Was Osama Shot in the Face in Accordance with Islamic Traditions?

I answer this question and more in my new Pajamas Media column. Don’t know how good a judge I am of my own work, but I think this may be my funniest column ever.

27 Comments

  1. But they buried him at sea. So we can’t dance on his grave (unless some among you have learned to dance on water…).
    Then again, maybe someone could do cruise-ship tours over to where they dumped him. And have dances when they reach the place – I think that might qualify.

  2. While I was reading the article, my Dad was voicing his opinion on Osama’s burial being dictated according to proper Islamic tradition. I was too busy reading to properly hear all of his lovely rant, but I did comprehend the key portions. “Body eaten by sharks” and “alive while it happened” were the most choice phrases.

    BTW, I would like to join Jimmy in the jig. Even a German with no rhythm has to have fun!

  3. Marko, I don’t know if we should complement Frank on that article or not, but when I finished it, it occurred to me that it’s the kind of piece that should be read on FOX’s Red Eye – or maybe even O’Reilly. That really was excellent satire, Frank. Jiggy!

  4. Did we remember to behead him? Islamic tradition seems to have a lot to do with beheadings, so I hope we didn’t miss that detail. That seems to be important. Beheading, dragging the carcass through the streets of the nearest town, and general desecration. Did SEAL Team Six (peace be upon them) remember to do all of these?

    I think the burial-at-sea part was a mistake, though. Burial at sea is more in keeping with Viking traditions than with Islamic traditions, especially with several buxom blondes, a longboat, and a fire big enough to be seen from space. There was probably a shortage of blondes in Pockeestan, and possibly a shortage of longboats, too. Viking funeral traditions are generally limited to Vikings, who are manly and heroic, so I’m very surprised that Obama bin Laden was confused with a Viking.

  5. “certified halal bullet” my butt.
    You mean a Kosher Full Metal Jacket don’t you?

    I really hope the sharks didn’t get him. I would much prefer crabs and hagfish.

    And, what is the point of washing the body when you are going to throw him in the drink.

  6. I’ll tell you what should be read on Fox News, Jimbo, my boy!

    ATTENTION brave readers of IMAO. Click here for the horror of it all.

    Killing a single M1 Garand – “Greatest battle implement ever devised” in the words of George Patton, and the greatest firearm in American history (A history which includes the Pennsylvania long rifle, the Winchester, the 1903 Springfield, and the M1911) – is a crime. Killing millions of them is mass murder bordering on treason. But distrust for American greatness is nothing new for Obama.

  7. Full fathom five that f***er lies;
    All his bones are on display;
    Those are holes that were his eyes;
    Little fish have had their way,
    But doth suffer a sea-change
    Into something poor and dead.
    Tiger sharks hourly ring his knell:
    Ding-dong.
    Hark! now I hear them — Dinner bell.

  8. so osama thought he could run things while he was hiding out somewhere, and ended up shot dead anyhow. Now I guess some imam and a bunch of other people are all harelipped over it….maybe some other ‘world leaders’ need to rethink that ‘lead from behind’ crap…..

  9. For sale cheap, three story, large, and roomy, eight room mansion with twelve foot security wall topped with barbed wire, located in good neighborhood near large military base, easy access to schools, shopping centers, and police stations, some bullet holes in walls, ceiling, and floors, also some blood stains on floors, some minor maintenance and clean-up needed, otherwise ready for immediate occupancy, former occupant deceased. Inquire Abbottabad Reality Co. ask for Achmed.

  10. I can’t fathom how our so called president would “keep with islamic tradition” with this bastard. He had a hand in the killing of over 3000 Americans with no regard for their religion, families, or lives. Yes I’m glad the man is dead ,”if he is truly dead”. I would have cut his hair, beard, and balls off then beheaded him and televised the entire thing. I would then ship his body to the heads of the talaban. I also sit here in total disbeleif that the whitehouse would not release photographs due to “sensitivities”. They also claimed to have done DNA testing. What did they use to compare him to? Something smells….

  11. Very funny stuff, Frank J! I am glad we are so sensitive to Mooslim “feelings” in this country! They have been so good to us! I just read on Drudge that on Gitmo, they no longer fly the US Flag where the detainees can see it. That is a really good idea! How insulting can we be to make the evil doers look at our nasty flag every day! I mean, like we are imperialist pigs and all…

  12. “We want to hurt people not feelings.”

    Frank, absolutely your best insight since making the observation that Arafat wanted to give back his Nobel Peace Prize because giving one to Jimmy Carter made it worthless.

  13. It’s like reading H.L. Mencken’s history of the bathtub — a classic. “we want to hurt people, not feelings. That’s why all hellfire missiles now have written on the front of them, ‘This shouldn’t be construed as a negative view of your religion.'” You’re at the top of your form on this one, kudos.

  14. I was under the impression that the traditional Muslim method of dispatching enemies was to cut their head off, video tape it, and release the tape to Al Jazeera.

    No wonder they’re so upset with us – we won’t release the video – or even a photograph!

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