows how to do that. I didn’t even know there was a right-side-up and upside-down to the fax machine; I just paid attention to making sure the printed side was facing the right way.

Anyway, this is the government that wants to run your health care. Luckily, if the death panel decides you need to die, they’ll probably screw that up too.