Archive of entries posted on 2nd February 2010

lolterizt! Part 100

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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


[reference link]

From dneff:

Also from dneff:

From Hatless in Hattiesburg:

From Steve:

From Velvet Elvis:

From Brian:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with comes with two options.

Option 1: Brian of Snapped Shot saw this picture:

And said:

“Our regular Jihadi demonstrators have gotten bored with rocks, and are now toying around with other objects they can hurl at Israel.

Can you help this little guy find more things to throw?”

Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation! was kind enough to take out the smoke grenade:

so you can just put something right in the little terizt’s hand, like this:

If you don’t have Photoshop, here’s a primer on how to make fake pictures with Microsoft Paint.

Option 2: if you’d rather just caption instead, go ahead & play with this one:

And yes, you can do both, if you want.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

IMAO Reader Theater: “keith and danny”

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Chris presents: “keith and danny”,


[Xtranormal direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it isn’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

Republican No More Than Democrats

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The Science! is settled!

Of course, the left has always had two competing narratives on Republicans: We’re dumb hick hillbillies and we’re uncaring rich people. But there actually pretty mutually exclusive as there aren’t many rich, dumb hick hillbillies (Ted Turner, maybe, but I don’t think he’s a Republican).

But don’t listen to the left as Science! says they are stupid. Yes, that’s right, burned by the very Science! they worship!

No Moon

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So we’re not going back to the moon. That sucks, but space has sucked for some time.

It took only about sixty-five years from getting a plane to fly a couple feet to getting to the moon, but over forty years after that we’re not even capable of going back to moon. We suck.

The most amazing accomplishment of man, the moon landing, was ten years before I was born and we’re not even interested in trying to top it. With the progress we had back in the late sixties, we’d expect to have well-settled Mars colonies by 2010. But, no, we’re all quite earthbound and working on the same Earth problems we’ve always had. Stupid Earth. We even have environmentalism to try and get a few more miles out of this dumb planet instead of finding a new, better one.

I guess the solution is more capitalism since we probably won’t have a revolution in space until people can make a profit there. But space is expensive. Hopefully some very smart and greedy people are working on this.

I guess this all benefits me. Now I can go up to Obama and say, “Since we’re not going to the moon, I guess there’s no reason not to… nuke it!”

Of course, every time I try to approach Obama I get tackled — even if I have documentation showing I’m allowed to be there. The Secret Service just say I have the sort of face they like to tackle. Jerks.

Random Thoughts

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Unfortunately, my thoughts were quite ordered and predictable yesterday. I’ll try to have one random thought now:

Ice cream.

Hmm… that wasn’t very interesting. I’ll try again:

Kangaroo.

Well, that’s better. At least that one is a funny ‘k’ word. And why do they jump anyways? Exactly what does a six-foot tall creature need to jump over so badly?

Greatest Generation

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I found out last night that my grandmother passed away. Some time back, I was collecting military stories and I wrote down my grandmother’s story of what she did as a civilian during World War II while her husband was in the Pacific theater. It really reminds us that while we’re at war now, the average person doesn’t have to sacrifice very much. Of course, they didn’t want us to experience what they had to go through and that is why they worked so hard. There are a lot of sacrifices behind all the freedoms and opportunities we have, and every American should feel that its his obligation to do something good with them.

Rest in peace, Dorothy Lefavi.

Baptists and the Haitian orphans

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Ten Baptists from Idaho are being held in Haiti after attempting to leave the earthquake-devastated country with 33 Haitian orphans.

This is shocking. Who knew there were Baptists in Idaho? And not just Baptists, but Southern Baptists. Have these people never seen a map? Idaho isn’t southern anything. Except maybe southern Canada.

But there is a secondary aspect to this story: Baptists are being accused of child-smuggling.

Unless you’re a Baptist, this might come as a shock. But it’s not a shock to me. You see, I’m a Baptist. And not just a Baptist, I’m a Southern Baptist. So, you can depend on my telling you the truth about this issue.

Baptists are known for many things, mostly for what they don’t do:

  • Baptists don’t drink.
  • Baptists don’t dance.
  • Baptists don’t have fun.

At least, that’s the impression most people have about Baptists.

The other thing that people know about Baptists is that we’ve had three Baptist presidents: Harry Truman, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton.

Most people don’t remember Harry Truman, but neither Carter nor Clinton could be used for recruiting purposes.

But, Baptists are huge proponents of fund-raising.

Baptists are always raising money for some building project. Whether it’s adding a new fellowship hall, renovating the sanctuary, or building a new church far away from all the undesirables that live the next street over from the current building, hardly a week goes by that a Baptist church isn’t having some fund-raising event.

Southern Baptists have three big fund-raisers during the year: The Lottie Moon Christmas Offering (for International Missions), the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering (for North American Missions), and the Black Orphan Auction (for funding Right-Wing Extremist Missions).

As a Baptist, I’m asking you to support the missionaries from Idaho who are simply trying to good work. If not God’s work, at least, Rush Limbaugh’s.

Idaho has an extreme shortage of Black orphans. Have you ever seen a Black person in Idaho? No Black person would willingly go to Idaho. You can hardly convince a White person to go there. Well, if the choices were Idaho or Montana, then Idaho might be the choice, but otherwise, you won’t find a single person of color. It’s the Whitest state west of Delaware.

That’s why the Baptist churches in Idaho need these Haitian orphans. Without the Black Orphan Auction, they won’t be able to fund Right-Wing Extremist Missions. And if that happens, Air American will return to the airwaves.

You have been warned.