Archive of entries posted on 2nd May 2011

Happy Day

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First off, everyone calm down. We are being assured that Osama bin Laden’s corpse is being handled according to Islamic tradition. If there is one thing Osama bin Laden earned, it was respect for his religion. Plus, we don’t want all the moderate Muslims hearing we mistreated one of their favorite holy men.

Really, how idiotic is this constant assurance that Osama’s corpse is being handled by Islamic tradition? Who is worried about it? And isn’t the government’s official position that terrorists aren’t really Muslims? Someone is very confused, and for once it’s not me. Still, they buried him at sea, so it’s really hard to verify how he was handled. Maybe while they were issuing press releases on respect, they were tossing his body in a wood chipper and converting him to chum.

And this is really going to make the 2012 campaign different for Obama — he now has an actual accomplishment! He won’t just have vague things to promise in the future (“Change!”) or a bunch of invisible jobs he saved and created to point to, but instead he’ll have an actual thing he did that Americans like to promote himself with. He probably won’t even know what to do with himself. Some will argue over the amount of credit he gets (and apparently some of the intel used for this came from Gitmo, which he campaigned to shut down), but he did authorize a risky raid in Pakistan without waiting for anyone else’s approval. That’s the U.S. president acting as the U.S. president. He certainly gets more credit for this than the first President Bush got for the fall of the Soviet Union, because the death of Osama happened with direct action by him. Take your victory lap, Obama; you deserve it.

Which does raise the issue of Pakistan. It kind of sounds like Osama was out in the open, and there is no way the Pakistan government didn’t know about him. So what now? Are we just going to let that go? I know we already have three wars, but if we find that parts of the Pakistan government were hiding bin Laden, that is not something we can just let go.

Oh well; interesting times. Just nice to have some good news in this country for a change. Thanks to President Bush, President Obama, our military, and our intelligence services. USA! USA! USA!

Random Thoughts

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The usual way to communicate you don’t care about something is to never feel the need to mention it, but I guess that’s too inefficient.

If I ever met royalty, I’d punch ’em in the face. Why? Because I’m an American. That’s what we do.

We didn’t have a bunch of people with wacky hats at my wedding, which made me really stick out.

If not at least half the things you put out on the internet are made up, you’re not doing it right.

Been a long time since I was excited to hear the president speak.

I hear that Osama’s kidney dialysis machine failed to sustain him while he was being incinerated by a hellfire missile.

Always feel a little weird celebrating someone’s death. I’ll celebrate America’s joy.

Just hope Obama doesn’t come out and say, “Sorry, you all misheard; we killed his brother, Steve Laden.”

Personally, I think him being shot is better than being taken out by a drone strike.

There are some reports that Osama’s will declaring he wants to be buried with his favorite pig may have been forged.

Heard Osama’s corpse is being handled according to Islamic tradition. How about after you murder thousands, we don’t respect your religion.

Shouldn’t it be the official PC position that Osama isn’t a real Muslim?

Man, am I being super careful in the second letter of names I’m writing tonight.

Cee Lo Green should record a clean version of the Team America theme for times like this. “America, forget yeah!”

Handling Osama’s corpse according to Islamic tradition — because he was a traditional Muslim?

We seem very discombobulated on what’s showing respect to Islam.

Why are people so quick to declare the war on terror over? That just means all the sooner we’ll start the war against China.

Really, is there a single person saying, “Oh, they’re handling Osama’s corpse by Islamic tradition? Good; I was worried about that”?

They say Osama’s corpse is being handled according to Islamic tradition, but the Koran is silent on him being shoved down a Port-O-Potty.

“Dude, we were totally handling Osama according to Islamic tradition, but then wild dogs ran up and ripped off his head. It happens.”

How long until we can buy a commemorative plate?

Sketch idea: Those assigned to handle Osama’s corpse by Islamic tradition – the Three Stooges.

U.S. Official: Osama bin Laden’s corpse is being handled according to Islamic tradition by specially trained monkeys.

So, the reaction from Pakistan will be interesting.

If I were an ammo manufacturer, I’d be rushing to check if my bullets were used to kill Osama, because that would make a great ad campaign.