Now that Republicans have a huge majority in the House, they need to work to expand on it and one day stomp out all Democrats and make them extinct. Then they go into books about extinct things next to dinosaurs, and maybe the dinosaurs will eat them. That’s what you get for being socialist!
Now, Republicans can’t just do anything they want — yet — as Democrats still control the Senate and the presidency. That means at first the Republicans will have to compromise some. Like, for instance, instead of making it policy that hippies should be set on fire and beaten with a stick, change it so that they’re only set on fire.
I am not a RINO! I am just trying to be politically realistic!
And Republicans will need to do lots of tricks to get things done with Obama still as president. Luckily, he is arrogant and stupid making him easy to trick.
OBAMA: “I signed the bill sending those billions to Democrat districts for pork. Thanks for passing it.”
GOP: “Oh. We thought that money was supposed to go towards giant robots.”
OBAMA: “No! It was supposed to be more wasteful spending to show my contempt for America!”
GOP: “Well, we must have got our wires crossed because we already spent the money on giant robots with big American flags on them.”
OBAMA: “I don’t want that! I only want wasteful things! Stop the construction of those awesome robots!”
GOP: “Too late. They’re already attacking Iran.”
OBAMA: “Grr. Well, at least you passed my wife’s idea of making a Healthy Eating Day.”
GOP: “Oh… that’s what it was supposed to be? We made it Nacho Day instead.”
OBAMA: “But nachos aren’t healthy! They’ll lead to more fat kids! Michelle hates fat kids! She spends most her day screaming about how much she hates them!”
MICHELLE: “Barry! Why are there a bunch of fat kids out the window burning me in effigy!”
GOP: “Because it’s Nacho Day!”
See, it’s like obstructionism, but with robots and nachos. Then people learn how awesome Republicans are and want to elect even more.
So, GOP, if you need help figuring out what to do, just hire me as a consultant. I am very expensive.
Nacho = Not your. Not your day, Michelle.
Nacho Day
Nacho Day!!! Intended or not, brilliant!
What? No rocket packs?
Rhino …
Intended link
Actually, National Nachos Day is November 6th, so just 2 days away.
One strategy that could work well is proposing bills that have items the Dem’s want but also eliminate provisions of the original Obamacare bill. For example: extend the 99 weeks of unemployment benefits about to expire (like for 12 weeks) but tie it to canceling the individual requirement to purchase health insurance. Keep doing this until the bill is gutted. Then, in 2013, repeal the entire bill.
I know. This isn’t funny.
OBAMA: Thank you for supporting my $3 trillion initiative to support electric cars and the green economy.
GOP: You’re welcome, but we used the money to nuke the moon.
OBAMA: Nuke the moon!? It was supposed to go for electric cars. Let me make this perfectly clear, electric cars are the cornerstone of my agenda.
GOP: Well, we used electric rockets. Besides, you wanted to reduce our nuclear stockpile, and you said we were going to use nuclear power for peaceful purposes. We did both! And it only cost us $1.5 billion plus tax and gratuity. We left a large gratuity because Amapajamahead wet his pants when he found out.
OBAMA: Argggggggh! My bucket! Where’s my bucket!?
That explains why the Obamas are leaving for India tomorrow. Michelle can’t stand to see kids eating anything they actually enjoy.
Obama: Thanks for signing that bill to give lots of money to Amtrak, thus expanding our massive debt.
GOP: What are you talking about?
Obama: Huh?
GOP: We changed the bill to privatize Amtrak. The Northeast Corridor railroad is now controlled by Halliburton.
GOP: Say, why don’t you stand in front of those tracks.
Obama: Okey-dokey!
GOP: Now just wait for the choo-choo, Obama.
Obama: Okey-dokey!
THAT’S why Obama is leaving. A Kenyan can’t stand an all-American holiday like Nacho Day.
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Speaking of stomping… On Nov. 2 Rand Paul, Hippie Stomper, won his senate seat. Today, Nov. 4, is the 56th anniversery oif the release of “Godzilla”, the first big stomper. Coincidence? I think not. Nov. 3 should be National Stomping Day. Let’s build giant flame breathing hippie stomping robots to celebrate.
“See, it’s like obstructionism, but with robots and nachos.”
Ok, I am soooo glad I learned NOT to have a drink while reading this site – I would have spewed all over my already sticking keyboard. FrankJ for President!!!! I sometimes say “lol” without meaning it, but here I really DO laugh. out. loud.
I understand Kellogg’s is coming out with a new breakfast cereal…Puffed Nachos. National cartoon spokesman Cap’n Nacho says…”Make every day; Nacho Day; with a big bowl of Puffed Nachos.” Also understand Puffed Nachos will not be served in the White House.
I disagree with the notion that we should compromise to only burn hippies instead of beating them with sticks. I would much rather beat them with sticks than set them on fire – it just feels so much better when you’re smacking them around.
Absolutely, Ernie; also, they make such a wonderful sound if you hit them just right.
I’m going to have a nacho day at my house soon. Y’all come!
Iowa Jim – that sounds like fun we could have a hippie piñata.
Obama – Thanks for passing my request for gays in the military
Congress – Gays in the military? We thought you said Great, have the military destroy Iran which they have already done!
Obama – Thanks for authorizing my trip to India
Congress – You are welcome but whoops, oh well, it’s a one way ticket!
Obama – Thanks for passing my Green Legislation
Congress – We thought it was just typed in the wrong color and changed it to black and then we cut taxes for everyone in the world!
Obama – Thanks for working with me on my Muslim outreach program
Congress – You are welcome. It is now legal for every American to reach out and punch a Muslim in the face, hard and several times. Cops may not interfere!
GOP: Gays in the military? We thought you meant GUYS in the military!
Obama: But, but, we need gays in the military too!
GOP: Sorry, Barrack, but the guys in the military want giant robots with lasers. It’s a guy thing, you wouldn’t understand.
Obama: Can we at least have some gay robots in the military?
GOP: Robots can’t be gay, you silly nilly! They aren’t even hetero, all they care about is blasting and killing whoever they’re programmed to blast and kill.
Obama: Couldn’t we at least program the robots to be gay?
GOP: Now that’s just wrong. What’s this obbsesion of yours with gays in the military, anyway?
Obama: I just love a man in uniform!
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