"Do you know how fast you were going sir?" "Um..88mph?" "What makes you say that?" Because I'm driving a a Delorean. Also you're a dinosaur.

— GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) August 19, 2014

My wife is making me do the ice bucket challenge but I'm a little confused as I've watched other videos & no one else has to hold a toaster.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) August 19, 2014

If you'll eat things dipped in that Golden Corral Chocolate Wonderfall, this Ebola thing shouldn't scare you very much.

— ☯Grεg☯ (@absolutemeh) August 19, 2014

Uh, I was not born ready. None of us were. Babies are inherently unprepared for everything, ESPECIALLY this bank heist. Anyway, let's roll.

— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) August 19, 2014

No, no, no, you don't have to engage in a long explanation of why you're single. We've spent five minutes together, I think I've got it.

— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) August 19, 2014