The Obama Presidential Library will be easy to find thanks to innovative architectural features like its roof containing 2000 feet of putting green
CHICAGO (AP) – Struggling for funds, the Barack Obama Presidential Center in Chicago could require a $1.5 billion endowment, its architects say.
Husband-and-wife architectural team Tod Williams and Billie Tsien noted that it will be difficult to raise such a huge sum.
“Normally,” said Williams, “presidents do a little fundraising for their libraries while still in office. Obama never did. He was always like ‘Sorry, dude, I got a tee time’. Still, I think we’ll eventually find a way to get the cash. Nobody has to pay protection money to the Clintons anymore. What else are they going to do with it?”
Tsien noted some of the library’s many amazing features which contribute to its 10-figure price tag.
“This Presidential Library isn’t just some gaudy showpiece of ego-stroking, but rather a monument to President Obama’s great legacy, and even though the price tag is enough to buy the presidency itself – unless you’re Hillary – it is all necessary to fully honor its namesake.”
“For example,” continued Tsien, “every one of its 127 rooms will have a basket of phones and pens, all available free to anyone who wants them. Also, like a regular library, you can check books out if you have a library card. Which everyone will have, because they’re mandatory.
Now, there won’t be a fine for books that are returned late, but there will be one for not having a card.”
“That’s just for starters. There’s also free wi-fi, free arugula, free college, free rooftop golf lessons, free ceremonial job-ready shovels… you name it, he’s giving it away for free. Now we just need someone else’s money to pay for it all.”
Asked to comment on the uncertain financial future of his Presidential library, former President Obama declined to comment, saying “Sorry, dude, I got a tee time.”
When 2/3 of your voters can’t read, do you really need a library?
“That’s just for starters. There’s also free wi-fi, free arugula, free college, free rooftop golf lessons, free ceremonial job-ready shovels… you name it, he’s giving it away for free. Now we just need someone else’s money to pay for it all.”
Hehehe.
There’s also a free abortion clinic to serve your inconvenienced teenage daughters, a day-old bakery with Michele’s leftover (and discontinued) school lunches for your grade schoolers, a huge supply of those tasty, 2012 DNC chocolate Obama medallions, many of his ceremonial Muslim robes and suicide bomber vests (first-come-first-served on those babies), and, your choice of his favorite monogrammed, gay or transgender toilet tissue in handy family packs!!
Bacon to you for riding the comedic wave with me, Jimmy.
Anyone else brave enough to surf along?
Well, Harvey, as you know I’ve always loved your Newsish Fakery. And YOU inspire humorous exploration.
One significant factor which is causing the cost to balloon is the need to install bumpers (like the ones for kids in bowling alley gutters) along the 2000 foot perimeter of the putting green in order to help King Putt keep his score below triple digits.
Others counter that the bumpers will actually pay for themselves by reducing the number of lost golf balls.
“And don’t forget to visit the grift shop on your way out!”
(The staff don’t know anything about running the store; they got their jobs through political patronage.)
And the corridor of bathrooms — a thousand different bathroom doors to choose from.
Just past the Hall of Mirrors, a.k.a. Obama’s Legacy Promenade.
Also Recommended: the James O’Keefe secret audio tour.
The library is closed during summer months, as it is best enjoyed when smothered by snowflakes.