Having lost international stature by losing their Olympic bid, these enterprising Chicagoans hope to get a place at the table when SALT talks are renewed again.
They hope to institute a “Mrs. Lot Pillars of Chicago Award” for those who exemplify the “Chicago Way”, and need the salt for creating the appropriate statuettes.
He was just a guy named Peter, home from the sea, climbing out of the cellar, trying to be a shaker, taking his licks, playing the flats, working with the grain…
needed it for the margaritas.
Because they had already stolen 240 tons of pretzel dough.
They mistook the head of the teacher’s union for a giant slug and were trying to melt her.
If you’re watching MSNBC, you’ll never find out, unless they can tie it to Chris Christie.
For the houseful of popcorn popped by the world’s most powerful laser.
I’m not sure… I’m just curious how many of those little packets it takes to make 80 tons, though.
Um, SNOW ???
It was the EPA – they’re going to sow it in the fields of farmers who won’t play ball.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
They felt they were worth it?
To make one batch of McDonald’s french fries.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
Because it’s Chicago and if it isn’t nailed down it’s fair game.
A very misguided attempt to make Lake Michigan a place for saltwater fishing.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
So they can add it to their “regular” rifles?
They’re going to drive it to NYC to piss off Bloomberg.
It wasn’t stolen, it was liberated from “property-lock”.
Someone got very confused about trying to reduce government salaries.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
Hoping to move up from Scum of, to Salt of the Earth.
Heard it was useful in combating slugs.
Because they couldn’t fit 100 tons in the truck.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
They were actually stealing the dump trucks.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
Took Rahm’s advice and didn’t let a good crisis go to waste.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
To save all those Chicogans from the possibility of future High Blood pressure problems.
@13: Is that “a salt with a deadly weapon”?
The thieves were political operatives trying to make their pork last longer.
I doubt they knew it was salt…. they just saw “white crystal stuff” and thought they’d hit the meth mother load.
@22 I was thinking more of making them a Salt[ed] Rifles.
For potatoes, of course! Be on the lookout for a new robbery of 100 tons of melted butter! (A Central New York reference)!
…practice.
Rahm is reserving it to keep a portion of Lake Michigan liquid in case Jimmy Fallon agrees to take the Polar Plunge.
https://www.facebook.com/chicagopolarplunge
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why? To go with the 80 tons of previously stolen pepper.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
To sell it back to the city.
Because it lasts longer that 80 tons of milk
Because salt is bad for you
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
Nothing screams “street cred” in Chicago like have “Stealing salt” on your rap sheet. Dig?
They heard Rahm’s doctor had him on a low-sodium diet.
Having lost international stature by losing their Olympic bid, these enterprising Chicagoans hope to get a place at the table when SALT talks are renewed again.
…any more and the theft would have been conspicuous.
They hope to institute a “Mrs. Lot Pillars of Chicago Award” for those who exemplify the “Chicago Way”, and need the salt for creating the appropriate statuettes.
…because Michelle’s family was coming and the only way Klingons can stomach Earth food is with “tons of salt”.
…Michelle said she needed it because the slug problem in her organic pesticide-free White House garden was getting REALLY out of hand.
…to sell on the black market in New York City.
1. Steal 80 tons of salt.
2. ?
3. Profit!
…they have a fetish for Lot’s wife.
In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?
Frelling Global Warming Deniers.
I don’t know why – but i know it’s not kosher.
Because they needed to take each of Obama’s lies with a grain of salt. Each and every one.
…nearsighted alderman mistook Michelle Obama for a bird and wanted to catch her.
…yearly capacity check of all 80 South Side bathtub breweries was nearing.
…Rahm Emanuel’s upper lip sweating is down .003% due to .003% scandal reductions.
…Obama needed his first batch of retroactive bad luck warding off salt yesterday if not sooner.
They heard it was going to banned.
Cuz someone already took the catsup.
They were high and though it was a big ol’ honkin’ mountain of crystal meth.
Frankly I suspect Anonymiss and the promise of a whole lotta payback cookies!
They had just stolen 2500 tons of french fries.
This person seems to think you can fit 1 ton of salt in a bathtub……so maybe they thought it was bath salt.
She must have a much bigger bathtub than most people.
He was just a guy named Peter, home from the sea, climbing out of the cellar, trying to be a shaker, taking his licks, playing the flats, working with the grain…
Some people look at 80 tons of stolen salt and ask “Why?”…I dream of things that were never stolen and ask “Why not?”.
@42: *slow clap*
… What else are you going to do with 40 tons of pretzels?
… Bloomberg is hoarding.
@42: orz
….Frightend as a child by the Great Pink Sea Snail and has been preparing for the worst ever since.
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel put in an order for some some Kosher salt in according with Halakha (Jewish law). 🙁
Some one found Jimmy Buffet’s lost shaker.