Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows President Obama Skips 60% of Daily Intelligence Briefings. The Other 40%…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new report shows that President Obama skips 60% of daily intelligence briefings. The other 40%…

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  1. A new report shows that President Obama skips 60% of daily intelligence briefings. The other 40%…

    Biden handles his skipping for him.

    are fictions of his imagination.

    he sleeps through.

    occur when he’s golfing.

  2. …he repeats, “Got it! Got It! Got it!…” until the briefers give up and go away.

    …he asks for detailed analysis of the topography of his next golf course.

    …he turns to Valerie and asks, “Why do I need to know this stuff – I have a Nobel Prize?!”

  3. …while the briefers detail the threat matrix, Obama sits at his desk with fingers in his ears, mumbling “Osama is dead” over and over until Valerie puts a hand on his shoulder, saying “it’s OK now, they’re gone.”

  4. …are delivered via messages in Candy Crush

    …involve attacks on Republicans, so he is very interested

    …are where they insure the approaching crab grass invasion only hits public golf courses

  5. …he has an excused absence for, signed by Epstein’s mother.

    …are about subjects that he will read about in the newspapers anyway.

    …are just confirmations for his next beer summit.

    …are updates on the lack of intelligence of liberals, written in the same gibberish that all his reports are composed of.

  6. … slide right over his head.
    … he covers his ears and announces loudly, “lalalalalalala…”, until they run out and leave.
    … are stored in the same file cabinet where he stores recommendations that he require anyone returning from Liberia be placed in Quarantine to prevent more Ebola
    outbreaks.
    … are placed in the wise and capable hands of our Vice President.

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