We’ve really been in a funk in America for a while. I blame Obama, but it’s not just his fault; it’s also the fault of his ideas. We’re starting to forget what awesomeness is in America and it’s time to remind ourselves and the world that we are a million time better than anyone else. That’s going to take some drastic measure to show our awesomeness and regain our confidence, so here are the things I would implement if I were president:

STEPS TO BRING AWESOME BACK TO AMERICA

* Start initiative to finally get us robotic cops.

* Confiscate all the wealth of Congress and sentence them to hobo town where they will live forever as hobo outcasts.

* Invade, get an unconditional surrender from, and then leave a country while never once giving a stated reason.

* Build high-speed rail so fast that no human can survive the g-forces.

* Demonstrate America’s superiority to all nations by hosting and winning kung fu tournament on a mysterious island.

* Conquer space: Fly into space, conquer any adversaries (if we can find any), plant flag in space, and declare space property of American and everyone else has to stay out of it.

* Make a promise to the American people that within ten years we will have a rocket launcher on a dinosaur.

* New Bacon Day holiday — new federal holiday we get off to eat bacon. If you object to eating bacon for religious reasons, you can call it something else like “pig strips”.

* Declare obese children to be fugitives so that they’re constantly hunted by federal marshals and on the run so that they’ll get lots of exercise.

* Make gas cheaper by taking oil from other countries without paying for it since we’re America and very big and can do that.

* Do study into whether giant, Battletech type robots are physically possible… then make them no matter what the study results say.

* Start plans for libertarian utopia on Mars.

* Whining will be illegal and result in immediate deportation via Mexicannon™.

* New education initiative: No Child Left Behind in Ability to Use Numchucks.

* Try for entry into Guinness Book of World Records for tallest wall on its border.

* Declare war on the environment: It either needs to be more accommodating to civilization or it will be destroyed and replaced with something better.

* New entitlement program: Everyone is entitled to their own earnings.

So there’s my plan. Too bad I’m not old enough to run for president in 2012, or I’d totally do that and initiate all these ideas. Maybe we should see if one of the candidates running will agree to all these measures; it will be a way to distinguish yourself from all the RINOs.