Straight Line of the Day: Janet Napolitano’s New Homeland Security Plan…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Janet Napolitano’s new Homeland Security plan…

31 Comments

  1. …includes adding Whole Body Imaging scanners to the access doors on every car on the new High-Speed Rail trains being built;

    … protects us from overly-large sugary drinks, no matter what bodily orifice you try and hide them in. Wait, that was Bloomberg. Janet’s plan protects us from any liquid being used in any body orifice.

  2. Did you ever see that movie where the kid spent Christmas at home alone? I think it was called The Kid Who Learned a Valuable Life Lesson. Anyway, she plans to set up stuff like that along our borders and at airport boarding gates and stuff. Hey..it has to work better than what she’s been doing.

  3. She plans to expand the role of the Transportation Security Agency and enforce the current Airport rules for all forms of transportation in public, including personal vehicles operated on public lands (such as roads). We will be required to pass through “nude” x-ray machines before boarding buses, trains or light rail. There will be security checkpoints to search cars and perform invasive body cavity screenings along all roads at a maximum interval of one per every 20 miles. Transporting more than 3 ounces of any liquid will be punishable by a $500 fine and up to 2 years in jail, this includes milk, juice and beer; however cool-aid packaged by select companies (GE, Solyndra, GM, etc.) will be exempt.

  4. The Department of Homeland Security is placing bid requests for 750,000,000 more rounds of “training ammo” for all their departments. This – on top of 450,000,000 rounds purchased earlier this year. Don’t believe me? Google it.

  5. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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