"Your Honor, if it may please the court"
It may..
*does animal shadow puppets*
Yes it does
*sings*
NO THE COURT WANTS PUPPETS
*Judge cries*
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) October 20, 2014
Next Wendy Davis ad: Greg Abbott doesn't pay the Hispanic women who cooks and cleans for him!
— John Nolte (@NolteNC) October 20, 2014
"We have our own fuel now, from the corn!" —Malachi, predicting decades of crappy, crony energy policy in "The Children of the Corn"
— Mary Katharine Ham (@mkhammer) October 20, 2014
one good thing about technology is now whenever youre losing an argument you can just shine your phone flashlight in the other person's eyes
— John V (@wettbutt) October 20, 2014
I never read the forewords of books because that wasn't part of the deal
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 21, 2014