So the FDA is considering banning alcoholic drinks that contain caffeine because… um… they don’t like it and if you don’t like something in America, you ban it. It’s to stop college from binge drinking or something, as they’ll never figure out how to mix Red Bull and vodka themselves. Not sure how this will affect getting an Irish coffee.

It really seems like a large segment of the population just doesn’t even understand the concept of freedom and the extent of government power in the slightest. We have this, we have the transfats and salt bans, the Happy Meal ban in San Francisco, and talk of jamming cellphone signals in cars. It doesn’t matter what you want, it matters what some politicians think you should or should not be able to do.

This is completely divorced from the whole concept of American freedom and eventually something is going to give. That’s why once again I suggest we divide the country to save it. We need parts of America designated as freedom zones where there are extremely strict limits on what laws can be passed, and then there will be “Freedom Is Scary!” zones where the government can go crazy running people’s lives. And people can choose where they want to live, and everyone will be happy… as long as the “Freedom Is Scary!” zones can only collect taxes from the scared by freedom people to fund their wacky ideas.

Someone get working on that amendment.

So Democrats in the House overwhelmingly reelected Nancy Pelosi as their leader. And why not? How often do you get a chance to say you’re being led by the most unpopular politicians alive. And thus Democrats continue their quest to be as absolutely unappealing as possible to the majority of Americans.

Really, though, what could Democrats have appointed as their leader that would be more appealing than her? Let’s name a few:

THINGS THAT ARE MORE APPEALING THAN NANCY PELOSI

* Clamshell packaging
* The TSA
* A monkey with a sniper rifle
* Diabetes
* M. Night Shyamalan The Last Airbender
* Detroit
* Jim DeMint’s stupid, fat face
* Windows Vista

But I don’t want to tell the Democrats what to do. I’m sure it’s all part of a super smart plan or something.

Apparently some conservatives put out a declaration that criticism of DeMint will not be tolerated. To which I respond, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!”

Know why Republicans didn’t get the Senate this election? It’s because of DeMint and his stupid, fat face. We could have cruised to victory in this climate, except always ruining our momentum was DeMint’s stupid, fat face getting in the way. Plus, I’ve noticed something similar about all of DeMint’s supporters’ face: They are stupid and they are fat. What’s holding back the GOP right now are DeMint and his followers’ stupid, fat faces.

Hey, that was fun. Let’s criticize Palin now.

Palin is as unelectable as a write in candidacy for Mr. Mxyzptlk. She is destroying our chances with her “you betchas” and her… doing stuff. How about instead of promoting Palin, we skip the middleman and campaign for Obama? The official IMAO position is that we hate Palin and never want her mentioned again.

Hmm, who should I criticize next?

Fred Thompson is the worst…

AHH! HE JUST PUNCHED THROUGH THE WALL AND HE’S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!