“Man, we’d have this election in the bag if we just nominated absolutely anyone else.” -both political parties

The DNC keeps touting that Politfact rated the statement “Hillary is human” as “Mostly True”, but it’s not as helpful as they think.

Do we vote for the one who gave the Russians classified secrets or the one hoping the other one gave the Russians classified secrets?

Look all these awful people criticizing some awful people in support of some awful people.

It’s hypocritical of Hillary to talk about income inequality and compassion while wearing a $12,000 coat made from the skin of Harambe.

Is there anyone in America left who’s still interested in hearing Obama talk?

I think everyone would agree that if you think things are going in a great direction and you don’t want any change, Hillary is the way to go.

It’s depressing how many people are still willing to be suckered by an Obama speech. His words mean little against 8 years as president.

If we can at least learn a less from this Trump v. Hillary mess it’s don’t ever get emotionally invested in some idiot politician.

If Trump becomes president, does that mean 4 years of us spending a week analyzing a statement Trump didn’t spend a second thinking about?

Hillary is spending the morning working with Disney animatronics engineers to learn how to appear more human.

If they already have a Hall of Presidents version of her ready, they should have that give the speech.

Have you been watching any of the DNC? Kinda looks like they’re going to nominate Hillary.

FUN HILLARY FACT: Her husband had previously worked as a U.S. president. That’s what got her interested in the job.

How is Hillary a role model for little girls? “Marry an awful man who is going to do what you hope to do later.”

I really hope to raise my daughters to have more honesty and self-respect than Hillary.

What an inspiration to little girls it will be to see election of a soulless politician shoved down everyone’s throats by a party machine.

Hillary’s best message would be this is a great country, strong enough to get through someone as crappy as her leading.

Talking about great this country is emphasizes how absurd it is we settled on these two people as choices for president.

Did Hillary have to give a speech at the convention? I think she’d do better if she just hid in a bunker until election day.

The thing is, no matter how awful Trump is, when he’s speaking about how horrible Hillary is, he’s on point.
And vice versa.

Infinitely better than believing in science is understanding science.

So now it’s even more obvious that something really fishy is going on that anyone would be pay Hillary $200,000 to speak.

If Trump somehow does win the presidency, would that make the Dilbert guy our country’s leading pundit?

Honest question: Is there any other situation than voting where requiring a photo id is considered racist?
For instance, exercising the constitutional right of purchasing a firearm.

Rented Batman v Superman through Amazon Video and now it’s refusing to play it. Everyone’s a critic.

Big freakout about Harambe’s but no one said a word when Hillary had a zoo gorilla shot because it was blocking her view of another gorilla.

President Trump can only happen by both parties nominating extremely horrible candidates.

“Have you ever sacrificed, Trump?”
“A squirrel once stole a peanut from me.”
“That’s not–”
“I was going to eat that! @&$# squirrel!”

Hillary is a known awfulness we know how to work with. For instance, if we want black lives to matter to her, make them lobbyists.

Amazon Video wasn’t working last night and now Netflix isn’t working. Feels like the beginning of the end of society.

At this point, getting shocked by something Trump says is like getting shocked by something Charles Manson says. Horrible is expected.

The only really good part of Batman v Superman was near the end in that Batman fight sequence clearly inspired by the video games.

When you’re paying $200 mil for a movie, can’t you pay a guy to look over your script and say whether the story makes any sense?
I’ll do it for a grand.

How many times now have we thought a new horrible Trump statement was going to finally sink him?

“Hurm.”
looks over ballot
“So which horrible person who should never have power should we give power to?”

If they want to increase voter turnout, add a “No.” option.

Pocket Constitution? Can’t you just download a copy to your phone?

Just because Hillary challenges people to fiddle competitions to collect their souls doesn’t make her the devil.

Trump got a legitimate draft deferment because his fingers are too short to pull a rifle trigger.

I thought “too rich” was a legitimate reason for draft deferment.

Kind of seems hypocritical for Trump to be against stupid, noisy babies.

The Founding Fathers knew that when they came to take away our guns they’d start with the emojis.

Oh no! Trump is continuing to act as we expected him to act! Who would have expected this?