What didn't kill me gave me anger.
— Good Noodles (@Jenny4ashley) October 17, 2014
The only thing that can stop Ebola is a black and white video of celebrities looking at the camera and solemnly saying "Stop Ebola".
— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) October 17, 2014
[getting fired from NASA]
Is it because I kept saying "Technically we're already in space?"
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) October 18, 2014
Why waste money on a Halloween costume when there's a perfectly good skeleton inside of you?
— UNTRESOR (@UNTRESOR) October 18, 2014