Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
attempt to get it on the voting roles.
Clear out some room in your back yard. They are great tourist attractions.
Hoard tuna.
…call Bart Durham.
Try to get David Bowie to do a movie there.
…curl into a ball, and pucker…
…send for Leeroy Jenkins…
…re-watch “Armageddon” and “Deep Impact”. Take notes…
Check snopes to see if it’s really true.
How is that going to tell you if it’s true?
exactly!
…wait for AOC to propose something. Do the opposite…
… ask yourself, Why am I looking into a telescope?
Is this my home?
Is this my beautiful wife?
There’s water at the bottom of the ocean
See if you’re in good hands. You’re not. Darn fine print.
…search for Hawking’s time machine…
…ask yourself “What did I do to cause the asteroid to hate me?”.
Blame Bush!
I love the old standards.
…surrender to our new rocky overlords…
Perry Como – Catch a Falling Star
Lyrics
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day
For love may come and tap you on the shoulder
some starless night
Just in case you feel you want to hold her
You’ll have a pocketful of starlight
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day
…is send up some satellites.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4Ks3ojGvj0
…erect a new sign on the moon: “DETOUR”
Don’t know if there is any room any more.
It’s an illegal asteroid. It will ignore any signs.
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
well I am not saying it is contact some Aliens for help but… contact some aliens for help.
… invest in tennis rackets.
Homage, ripoff – ripoff, homage.
[And no fair changing your comment after I already replied to said comment.]
Yeah, sorry. I wrote it before your comment was on the site — but when I posted it, your comment came up too. I wanted to save that gag for another straight line when I was able to get here earlier.
And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling walruskkch!
I have the same problem with him on the moon.
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
claim it for yourself.
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
don’t panic. [and have a towel handy]
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
check its trajectory, you know, sciency stuff.
…Willie Nelson.
But I hardy know him!
You never go full Nelson!
… blame Trump.
… Blame the joooos
… Eat something deep fried and covered in chocolate. Your diet is meaningless.
Pelosi will propose a 90% asteroid tax. AOC will want it to be 100%, since she has never been able to find her asteroid with both hands, so the tax won’t apply to her. As always, Schumer will take to the Senate floor and say something painfully stupid. Harris and Booker will rail about its “white asteroid privilege.” Fauxcahontas will do a rain dance. Beto O’Rourke will get his teeth cleaned. All will claim victory.
…ignore those angry letters from the Homeowners Association. Then paint my house a lighter shade of tan without requesting it in writing 30 days in advance.
HAHA! TAKE THAT SUCKAS!
If you discover an asteroid approaching Earth, the first thing you should do…
Hire Chuck Norris.
Aim all the wind turbines toward the sky. Then utilize solar and wind power to blow the asteroid off course.
Wave a white flag and hope it will leave us alone.
Call a live radio show and yell “booger.”
There’s still a 7 second delay on “live” radio. You’ll get bleeped unless you’re pushing socialism, talking about Russian collusion or complaining about Trump.
Find Ford Prefect
and don’t forget your towel.
Get some asteroid cream for the rings around Uranus
Stick your head between your legs and kiss your bum good-bye.
Sell meteor shower umbrellas
I understand the Acme Co. has a surplus of them.
Go grab a celestial body.
Build a giant wooden badger… on a different habital planet.
…get in my DeLorean and get it up to 88 mph!
…drastically shorten my bucket list.
…write NYT article about how women and minorities being hit hardest.
…rewrite that list of climate change dangers, then glory in your I told you so tweet.
…shorten bucket list to …with a smile on my face.
…start a rumor that Mexico is the safest place to be.
I’d give the asteroid a harrumph and watch my ass.
Poop your pants
…tell an adult.
…avoid making eye contact. It might think you’re a threat.
…give it a weird name like Oumuamua. All the other asteroids will start making fun of it and it will be so embarrassed it will leave the solar system.