Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
…will do absolutely everything in your life except make a phone call.
…only gives you content, not contentment.
…slows down performance whenever it is triggered by what you say, text, or search…
can read your mind and administer shocks if you’re thinking politically incorrect thoughts.
bet the Eagles to win the Super Bowl and got good odds.
has a better personality than Steve Jobs did.
If I would have bet the Eagles in the SB, which I would not have since I am a Patriots fan, I would have bet the money line.
…is edible.
If you consider vegan edible.
In Soviet Russia…. it tweets you
Comes pre-loaded with the emails from Hillary’s bedroom server.
Is that what they are calling Huma these days?
Automatically unlocks for someone in a giant wooden badger.
…is also a urinary catheter.
…administrative unlock code is I…II…III…IV…V…
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
will shock you. Literally.
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!
“… is a profit-making machine. It tweets, it sleeps, and it makes you buy better iPhones.. And that’s it. It’s really a miracle of evolution.”
— Format Hooper
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
breaks the Seventh Seal
And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth.
… has Strzok and Page on speed dial.
… has Jerry Seinfeld’s number buried under the “Fire/Emergency” button.
… saves every damn text you write.
(“FBI Staff Gobsmacked! ‘Never Dreamed That Was Possible!’ Says Flabbergasted G-Man”)
… is marketed mainly to Democrats, in hopes of becoming a statist symbol.
… is marketed mainly to Millennials, in hopes of becoming a symbol of planned adolescence.
… comes with an End User Agreement that contains more words than have so far been printed in the history of human communication.
… comes with a free jack for your buds, or a free Jack for your Buds… depending on your demographic.
… has some Chinese kid’s tears on it. Bah! Order a new one!
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
IS PEOPLE! THE NEW IPHONE IS PEOPLE!
Bacon to you for guessing the line that was in my head when I wrote this
OK, bacon to you both.
What is aggravating — if I may confess — is knowing that Harvey has a comedic answer in mind already when he posts these — AND I CAN’T THINK OF EVEN ONE. (/samkinnison)
Or, if you like a Shatner impersonation . . .
AND ...I ... CAN’T ... THINK .... OF .... EVEN/ONE.
My confession… If I can’t think of at least three responses to a straight line off the top of my head, that means it needs to be either rewritten or scrapped.
There’s an art to these things… A good straight line points in a particular direction, but carefully avoids insisting upon it
It’s a gift.
voice, sounds like Pelosi
So it’s no advance over the flop-flip phone.
Or the Commune-icator on Star Trek.
Or a “Dia-ALL!” tone.
… resets the Doomsday Clock every time you use it.
.
“Teacher says, every time an iPhone rings, an a-hole gets left-winged.”
“That’s right, USA, that’s right!”
expected the Spanish Inquisition
Logically impossible
fuzzy logic
knows the airspeed of a fully laden swallow. (both African and European)
dated both Siri and Alexa at the same time.
Nice..
So is it Bi or Nary?
CAD fight!
Well how come you say you will when you won’t
Say you do, baby, when you don’t?
Let me know honey how you feel
Tell the truth now, is LAN real?
But ah, ah, well honey don’t, well honey don’t
Honey don’t, honey don’t, honey don’t
I say you will when you won’t, ah ah, honey, don’t
Well I love you, baby, and you ought to know
I like the way you wear your clothes
Everything about you makes a doggone suite
Like Windows, bayby all over your feet
But ah ah well honey don’t, honey don’t
Honey don’t, honey don’t, honey don’t
I say you will when you won’t, ah ah, honey, don’t
[Ah, rock on George, one time for me.
I feel fine.
I said.]
Well sometimes I love you on a Saturday night
Sunday morning you don’t look right
You’ve been out painting the town
Ah ah baby, been stepping around
But ah ah well honey don’t, I said honey don’t
Honey don’t, honey don’t, honey don’t
I say you will when you won’t, Double-A, honey, don’t
—
Needs work. Lot of computer puns un-mined..
Does that make it a Tricorder?
Shocking leaked secret! It turns out the new iPhone…
Likes big butts and cannot lie.
…will soon be supplanted by the eyPhone, the xePhone, the theyPhone, and the justgoawayPhone…
…is just covered with a Flash eating bacteria.
…has a woke calculator, two plus two never equals four.
…lets you know when the fries are done when you are outside demonstrating for a fifteen dollar an hour wage.
…instinctively starts swimming upstream when you drop it in the toilet.
Always responds, “I am Groot”