Archive of entries posted on 17th February 2010

Analogies for Obama

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So I was reading this Spectator piece from Jeri Thompson, which mentions the fact that Obama’s Assistant Secretary of Commerce for Manufacturing, Nicole Lamb-Hale, was a bankruptcy lawyer.

This line caught my eye:

What kind of message does a President send when he puts a bankruptcy lawyer in charge of the manufacturing sector? It’s comparable to appointing a tax cheat to run the Treasury… oh… wait… never mind.

and it got me thinking about what else putting a bankruptcy lawyer in charge of manufacturing is like:

“I’m available for Bar Mitzvahs”

* Putting a thunderstorm in charge of your campfire.

* Having a divorce lawyer officiate your wedding ceremony.

* Hiring a demolition crew to build your house.

* Picking Lindsay Lohan as your AA sponsor.

* Putting the Orkin man in charge of your apiary.

* Putting Jack Kevorkian in charge of the retirement home industry.

* Putting a lawn mower in charge of your flower garden.

* Hiring Tiger Woods to teach kids about abstinence.

* Having George Lucas direct your epic space opera prequels.

* Letting a porcupine guard your condoms.

* Putting Harry Reid in charge of your Negro Black History Month celebration.

What would YOU compare Obama’s masterpiece of tone-deaf appointeeism to?

IMAO Reader Theater: “Sarah Palin Interviewed By Larry King”

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Wiccapundit of Red State Witch presents: “Sarah Palin Interviewed By Larry King”


[YouTube direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it isn’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

Nuclear Obama

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President Obama says we’ll now make two new nuclear reactors. I think that’s a good thing, but I have some concerns. We don’t trust Iran with nuclear material, so should we really trust Obama? It’s not that I think Obama is up to anything nefarious, but the nuclear material is really serious stuff and I’m not sure about it in the hands of someone whose main experience is community organizing and editing a college newspaper. Doesn’t it ever worry you he has access to nukes? The guy can’t talk to schoolkids without a teleprompter and yet he can kills millions within seconds. I just hope we have someone responsible in charge of that stuff — and not like a Communist or a domestic terrorist from Obama’s handpicked staff.

Again, I don’t think he’s going to nuke anyone or expose a city to radiation — purposely. But, you know, it’s worth worrying about.

Will the Whining Ever Stop?

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Here’s yet another liberal whining about why isn’t Cheney prosecuted for pouring water on the faces of terrorist masterminds. Through the eight years of Bush, liberals did nothing buy whine impotently. Now they have the presidency and majorities in the House and Senate and what do they do? Whine impotently.

As liberals claimed, Bush stole the election and he and Cheney were taking away all our freedoms and imposing fascism on this country, yet all liberals ever did was whine and maybe depict Bush as a monkey on occasion. Guys, just admit you’re full of it, you always were full of it, and move on. Dick Cheney is still out there and he still has access to water, so maybe you should be more careful what you say about him.

Curling Update

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We lost. The men’s team lost to Germany and Norway, and the women’s team to Japan. A bleak, bleak beginning to this Olympics. For fans of curling, i.e., true patriots, it is hard to be in good spirits right now. Still, the women take on Germany and the men take on Switzerland today, and it’s time to show them all who truly is the greatest country in the world.

To get you pumped, here’s a music video made to Johnathan Coulton’s song about American curling:

Random Thoughts

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One advantage of making Palin president is we can’t start blaming everything liberals are currently for on misogyny.

Carpe diem, people! You can’t spend your whole life fearing a mummy’s curse.

Barack Obama doesn’t care about curling people.

People who make fun of curling are sociopaths who should be locked away from normal society.

Q. What’s better than watching curling in HD? A. Nothing in this universe.

I have one thing to say about the German curling team: Nazi bastards!

Liberals react to the Tea Party like the monkeys did to the obelisk in 2001: fearful, angry, and unlikely to ever understand it.

“They stole the election!” “They committed war crimes!” If the right believed stuff like that, they’d do more than whine about it endlessly.

Liberals are in constant fear that Dick Cheney is still out there and has easy access to water.

I predict that one hundred years from now we’ll still be ten years away from environmental doomsday.

The Medieval Warming Period doesn’t disprove man-made global warming because that was caused by all the dragons burning stuff.

Yes, I believe in dragon-made global warming.

Solving the GTMO problem

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While I disagree with the president, I am still an American. And I have a duty to my country to help in any way I can.

One of the president’s biggest problems — as Obama sees it — is the prison at Guantanamo Bay (GTMO). And he is right about this: GTMO is a public relations issue for the U.S. Of course, he is one of the ones that made it a PR issue. But, the fact remains, it is an issue.

He wants to close GTMO, but he has no clue on what to do about the detainees there.

The president needs help.

And I’m here to help.

Putting our differences aside, I have the solution to the GTMO “problem.”

Let’s simply announce we’ve released everybody from GTMO — released them back in the countries where we found them. We don’t actually release anyone; just say we did.

It’s not like Obama is above telling a little White Lie. Or, in his case, a Half-White Lie. Since he’ll lie to the American people, he should have no problem lying to non-Americans, like the French, the Iranians, the Iraqi, the Canadians, the Germans, the MSNBC news anchors… We just tell them all that we have released the detainees, and we don’t know, or care, what happened to them after that.

The next thing to do is wait a week while they go all ga-ga over the “release” — then we announce that we’ve expanded the Air Force Flight Test Center (Detachment 3) research facility at Groom Lake (you might know it as “Groom Lake” or “Area 51”) and have converted the facility at GTMO to military research.

Again, that would be only a Half-White Lie, since we would be researching. Only we’d be researching terrorists. With water.

Groom Lake is very secure because of the nature of the testing that occurs there. You can’t just go there. Reporters can’t just go there. Don’t believe me? Try it.

And here’s the best part: tell Joe Biden that the research being done there is related to the aliens that crashed at Roswell. He can’t keep his mouth shut, so he’ll start that rumor. And the people that support Obama are the same kind of people that believe aliens crashed at Roswell, so it would fit their preconceived notions. Everything will take care of itself.

There you are, Mr. President. You have your solution to your GTMO “problem.”

  • The facility continues functioning as-is
  • The research and alien cover story explains why no one can go there to verify anything

Oh, and Mr. President? You’re welcome.