My parents told my sisters and me that the divorce wasn’t our fault and now that I have children of my own I know they were lying.

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) June 11, 2013

Promise me Russell Crowe doesn’t sing in this new Superman movie.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) June 11, 2013

How do you tell someone you want to be less than friends?

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 11, 2013

The most corrupt branch of the Obama administration: the media.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 11, 2013

I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him.

— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) June 11, 2013

Environmentalist hipsters who dress up as loggers are dreadfully confusing. Do you want trees cut down or not?

— Mark Driscoll (@PastorMark) June 11, 2013