Researchers confident corpse found under a parking lot was Richard III until it coughed and walked away and was Keith Richards.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) February 4, 2013

The world will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and whisper “yolo.”

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 4, 2013

my favorite part of “zero dark thirty” is when bin laden surgically switches faces with jessica chastain and she has to clear her name

— john freiler (@johnfreiler) February 4, 2013

An unkindness of ravens must look at a murder of crows and think “those guys take things way too far!”

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) February 4, 2013

What’s white and can’t climb trees? Powdered sugar.

— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) February 4, 2013