Stephen Hawking doesn’t want us contacting space aliens because he thinks they could destroy us and just plunder our planet for its resources. He apparently came to this conclusion after lots of his super-smart physics thinking — or maybe after watching the movie Independence Day. Don’t worry, though; I have the solution.
We just make sure to send broadcasts of the original Star Trek episodes into space. Then aliens finding out about our civilization will see what happens to hostile space aliens: They get punched in the face by Captain Kirk. Hostile aliens will then avoid us not wanting to get punched in their face or their alien equivalent of a face.
Captain Kirk saves earth again.
Obama was immediately quoted as saying, “Those aliens sound like my kind of folks”.
Unfortunately, on a slightly more serious tone, Hawking’s arguments seems to be that aliens could be bad… like America.
As with his belief in global warming, this would indeed put Hawking in the same category as Einstein or Linus Pauling: great scientific minds, useless at anything else.
En…gage!
I always ignore my plumbers opinion on my computer and my car mechanics opinion on my gardening.
I think Zapp Brannigan would be better. Just look at how he conquered the Retiree People of the Assisted Living Nebula. Too bad he’s a cartoon.
But what if they’re like the green-skinned alien sex kitten in episode 69? Or the amazingly lifelike sex robots like in episode 7?
I think Hawking has considered this possibility, and, bitter because he would not be able to properly enjoy a sex robot, doesn’t think the rest of us should either.
The Japanese are taking way too long to get their sex robots as good as the ones in episode 7, and I can’t afford a Japanese sex robot in any case.
So, I say the hell with Stephen Hawking, and I say let ’em come.
What if all those horny female space aliens show up, eager to jump Jim Kirk’s bones?
“Uh, sorry, Captain Kirk is in the loo-can I help you?”
grrrrr !-)
it was funny cause I used the same analogy as frank did today when describing this to my co-workers. only I used the tv mini series V.
Hawking turned out to be wrong on a few issues There isn’t a space alien out there that can take a Fred Thompson hippie face-punch. As foer the anal probes, there is a whole bunch in congress ready to take care fo those.
So that’s what congress has been preparing us for! They figured by the time the aliens got here we would be used to it.
I think Hawking is just afraid they are gonna “tak his jahab”
Something that’s bothered me for while, why doesn’t Hawking have a British accent?
What else is there to do? Sit around all day making stuff up.
KIRK- “I’m just glad I kicked his knee”
ALIEN CHICK- “That wasn’t his knee.”
SORRY I MISQUOTED!
KIRK- I’m just glad he had knees
ALIEN CHICK- That wasn’t his knee.
Star Trek is a good idea actually.
I was thinking about sending out episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger. What alien wants to be roundhouse kicked in the tentacles?
But then I realized, like Greg, that we’d be hip deep in green fan dancers and Rigellian princesses.
So Star Trek (the original) would keep away evil, energy beast aliens and attract hot, busty aliens wearing 10 oz of silver cloth.
That’s just win-win.
While Jim Kirk may be somewhat of a deterrent, I think I am going to put my faith in Jan Brewer, The governor of Arizona.
Stephen Hawking sounds like a Dalek. Just sayin’.
Maybe the government could send Capt. Kirk to California, Arizona, New Mexico, or Texas. Lots of hostile aliens there to punch in the face, especially in Arizona. He might not save the planet but maybe he could save the country.
Don’t talk to aliens! All I did was correct one of their math equations, and look at what happened to me! (that Lou-Gherig’s Disease thing is just a cover-story).
– Stephen Hawking, plotting vengence against the aliens since 1975.
Aliens would invade anyone because they’d think, hey, wouldn’t it be cool to get punched in the face by Capt. Kirk?
Yeah, Hawking, what’s to say that the aliens aren’t as gullible as the ones in “Galaxy Quest” that believed that the StarTrek-ish show was a historical record.
They might be big enough suckers to believe in global warming, universal healthcare,
and socialism- in which case their industrial complex would be so crippled (no offense)
that they would never threaten Earth.
Terry_Jim is right. For all we know these aliens are as dumb as the ones in Galaxy Quest. Hawking is probably just saying that to protect his dummy alien friends from us putting them to work mowing our lawns and using them as foot rests and ammunition against hippies. Damn alien lover!
Yeah, Hawking does sound like a Dalek. If anyone ever catches him saying “EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE” while spinning around and waving his suction cups around we’ll know for sure he is a Dalek!
Holy crap. I thought this guy was supposed to be some kinda genius.
Why in the hell would an entity capable of interstellar travel want to come here? Rare earth metals?
And we can scream at the top of our lungs into the most poerful transmitter on the planet- how many years will it take to reach a world with sentient life?
Wow. I have lost a lot of respect for the sciences.
We’re doomed if this the best we got.
Hawking does sound like a dalek, Obama looks like he’s part Ferengi, Pelosi is definitely a reptilian, and Palin would look hot in green body paint.