So Iran is continuing to make nuclear weapons and test rockets, and we’re… well, I don’t know what we’re doing to stop them. They recently launched a rocket into space with a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms inside. Who knows what that’s about? I sure don’t. There was probably just some kid in Iran with a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms and he was all proud of his pets but Ahmadinejad, being evil and stuff, was like, “I’m going to launch your pets into space! Muh ha ha ha!” And the kid was crying and stuff because once your pets are up in space, they’re like gone. And Ahmadinejad probably did his happy little dance he does whenever he sees the tears of a child.
It’s kind of a jig.
Anyway, the point isn’t that the rocket had a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms inside; it’s that it could be launched with other things inside. Like a puppy. Or a kitten. Or maybe a mouse, two turtles, and a can of beetles.
Or a nuclear payload.
Yeah, this is just another step towards Iran being a nuclear power and nuking stuff with their power. Obama should probably stop them, but that would require functional man parts. So I have another idea that maybe he’d be amenable to: Pamphlets. Let’s at least educate Iran on responsible nuke ownership. We can also give these to North Korea.
So here are some of the pamphlets we can make:
* The Key to Nuclear Weapons: Responsibility
* 5 Things You Should Consider Before Launching a Nuke
* Mutually Assured Destruction and You
* Signs Your Country Is Suicidal and What to Do About It
* 10 Reasons Not to Nuke the Jews
That just a few ideas. I think this will appeal to Obama as a solution because educating someone else makes him feel superior and he likes that. Plus, it’s not violent so all his douche friends in Europe will like it. So just give the word, Obama, and IMAO will get working on them.
And before you ask, yes, all the pamphlets we make will be rigged to explode.
Islam is
peaceScientific! innovation!Or we could air drop super extra magnum large condoms on Iran marked “extra snug”! All the dudes would be like WTF…and the women would be asking their guys about their tiny wieners! Muhawawaw!
The Key to Nuclear Weapons: Responsibility
This one won’t work. Something that neither muscuslins nor that guy in the White House know anything about: Responsibility
The pamphlet should be titled: How do we sleep at night when your glowing in the dark!
We could be all like, listen poopy head! our hippies all say No nukes, so you get no nukes or we’ll like, send you all our hippies!
You are incorrect that “…educating someone else makes him [Obama] feel superior and he likes that.” Education has nothing at all to do with making Obama feel superior.
What Obama likes is telling people what to do and making them do it. Then he feels superior, although just by thinking he can tell people what to do and make them do it he must feel pretty darn superior already. Either that or he has a serious misunderstanding of what the US president is supposed to do. I distinctly recall that there is nothing about him being my parent in his job description.
Why did we send a mouse, two turtles, and a can of worms on a one way trip to palooka-ville? Because they were all non-believers that’s why. We firmly believe in death for all non-believers. When it comes to death for non-believers we are equal opportunity fanatics. For our next test we’re thinking of using the three hippies we caught crossing our border from Iraq or maybe some of the protesters we have rotting in our jails. Anyway, yours in peaceful co-existence, at least until we get this thing perfected….Mahmoud
Instead of beetles, how about 120 Iranian wieners in a can? Just like pygmy chickens.
I don’t think we should resort to pamphlets, which may possibly potentially maybe sorta kinda offend someone because they’re all instructionatoring and all, until we’ve completely exhausted the origami option.
The Thai tried dumping 10 million origami cranes on their jihadists, with no discernable drop in beheadings, so I recommend 1 trillion origami cranes. And if can fold them so they look like they are bowing, all the better.
Iran is wishing to enrich its URANIUM stock pile. Gee, I wonder what that is for ?
I say we’ve been approaching this problem all wrong. WE should be “HELPING” instead of bad mouthing. My first act of mercy and assistance shall be to help them achieve thier goal! That’s right I said it! If they want enriched Uranium,….then by all means they should have it!
I’ll call my delivery friends at the …69th Bomb Squadron at Minot AFB, N.D. I hear they just got re-activated too!
Newsish Fakery Dept.: Iran Launches Piggy Payload, Imam Outraged That Jooos Not Used First
Aha. their translators have told them that Americans are particularly averse to opening cans of worms. Perhaps it’s time we showed them how much we enjoy opening cans of whupa$$.
“And Ahmadinejad probably did his happy little dance he does whenever he sees the tears of a child. It’s kind of a jig.”
Maybe it’s just a call back to the Ashley Simpson Saturday Night Live lip-syncing debacle.
Feb. 11th is going to be a nervous day.