Republicans are trying to get Obama to start over on health care legislation. If they succeed, they should make sure it’s fiscally conservative. That mean, that it can’t be paid for through tax money and instead has to be paid for through the spoils of war. We need a new MRI machine, we forcefully take it from Canada. Need new money for a hospital, we see how much Belgium will pay us not to drop bomb on them.

That’s fiscal conservatism.

And if Obama won’t agree to that, the Republicans should say to him, “You’re stupid and no one likes you!” — which is true — and then walk out. They need to take a stand like that, even though it’s pretty hard because Obama usually has a big bowl of Reese’s peanut butter cups and you can eat all you want if you support his legislation. But that’s what principles are about — you sometimes take the hard road. So while Arlen Specter is gorging himself with candy, the Republicans just need to leave. Don’t worry, Obama will eventually cave. He can’t eat all those peanut butter cups himself because he already lost a foot to diabetes.

Palin gave some sort of speech over the weekend. I guess it went really really well because instead of the left seizing on anything said in it, they spotted that Sarah Palin had written notes on her hand and went crazy over that. So conservatives are supposed to be dangerous and evil and the best they have right now is that one of them wrote something on her hand.

But is there still the possibility of Sarah Palin becoming president? I don’t know; she writes stuff on her hand. That’s not very presidential. Obama would never write stuff on his hand unless the teleprompter told him to. So Palin is dangerous and stupid and writes stuff on her hand; I don’t think people are going to elect her. My choice for 2012 is still Dick Cheney. Obama is inexperienced and everyone likes him, so I think the perfect antidote would be someone who is experienced and everyone hates. And Cheney is very careful at making sure everyone hates him. Once someone turned to Cheney and said, “Know what? I kind of like you.” And then Cheney blasted him in the face with a shotgun.

Still, maybe I’m too harsh on Palin. Lots of politicians actually write reminders on their hands. Here’s what some other politicians have had written:

Nancy Pelosi: don’t bite children
Barney Frank: remember the letter ‘r’
Barack Obama: read teleprompter
Harry Reid: try not to look like death
John McCain: resist urge to violently attack conservatives
Joe Biden: purple monkey dishwasher
Fred Thompson: if you can read this, you’re already dead
George W. Bush: noo-cu-lar